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We’re not in Kansas anymore! September 25, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in eating, food, football, humor, photos, pictures, random references, restaurant, travel, video.
24 comments

Never thought I’d actually be able to say that in my lifetime. But I’m back from Kansas City and actually had a great time. My event went well this weekend and I made some new friends, including Steve Hickoff, Turkey Hunting Expert and Stuart Littlefield, who won our Outdoor Life Grand Slam Adventure contest. Steve is a fellow blogger himself and wrote a little of our experience this weekend (I impressed Steve with my knowledge and insight on competitive eating!) Stuart is a native Kansas City-ian and took us for some good ole homestyle BBQ on Saturday night. Joining us for a culinary adventure was Peter Mathiesen, Field & Stream’s Gear Guru.

Stuart took us to a place called Oklahoma Joe’s. Oklahoma Joe’s is situated in Kansas City, KS and is located in a gas station. Yep, half of the “convenience” area of the gas station was torn out to put seating and an order station. Since this was as authentic as BBQ gets I didn’t mind the long wait which stretched outside the doors.

Once we ordered the food was ready lightning fast. The place is market style, meaning you place your order, get yur order and find a seat. I decided on a pulled pork sandwich at Stuart’s suggestion and we all split a slab of ribs (I was corrected after requesting we split a rack of ribs. Apparently there’s no room for saying rack of ribs in Kansas…only thing racks refer to are deers and well you know…).

Anyway lemme tell you that the BBQ was lip smacking good! Unreal. Some of the tastiest, tender pulled pork I’d ever laid my fingers on. Same with the ribs. Juicy. Tender. Fell right off the bone.


The Oklahoma Joe’s slab of ribs


The pulled pork sandwich

The side of baked beans was merely an afterthought and the fries were just there to help soak up some of the tasty sauce. The pickles were a nice sweetener to compliment the beef. But honestly who cares about sides when you have some of the best meat around. Just look at how perfectly cooked the meat was. (Sorry LK- but you’re gonna have to get some my BBQ after that pic my friend). So needless to say I’m definitely a fan of the Oklahoma Joe’s.

It’s been tough coming back and getting into the work mode again. Although the day went by so fast on Monday that I didn’t even have a chance to give you your Monday morning fix, so for that I apologize!

Although I think this is one of the few times I’ve actually blogged at night! Much different vibe than blogging in the morning or during the day. I feel hipper. Fresher. More twisted in my thoughts. Almost as twisted as this young contortionist:

My favorite is when she busts into the worm. Unfucking believable. Talk about flexibility. I’m lucky I can touch the ground on my stretches (and that’s after spreading my legs a few extra inches). This girl can wrap her leg around her head like it’s a bandana. Crazy.

Anyway I’m sitting here watching Drew Brees continue to suck ass. He’s really killing me in fantasy football this year. My team is off to it’s worse start in my 10 year fantasy career and I really have him to blame. Good job Drew. Way to follow up on that dream season of yours.

I’m so depressed I went out and bought myself a cherry pie to make myself feel better. After devouring it in about 4 seconds along with a glass of Chocolate Soy milk I feel a little better about life. Although can’t say the same for my stomach.

Actually watching Brees stink up the joint my stomach is starting to turn a bit. Kinda sounds like it’s trying to sing Warrant’s Cherry Pie song. You know the words:

She’s my

Cool drink of water
Such a sweet surprise
Tastes so good make a grown man cry
Sweet

Oh yeah

She’s my

Put a smile on your face
Ten miles wide
Looks so good
Bring a tear to your eye
Sweet

Yeah sweet

Yeah

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What I’ve Learned July 19, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in bathroom humor, comedy, current events, funny, humor, movies, new york city, nostaglia, opinion, random references, sarcasm, television, video.
21 comments

So I’ve learned a lot over the past 199 posts.  I’ve learned that I enjoy blogging…and each day that I can’t post an update I’m extremely saddened (thus this would qualify as being one of the saddest weeks of my blogging life as far as that is concerned).  But hey, since I’m not being paid to blog (at least not yet anyway), I have to “pay the bills” with my full time job, so no shit about the lack of updates this week, ok?  Good. 

But over the past 199 posts I’ve learned that I have the uncanny ability to sometimes make people laugh and spit food out of their nose.  Also I’ve learned that I have the ability to disgust people thoroughly with my sometimes “adult content” and “bathroom humor”.  I’ve also undoubtedly led some to permanently boycott my blog thanks to some crude and outlandish behavior.  But hey, I’m a Brooklyn born and raised’er…who said I wasn’t supposed to be crude and outlandish.

I’ve also learned that there are a lot of funny and talented people in the world.  I know I haven’t even scratched the surface of all the talented bloggers out there, but special thanks to the friends I’ve made over the past year in this little community of ours. You guys are truly an inspiration to keep writing and provide content that hopefully exlicits a few chuckles or a hearty guffaw. 

But enough of the sentimental bullshit.  You read me to laugh.  I’m a humor blog.  Much like the much ballyhooed Angry German kid of YouTube lore, you throw temper tantrums if I’m not funny. 

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So without further adieu, here is the “200th What Pushes My Buttons post”! (cheers, yells, whistles!)

A few things came to mind when I heard that a steampipe had exploded by Grand Central.  Knowing the magnitude of the event was pretty serious and people were injured and businesses were disrupted, I still couldn’t help but to make a few “puns” while downing beer after beer in the airport bar last night waiting out a 5 hour plane delay (drum roll please):

I didn’t know they turned Lexington Avenue into “Steampipe Alley”

Looks like today is a real “steam bath”.

New York City has just changed their official marketing song from “I Love New York” to “We’ve got ‘Steam Heat'”

Ok…that’s enough.  Thank you. Thank you.  I’ll be here all night.  Try the veal.

But seriously it was a scary situation for all those involved.  Undoubtedly the tickle in my throat today is due to some airborne asbestos floating around. 

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I think I’m getting the “black lung”

A few of you have asked me if I’m giving away any “presents” for my 200th blog celebration.  Well frankly that’s not in the budget yet…BUT what I do want to give you is…

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My dick in a box! Enjoy!

On the road again… July 17, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in comedy, funny, video.
9 comments

Although I really can’t wait to get BACK from the road again. I’ve been down in Orlando for our annual sales meeting since Sun am. Yes, Orlando. In July. Needless to say I’m burnt crisp from 2 days spent on the golf course (i know, oh pity me!) But hence why I haven’t been able to share some fun with y’all. Actually I was just able to get internet access right now, but alas I have to head out for a client dinner in a little bit.

I’ll be back to tell some fun stories in a bit…but for now, enjoy this puppet rendition of Hasselhoff drunk on the floor. Haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. It’s a parody of Hasselhoff drunk on the floor that has been the “clip” around the net for the past few months.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUWkySpoEC8

Enjoy and hope to have a good update for you soon…especially being that my next post will be my 200th!!! Major milestone I guess…since ever other blogger seems to celebrate their 200th post.

Paranoia Paranoia July 13, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in celebrities, critique, current events, eating, food, humor, music, new york city, opinion, pedestrian behavior, photos, pictures, random references, video, world news.
19 comments

“Everyone is coming to get me…”

Everyone knows that catchy song by Harvey Danger. Well I’ve been going through my own fits of paranoia recently, misplacing items like my wallet, or my keys…only to find them 5 minutes later in the last place I put them. So I can definitely empathize with the guy on the bus this morning (I took the bus down to work today since I have my golf clubs with me – and actually the bus was pretty painless for a change…only 40 mins door to door!). Anyway this guy sitting across from me kept looking over at me with this sly smirk on his face. It was an “I hate you, you bastard, going to play golf while I’m stuck in the office” kinda look. Only the joke is really on him since a)I dress casually going into work now (shorts and flops) b)I’m only going to the driving range – tomorrow.

Anyway after staring at me in a fit of jealous rage for the better part of 20 minutes or so he gets off the bus. Thankful to have his glare off me I was able to enjoy listening to my IPod, which I haven’t listened to in a good few months. No more than 5 minutes later the same guy comes running on the bus frantically. He runs to his seat and starts searching around. I didn’t see him drop anything. He looks at me like I took something. I just shrug my shoulders as he checks hi and lo like a maniac. Everyone on the bus is staring at him and he starts cursing: “Motherfucking sonofabitch. Fuck!”

On one hand I was amused since who doesn’t laugh at a person in a frantic state. But I did feel bad for the guy. He was in complete and utter disarray. Feeling helpless and unsure. I’ve been there 100 times…so I could empathize. Although the only thing that popped in my head was the “Paranoia Paranoia” song. If only I had that on my IPod.

Wait…lo and behold…I got it! Sweet!

Anyway, now that the “self-imposed embargo” is over, wanted to share some video and more pics of the Pizza Hut P’Zone Eating Challenge that took place on July 10th.

Here is video of the first minute or so of action.

The contest was basically over after the first bite, but the funny part is Tim Janus trying to coach her on some eating style after Chestnut basically finished his P’Zone in 60 seconds and she was still nibbling away on the first half. That and the unintentional comedic genius of George Shea who was narrating the contest.


The contest ready to start


Marivic trying desparately to keep up with Joey


Ladies and Gentlemen, your P’Zone eating champion!

Staring Problem July 6, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in critique, eating, food, funny, humor, movies, music, new york city, nostaglia, opinion, pedestrian behavior, random references, subways, video.
31 comments

So this morning I’m sitting on the subway reading AM New York and this lady across from me is staring at me. Thinking she may wanna read the paper too I open it up wider and lift it for her so she has a good view. I read an article, glance up and she’s still staring at me. Another 60 seconds go by, I dart my eyes up…same thing. Full out stare. And not one of those I’m staring into space stares. This was I’m staring at you intentionally kinda stare.

Then I start thinking. Do I know her from somewhere?

Nope…never seen her before.

Do I have something on my face? Did my goiter grow overnight? Am I showing too much cleavage?

No…no…and perhaps…

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Goiter? What Goiter?

But she’s still continuing to stare dead ahead at me. And I started to get uncomfortable. She wasn’t the most attractive nor skinniest of people. Actually I was getting quite worried that she was eyeing me up as her breakfast. Honestly. She had that cannibalistic look in her eye…the “get in my belly” kinda stare that Fat Bastard had in Austin Powers

Needless to say I buried my head deep into the paper. I noticed no one was sitting next to me anymore but the woman was still there, practically salivating. I could’ve sworn I saw her place a bib around her neck…then again I didn’t have my glasses on so it could’ve been an ascot…or a necklace…but regardless there was something eerie about this woman.

Thankfully the drama ended when she got off at 42nd street. I breathed a sigh of relief. Cause I didn’t feel like being no one’s breakfast this morning.

I was so giddy and relieved that I wasn’t eaten, I jumped on the set of Soul Train and started dancing.

(That was me with the white pants doing the leg twirl in case you didn’t recognize me)

Anyway, it’s supposed to be a HOT HOT HOT one this weekend…so make sure you turn up your HOT 103.5 and listen to some Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam.

Umm…

Wait…my bad. I thought I was in 1987 for a moment.

Well as Broadway Bill Lee says… “stay calm, kiss your mom, ban the bomb, do the best you can, remember God loves you man”

Just a dab of butter June 27, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in bathroom humor, critique, eating, fashion, food, funny, humor, lunch, new york city, opinion, video.
12 comments

Before I get into today’s “slippery slope”, gotta comment about Burger King real quick. I haven’t been there in a while but saw a few people walking around with these black bags around 5th ave and 33rd. Then I remembered that Burger King was having Sean Combs (Puffy) redesign their bags. That and Whopper Jr.’s are only a $1 right now! Even in Manhattan! Crazy. So that was enough reason for me to enter and leave with said black bag containing a Whopper Jr, onion rings and a pink lemonade.

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I felt this coolness walking down the street with my BK in tow. Wasn’t your typical white plastic bag. Nor your easily identifyable white logoed Wendy’s or McDonald’s bag. Nope. This bag is black. Cool. Hip. Everything about it says coolness, complete with the tempting food collage on the outside. Even if the contents of the bag are enough to clog your arteries for a few hours, I can happily say that for once I felt like the BK bag was sufficent enough to act as a fashion accessory. If I was only rockin some aviator sunglasses I would have been the epitomy of off da hook.

Ok…not really. But the bag is fuckin cool, ok? And $1 Whopper Jr.’s? You need any more incentive to check out the BK these days? I think not.

Anyhoo…onto today topic of butter. Butter has a fondness in my heart thanks to Julia Child and her “just add a stick of butter to any dish” routine that just gets me everytime. Well Julia had a sense of humor in her day, so she certainly would appreciate this video in which a guy gets revenge at his annoying roommate thanks to some well placed butter (thanks to Laurie Kendrick for posting the video that made me laugh over and over again yesterday). Click the pic to view the video.

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I love at the end of the video when the roommate is like: “You fucking asshole…I’m gonna kill you!”. Good stuff. If only we knew about that in college we could have had some fun with that one!

“Disturb”ia June 22, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in bathroom humor, comedy, common sense, critique, eating, food, funny, humor, opinion, sarcasm, stupidity, television, video, weird.
23 comments

ESR-W sent me this link yesterday and she said she was too disturbed to look at it.

The website is: www.Fat-Man.org

Of course nothing is too disturbing for me so I took a gander. Egads! Here’s what the guy says on his site:

“Hello, and welcome to my website. My name is Chris but you can refer to me as Fat Man! This site is designed to showcase my supreme fatness. Below are videos you can watch showcasing my supreme fatness! Enjoy!”

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I’m disturbed in the fact that I share the same name as “Fat Man”. But anyone who says they “showcase their supreme fatness” is ok in my book.

To avoid grossing some of you out I won’t post the videos here. Although here are some of the captions of his videos so you get a feel of what you’re in for:

Here is a video of me improving my supreme fatness by eating chips and drinking beer!

Here is a video of me eating 10 hot dogs in just a few minutes!

Here is a video of me eating a pack of cookies even though I have diabetes!

Here is a video of me eating 9 delicious Boston Cream Dunkin Donuts!

In this video I store some Hot Pockets underneath my breast for later consumption!

Ok ok…that’s enough. You know what…I can’t resist.

Here’s the Hot Pockets video
Here’s the hot dog video

(Or go to the blogger version of this site to view the videos)

I was half-expecting Harry Carey to come into the room and say “hey,if you were a hot dog and you were starving would you eat yourself?”

Although in Fat Man’s case you know the answer would definitely be a resounding Marv Albert Yes!

But this kid is definitely disturbed. You can tell by watching the videos. I started out by laughing but then became just plain frightened for him. Especially eating all these sweets when he has diabetes. I love the fact that he’s like “watch me drink soda and eat cookies even though I’m about to drop dead due to diabetes”. That’s like David Blaine or Criss Angel saying “watch me fall from the Empire State Building, hurdling to the ground below without a harness!” One of the comments on YouTube was “I think he’s dead cause he hasn’t posted a new video in weeks”. Yikes!

I hope you’re still alive Fat Man. Because you’re an inspiration to us all!

Drunk Monkeys June 21, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in animals, bathroom humor, funny, humor, sarcasm, sex, television, video.
10 comments

Yep…the title sort of says it all. Go to the link below or visit the blogger version of this site to view the video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBw-actpemc

Funny that this appeared on Animal Planet…although must have been in their “adult primate” block…you know that riske programming they air from 2-3am when people have stopped searching for softcore porn on skinamax and stumble across “those chance for animal porn” channels like Animal Planet and Discovery Channel. Nothing like seeing 2 horses mounting each other to get you in the mood to bust out the KY and roll of paper towels!

Light my fire June 19, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in sarcasm, stupidity, video, world news.
16 comments

Obviously this girl was listening to the Doors when she went to remove the gas pump from her car (or go to the Blogger version of this site to view the video):

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=2035747833

Didn’t she hear about that whole static electricity thing urban myth and how you’re not supposed to get in your car and then out of your car and remove the gas nozzle?

She’s definitely very lucky the car didn’t explode on her. Although I love how after she put the fire out she ran away. I wonder if they’ll charge her for the extra gas she “burned”.

Speaking of fire…I’m sure you’ve all seen this video a hundred times, but I know a few of you haven’t yet. It’s of a car crashing into a toll booth down in New Jersey (or go to the Blogger version of this site to view the video):

http://emuse.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/21753/

Obviously the guy didn’t make it.

Not sure what’s with my mood today. Maybe because it’s upper 80s outside and a good beach day and I’m stuck working. Maybe cause it’s only Tuesday and still have a full week of work ahead. All I feel like doing right now is heading to the beach with a case of Corona’s and getting “toasted” (both by the sun and by the alcohol). At this point I’ll even take the syringe-infused waters off Coney Island! But I guess I can just peer outside the window and daydream.

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“Sue” City June 8, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in asshole of the day, celebrities, comedy, critique, current events, funny, humor, movies, new york city, opinion, pedestrian behavior, photos, pictures, random references, sarcasm, stupidity, subways, television, video, world news.
20 comments

So last night I saw that Borat (Sasha Baron Cohen) is being sued again based on a clip that appeared in the movie Borat. The man doing the suing is Jeffrey Lemerond, a 31 year old geeky Wall Street financial analyst, who was shown in the movie running furiously away from Borat as he tried to give him a hug. Obviously Mr. Lemerond, who went to “Dartmouth” and therefore has no sense of humor, has suffered “public ridicule, degradation and humiliation” as a result of his appearance in the film. Apparently he’s suing on grounds he never gave consent to appear in the film.

Here’s the link to the article and also the video clip from the movie and analysis from CNBC: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19103391/

Well of course they never got consent you douchebag…you were too busy running your ass off like a chicken shit. I think the other guy who told Borat he’d “break his fucking face” if he tried to touch him looked like even more of a douchebag in the movie (douchebag IS the word of the day btw).

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The word of the day is Douchebag!

The New York City scenes in the movie cracked me up, probably because I live here…but the chicken on the subway scene was great. Especially when he told the passengers “Be careful he bite” as the chicken was flying around the subway. I need to get the movie on DVD…I’m cracking up just thinking about it.

Anyway, point is, yes these guys made a big fool out of themselves in a movie that millions saw around the world. But you know what, they should embrace the fact that they looked like douchebags (AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!). I’d be like, yeah, I ran from Borat…but I’m a “celebrity” now. I mean look at William Hung. He made more of an ass out of himself than anyone in recent history and now he’s got his own record deal and will forever be “infamous”.

I’m sorry that the little sissy got his feelings hurt. He didn’t know his running away act was gonna be filmed for one of the most popular movies of all time. But maybe he should of stopped and talked to Borat instead of running away. I mean he must have saw the camera right? He could have said sorry I don’t want to appear in this movie. And that would’ve been the end of it. Better yet, they could have easily just had the camera running on a tripod and filmed his likeness walking by, and thus he would’ve been in the movie.

Hell, most of us have probably been in movies or TV shows walking around in the background of some street scene. Not all movies are filmed in roped off little areas. Sometimes you just get establishing shots with people walking by. You think everyone in the movie Midnight Cowboy signed a release to appear in the film? How bout Tootsie? Thousands of people were filmed walking down the streets in those movies. Some were probably picking their nose or wearing embarassing clothing. Did they sue? No.

So the fact that he ran is really his fault. Maybe next time he shouldn’t be such a mama’s boy. Although he’s making even more of an ass of himself now by suing. Just look at this headline (click image to read the article):

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Ouch! I mean really…Jeffrey. Look what you’ve done now! Instead of just taking a ribbing from people that know you, now you’re getting lambasted all over the internet. Good work. Hope that lawsuit goes well for you. You’ve should have just said, you know what guys…I’m a pussy. I ran away like a chicken shit. But you know what…at least I’m famous now. Nope…instead he’s crying wolf. And you know what happened to the boy who cried wolf. He got his ASS BEAT!!!