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And you thought the Patriots were perfect?!? November 21, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in nintendo, sports, video, video games.

Sure…gloat about the unstoppable Patriots offense. And rave about their defense if you will. But they did go undefeated WITHOUT giving up a point all season???

Did they? (Well assuming they go 16-0 that is).

Nope…didn’t think so.

After throwing the next to impossible shutout in Nintendo Baseball, I tried to go for another unbelievable feat: going an entire season in Tecmo Bowl without giving up a single point.

Not one.

Those who played the game know as the weeks go on, the competition gets tougher (as in the computer gets faster). Game play during the Tecmo Bowl itself is lightning quick for Nintendo standards.

Last time I attempted this feat with the Bears, I gave up a TD in week 5 to the Dolphins. Given that the Bears D is probably still one of the better units in Tecmo Bowl, I figured I’d give them first crack at trying to achieve the seemingly impossible.

Would they succeed in their quest? Here are the results:

Week 1 saw the Vikings go down hard 70-0. Not much of a contest for the Bears. This one was over from the start when Willie Gault ran back to opening kickoff to the Vikings 10.

Week 2 came the Dolphins, who ended my quest early last go around in Week 5. This time was almost the case again as Marino led his troops on a last second drive down the field. With time winding down in the 4th Qtr the Dolphins had first and goal from the 9. After a short run followed by a Bears sack, they had 3rd and Goal from the 11 with 5 seconds left. Marino dropped back in the pocket and found Duper underneath. Dave Duerson met Duper at the goalline and Mike Singletary came in for the tackle to preserve the shutout. Whew. Talk about dramatic. Just about matched the Rams tackling the Titans in just shy of the end zone in Super Bowl XIVJESUSTHESUPERBOWLGAMETAKESFOREVERDOESNTITIMJUSTSAYING. Final score, 63-0.

So now my hands were already sweating and it was only week 2. If fate wasn’t on my side now, it never would be.

Week 3 saw my beloved Cowboys take a crack at the Bears. They should have just stayed in the locker room as the Bears steamrolled Herschel Walker and friends 62-0.

The Giants stepped up to the plate in Week 4, boasting perhaps the second best D in Tecmo Bowl next to the Bears.

Lawrence Taylor and friends were flying around the field, but Walter Peyton was too much too handle as the Bears chipped away with short gains all day. Meanwhile Simms, Morris and Bavaro went nowhere fast. Final score 61-0, thanks to 2 Giants blocks of extra points (their specialty in Tecmo).

Week 5 bought the Raiders and boy was I relieved to see Bo Jackson in week 5 rather than in the Tecmo Bowl. So the Bears definitely caught a break there. But regardless, the Bears keyed in on stopping Bo who only ripped off one decent sized run. Marcus Allen went nowhere and a whole bunch of Mike Singletary INT’s made Tecmo Bo a blip on the radar, 66-0.

Week 6 had John Elway and his high flying aerial attack and Tony Dorsett on the ground. The Bears played a bit of prevent all game and it led to Elway leading the Broncos on a few long drives. However a few key Singletary INT’s, including one in the end zone! and one on the Bears 20 kept the Broncos off the board. Almost lost the shutout but thanks to my boy Singletary the shutout remained in tact. Final score, 52-0.

Week 7 saw the Seahawks who had a formidable D anchored by Brian Bosworth and a deep threat in Steve Largent. However Dave Krieg couldn’t out throw Mike Singletary, who helped out with double coverage on Largent and the rest of the team stuffed the run all game. With the win, the Bears are the Division Champs! But who cares about that, the shutout still in tact, Bears in a rout, 63-0.

Week 8 and the competition was heating up. Fortunately the Colts were next and these are definitely not the Manning Colts of today. Jack Trudeau was ineffective as best as the D focused on shutting down Eric Dickerson, holding him to negative yards on the ground. The Colts D was able to pick off McMahon once deep in their own end late in the 4th qtr, keeping the score a “respectable” 56-0.

Week 9 and I felt the anticipation via my sweaty palms. Eight straight games without a break and up were the Browns, who faced the Bears in my last go round in week 9 as well. Knowing the Browns put up points on the Bears last time thanks to their special teams the Bears tightened down the screws on kick coverage. Bernie Kosar looked rattled all day as blitzes came and went. Kevin Mack had a few runs of 10+ but mostly was kept in check by a swarming Bears D. The Bears offense struggled with the stingy Browns D, but was able to hit Willie Gault on a few deep bombs to win the Division championship in a laugher, 49-0.

Week 10 saw the 49ers and Joe Montana. With Jerry Rice running deep routes and Roger Craig pounding away yardage on the ground, the Bears D had their work cut out for them. As did the offense with Kevin Carter busting up the middle every play and Ronnie Lott roaming the secondary. Willie Gault set the tone with a long opening kick return and the Bears put up a quick 14 in the first. The first half was uneventful as the Bears kept Montana in check to go up 28-0. The second half was tougher as the Niners drove down the field several times. However the Bears stiffened, stopping the 49ers on several 4th down attempts inside Bears territory. The Bears ate some clock with the ground game and short passes and took what the Niners D gave them. A tough one, but the D held up en route to a 42-0 victory.

Tecmo Bowl. It all came down to one game. One last stand to preserve an undefeated and un-scored-upon season. The Redskins. The hated Redskins were the opponent. Doug Williams, Timmy Smith and Monk and Sanders at WR. The D led by Dexter Manley. Tough, grind it out kind of game expected. The Bears D had Williams confused all game and gutted out plenty of three and outs leading to punts. The Bears put together long drive after long drive that ate away precious time on the clock. Walter was magnificant, ripping off a few long runs for TDs as the Bears piled up the points.

In the 4th Quarter up 42-0 all the Bears had to make were a few last defensive stands (click to play video):

After Singletary’s pick, the Bears only foe was the clock. The Bears attempted to run out the clock but Peyton was stuffed cold twice. A short gain on 3rd down led to a 4th and 6th. Bears went for it from the Redskins 30 instead of kicking a FG. McMahon was sacked on the play, giving the ball back to the Redskins with one last chance to end the Bears hopes of not giving up a point.

On 3rd and 12 the Redskins needed a big play (click to play video):

Stuffed, like a Thanksgiving turkey. And why they punted on 4th down I’ll never know. So the Bears had the ball back with 20 seconds to go. Picking up another 1st down would seal the deal:

It’s done!!! AN ENTIRE SEASON WITHOUT YIELDING A POINT! 42-0 is your final! Awesome stuff. My Nintendo record setting day was complete. A shutout in Baseball and an entire season of Tecmo Bowl without yielding a single point. Holy fucking shit.

Btw, if you’re keeping count: Bears 626. Opponents 0. Take that Belichek!

What a week it’s been! November 20, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in nintendo, sports, video games.

So again, apologies for the lack of updates recently. Been a crazy time at work and it seems like just about every agency is in “hurry up and put their 2008 plans together before the holiday” mode. So needless to say there hasn’t been much time to blog, let alone have any energy left at the end of the day to say something productive.

Then when I finally thought I had something funny to say, I came across that whole girls in a cup phenonemon that’s all the internet rage these days. If you haven’t seen it, consider yourself blessed. It’s pretty nasty. If you really, really wanna be grossed out go to http://www.2girls1cup.com/

I was told that my blog would be boycotted if I showed the video or pictures of what transpires on the site. So I guess I’ll refrain.

So onto more cheerful stuff that doesn’t involve girls licking what appears to be coffee ice cream.





Sorry B…had to do it….sorry.

Anyway, this past weekend I was feeling very lazy after an exhausting week so I decided to hook up the ole Nintendo and take a pass at trying to finally achieve “my lifelong dream” of throwing a shutout in Nintendo Baseball.

I know…after giving up a Homerun with 2 strikes in the bottom of the ninth (that was all caught on video no less) I decided to give it another whirl. The ole’ college try as they say.

After taking my first shutout bid into the 7th inning with the “Y” (Yankees) vs. the “C” (Cardinals) I gave up a double and then a two out single that broke up the shutout. Undeterred, but extremely pissed off, I tried again and this time took out my frustrations on the “P” (Phillies) by pouring the runs on. Instead of trying to keep the game close to avoid that “Nintendo cheat” where the losing team always comes back, I figured I’d try to demoralize the hell out of my opponent. Would they be lifeless if I put up a 10 spot on them? I was determined to find out.

I jumped on the computer very early putting up 5 in the first and 5 more in the second. I hadn’t scored more than 22 runs before in Nintendo Baseball and I already had 10 in the first two innings! Meanwhile I worked 1-2-3 innings in the 1st, 2nd and 3rd.

After tacking on 4 more runs in the 4th I had a nice 14-0 lead. Here comes the cheat.

After a leadoff double I tried to bear down. I threw some really good curve balls (amazing how you could make the ball move even in 1985 crappy Nintendo Baseball) and got back to back K’s. Then I got a grounder to SS to end the threat. The 5th inning was uneventful but my bats awoke in the 6th, putting up 5 more runs. 19-0 now. If the computer wasn’t devasted now, I don’t know when they’d ever be.

I got into minor trouble in the bottom of the 6th, but a nifty DP took care of business. I figured up 19-0 it may be time to record this puppy for immortality. Hopefully I wasn’t bringing on the jinx. But first it was time to go for 20.

After putting runners on the corners with 0 out, 20 was in definite reach. After scratching home the 20th run, I got two quick outs. But then the big blow came in leiu of a nice 3 run homer to break my personal record of runs scored in a game.

A three run homer gave me a new high in runs scored

Up 24-0 I was beyond amped. Only 3 innings to go and I wasn’t about to blow this opportunity. After getting two quick outs on sharply hit balls I gave up a double in the gap. Shit…had I pissed the computer off to the point that my shutout was doomed?

Whew…bullet dodged there. With renewed vigor the bats continued to pile on the offense in the top of the 8th.

Holy shit, 27-0. Unreal. 30 was a definite possibility at this point! But more importantly I wanted the shutout.

After adding another run to make it 28-0, to the bottom of the 8th we went. 6 outs away from a dream fulfilled. Again I found myself in trouble, giving up a one out double. After inducing a popup it was 2 outs with a runner on 2nd. Here’s the play:

You could hear the excitement in my voice. It was a mixture of glee and anxiety. And disbelief.

After going scoreless in the top of the 9th I took my 28-0 lead into the bottom of the 9th. Just 3 outs away.

Here’s the entire 9th inning in it’s entirety:

Unbelievable! Can’t believe I did it. Sure I screamed like a little girl. But who cares. It more than made my day. I think I was more excited about that then the Yanks or Cowboys winning a championship.

With my new found Baseball success I tried to complete another feat. Going an entire season in Tecmo Bowl without giving up a single point.

Was I successful? Tune in later to find out!

Wear it loud…wear it proud! October 11, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in animals, baseball, brooklyn, fashion, humor, nintendo, nostaglia, opinion, random references, sports, video games.

There’s a shirt I’ve been looking for recently after watching a documentary on the Brooklyn Dodgers. It’s an old “Keep the Dodgers in Brooklyn” shirt. It had the Dodgers logo and was given to fans back in the 50s as a rallying cry to keep the Dodgers from moving from Brooklyn to L.A.

John found a replica of the shirt from this company called No Mas.

While it wasn’t the shirt I was looking for, it is based on an authentic shirt that fans used to wear back then:

Their website had a ton of other really random, cool t-shirts.

Here’s a few of them I personally love:

The Amazing Mess

Even though the shirt is referring to the 86 Mets, I think it’s quite appropriate given this year’s collapse!

Tecmo Bo

Who can forget Tecmo Bo and he unstoppable hijinks in Tecmo Bowl! If you need a reminder on how good Bo was in Tecmo Bowl, here’s a reminder for you (click to play).

Rated Rookie

Donruss’ Rated Rookie cards were a hot commodity back in the days. I know I jumped for joy when I found a McGwire rated rookie in a pack of Donruss.

For those who don’t remember what the cards looked like, here’s an example:

Btw, is it just me or does Greg Maddux look strikingly (get it – he’s a pitcher – strikingly – I’m a fuckin genius!) like Pedro in that picture?


Love the sarcasm of the whole “say no to drugs” and Strawberry angle. If only the picture had him AND Doc Gooden leaning against a “Coke” vending machine. Now that would be classic!

Although I think this picture would more exemplify a “Say No to Drugs” campaign!

And to think all three of those guys were the biggest stars in the heydays. How the mighty fall sometimes. Speaking of the mighty falling…received this candid picture of Jay Squirrel, Keywork’s opponent in the presidential race.

Return of the “Mac” September 6, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in current events, nostaglia, pedestrian behavior, photos, pictures, video games.

Ok, so technically it’s not return of ‘the’ Mac, but when I saw that the folks at Commodore are itching for a comeback, the Mark Morrison “Return of the Mac” song popped into my head.

Apparently Commodore is “resurrecting” itself in hopes to jump back into the PC gaming market.


Personally I hope they stay as low end as possible with their graphics. I know I’d much rather play some old school Dr. J vs Larry Bird then play some futuristic crap game like Halo.

It’s hard to top the graphics and game play of Dr. J vs Larry Bird for the Commodore

That and they should go old school with their computer processors too. I’m really sick of new age Windows crashing every other day or other problems that happen with our PC’s these days.

Side note: speaking of crashes. I saw this nasty accident the other day. Happened and unfolded right in front of my eyes. Traffic was stopped at a green light as a Firetruck was approaching the intersection with its lights on and sirens blaring. Everyone was still so the firetruck proceeded through the intersection. Suddenly this Escalade decides to make a dash for it and ends up getting T-boned by the fire truck that was accelerating. The Escalade did a few 360s and smashed into a telephone pole, with one of its tires ending up down the street. I took some pics of the carnage:

The driver of the firetruck suffered minor injuries as did the driver of the Escalade. As one of the few eyewitnesses I stayed behind and gave my testimony of the accident. It was pretty crazy to watch the whole thing unfold. The driver of the Escalade was a 21 year old, and had just got the car last week. Apparently he was on his cell phone and wasn’t paying attention.

Anyway, back in the olden days, the worst thing that could happen to you was your floppy disk broke. Otherwise, the computer was your canvas, and you could run scripts and draw designs at will (who could forget the old Turtle drawer or the old number formatting system. I spent hours as a child playing around with the old Turtle Logo drawer).

I’m probably the only one who longs for the olden days of video games. Then again you’re talking about a guy who would rather plug in his Nintendo rather than an XBox360.

More to come later…including why everyone is telling me they love my giant ‘peter’.

She should have used the Princess August 7, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in current events, funny, humor, nostaglia, opinion, pedestrian behavior, random references, stupidity, video games, world news.

It’s nice to be back to civilization after traversing through the land of endless miles of cornfields yesterday (I had to take a trip through the hills of South Eastern Missouri/Southern Illinois on my way to the Grand American Trapshoot in Sparta, IL). The heat (105 Heat Index) fried my brains to shreds and coming straight to the office off the plane didn’t really help matters mentally. I’ve been stammering out sentences all day and my eyes are glazing over. In fact I don’t even know if this is making any sense whatsoever right now! But I just saw an article I just couldn’t resist “commenting” on.

So apparently this French girl tripped out on Shrooms’ in Amsterdam and tried to jump off a building because she probably thought she could fly.

The article references that the young girl took “Magic Mushrooms”, like the kind that’s seen here:

I immediately thought of my favorite movie of all-time, Airplane II, where the wife is recalling on the plane the time the husband did some of that “bad acid” and thought he was jesus christ while he tried to jump off a roof cause he thought he could fly. (I’ll have to vidcap the clip for you since it’s no where to be found on YouTube). Anyway, since that reference is probably too random for most of you (except for my friends to whom I quote lines of Airplane on an almost daily basis), the other thing I thought of was Super Mario Brothers II and how by “eating” (or in this case squatting down and flipping) the mushrooms, you got an energy boost and you grew in size. (One day I need to talk about how fucked up the Japanese are by inventing these types of ideas in the first place (let’s not forget the whole Tamagotchi debacle of the mid 90’s. But I’ll save that for another day…maybe when I’m tripping on shrooms myself!).

Since it’s well documented how great the euphoric effects eating “magic mushrooms” are and assuming this girl at some point had played Super Mario Brothers II in her lifetime (although she was French…do they french even play video games?) she would have known that if she was going to jump off a building or ledge, she should have morphed into the Princess.

Only the Princess is able to float on air after consuming mushrooms

So let this be a lesson to all who plan on taking shrooms and then trying to jump off buildings. You only start out with 2 lives. Select your player wisely.

He’s the Man! June 4, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in animals, celebrities, current events, eating, food, funny, new york city, photos, pictures, politics, sports, television, video, video games, white castle, world news, yankees.

No…not talking about A-Rod who hit the game winning HR last night in the 9th inning to beat the Red Sox (long after I had turned the TV off in disgust).

Nor am I talking about Vladimir Putin, who is doing his best to touch off “Cold War II”. (and frankly we could use another cold war…I’m longing for the return of the USA vs Russia arcade game!)

Perhaps a new cold war can spark the return of the USA vs Russia arcade hockey game!

No…I’m talking about the (cue Michael Buffer voice) New, International Hot Dog Eating Champion of the World….Joey “The Tsunami” Chestnut!

Ladies & Gentlemen, your new hot dog eating champion!

Chestnut shattered Kobayashi’s record over the weekend by eating an amazing 59 1/2 hot dogs in 12 minutes in a “warm up” for the Nathan’s 4th of July Hot Dog Eating Contest! Read the news article here: http://origin.mercurynews.com/breakingnews/ci_6048231

Chestnut, who is one of my favorite competitive eaters due to him being the Krystal eating Champion of the world (Krystal is similar to White Castle), bettered Kobayashi’s record by a whopping 6 hot dogs! Watching Chestnut compete against Kobayashi last year at Coney Island was special, because no one’s even come close to beating Kobayashi in recent memory. Chestnut lost to Kobayashi by a hot dog and a half last year so there was hope that he could dethrone Kobayashi this year at Coney Island. In fact the only “person” who has beaten Kobayashi in a hot dog eating contest was actually an animal, a brown bear to be exact, who destroyed Kobayashi on that TV show Man vs Animal on FOX a few years back (click the link to play video from that contest)

The only competitor to beat Kobayashi in Hot Dog eating was a bear

But Chestnut is now the new “king of the hot dog” and watching him and Kobayashi go toe-to-toe (or mouth to mouth) on July 4th for the title should be awesome.

This year you can guarantee Kobayashi will be signaling Chestnut is the man!

Time “Killing” Game of the Day April 4, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in celebrities, funny, games, opinion, random references, sarcasm, travel, video games, world news.

Since its a gloomy and rainy Wednesday here in the NYC, its a great time to cheer yourself up with a family friendly game!  Today’s “time killing” game comes courtesy of Adult Swim (kudos to Juliana for the find!). 

The game is entitled: 5 Minutes to Kill Yourself.



Why are you killing yourself you ask?  Well your boss just asked you to come into another waste of your time meeting and frankly you’ve had enough.  So you use anything in your reach, staplers, scissors, lighters, talking to other coworkers, etc, to expediate your death. 

Not that I’m condoning such behavior, but as a game it’s fairly entertaining.  Definitely worth a play or two. Or ten.

Anyway, now that I’ve helped destroy corporate productivity in the workplace today, I’m reaching out to all of my British friends out there. In May, I’ll be making my first visit to London and I’m looking for any suggestions on fun things to do or good places to eat. I know the obvious “must-do” tourist attractions are Tower Bridge, Westminster Abbey, the London Eye, etc…but anything else you suggest I should see or do while I’m out and about in England is more than welcomed! You know fun things like swimming in the Thames, punching a Bobbie in the face, handing out Beckhams are Gods pamphlets, you know…fun stuff like that. I’m sure I’ll have plenty to talk about regarding British pedestrian behavior and the vast world of the underground, but anything “out of the ordinary” or off the beaten path you’d like me to check out I’d be more than happy too. Although if it leads to any jail time I’m knocking on your door for some bail money!

In other world news, I was deeply saddened to see that Pippi Longstocking passed away today. I’ve been a long time fan. Although I was surprised to see that she was living in Asia (Hong Kong) and she had her hair darkened and her freckles removed. Although it was no surprise to me that she was the richest woman in Asia, all those royalties she made off her movie and books deals must have been astronomical! But nonetheless she’ll sure be missed!


Hunter Safety March 15, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in basketball, photos, pictures, sports, video games.

So those who aren’t aware, I completed and passed my hunter safety course a few weeks ago.  Pretty exciting actually, considering I had to sit through 10 hours worth of classes and take a 50 question test. I ended up getting a 98 on the test (not sure what I got wrong), but was pretty proud of myself.  I mean the test is mostly common sense, but being a Brooklyn boy, that’s something we often lack!

Granted I probably won’t have much opportunity to use a hunting license in NYC (Although there’s about 10,000 pigeons I have my eyes on!), it’s still good to have just in case I want to shoot anything besides clay targets.   But the funny part was the other day I was out with Bridget, Juliana and Tanya at Tracy J’s Watering Hole (on 19th btw Park and Lex). I had never been, but my father was friends with the owner Arthur (he used to do their air-conditioning) who happened to play for Duke back in the day.  Anyway, they had Big Buck Hunter in the front of the bar.  Bridget wanted to play so we pumped a few dollars in and went on an Elk hunt in Alaska.

Bridget took down a triple bull on her first round, which was pretty impressive since I’ve never gotten more than a double buck.  It’s my turn and I grab the gun.  I instinctively, thanks to my hunter safety, grab the gun with two hands like it was loaded (rule #1, always treat a gun like it’s loaded).  I held the gun with one hand under the forearm and the other on the butt of the gun with my finger off the trigger in the two-handed carry position.  As soon as the elks pranced on the screen I drew my gun up to my shoulder and fired.  My form was perfect. Although the pump action of the gun on the game is annoying, and I only took down one buck.  But it’s funny how ingrained hunter safety and proper gun handling was in my head even playing buck hunter.  I never did quite catch up to Bridget after her triple buck round, although I did hit plenty of buck but didn’t take them down (I blame the gun!).  I did fare better in the Dove round however (perhaps it was my championship form that aided me in those rounds!).  Anyway I don’t think I’ll play Buck Hunter the same ever again!

Tonight starts the Madness.  Time to let the beer flow, the wings go down and lose your voice screaming your heart out for the underdog even though they just destroyed your office pool!  I love March Madness!!


Scratching my basketball itch March 5, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in basketball, games, nintendo, random references, video games.

So fresh off watching my beloved Marist College Red Foxes Men’s Basketball team get beaten by our arch-rival Siena Saints last night in the M.A.A.C conference semi-finals I’ve decided to hold off on my post-game analysis until the bitterness of the loss and anger from the loss dies down a bit. For those not in the know, the college I graduated from over a decade ago had their best team assembled since 1987 when former NBA player Rik Smits led Marist to back-to-back NCAA Tournament bids. They were a good team in 1995 but the infamous “Mustafa Barksdale” and the phantom 4 point play ended our NCAA Tournament hopes and sent us towards the N.I.T. So with our last postseason appearance being 1995 and having the #1 seed and a postseason appearance in this year’s N.I.T already locked down we were hoping to get to see Marist finally make it back to the big dance for the first time since 87. Alas it wasn’t meant to be as they had to play Siena for the second time within a week and Siena made the proper adjustments (and shot lights out all game) to finally defeat us. Didn’t hurt that our 7 foot center went 0-6 from 3 point land (my feelings for him were described in an early blog entitled “The Tallest P*SSY ever”). Anyway, as mentioned that’s a rant for another day since the blood is still boiling a bit.

Although one highlight of the weekend was watching our woman’s basketball team clinch their 3rd trip to the big dance in 4 years. The women’s team was far better than the men’s team this year, with their only losses coming to Duke, Maryland (defending National champs), Villanova (in OT), Yale (bad loss) and Loyola, MD. So congrats ladies on a job well done! They should receive an #11 or #12 seed so maybe this is the year they can actually win a game in the NCAA’s!

Anyway with March Madness in full swing and with my basketball itch just urging to be scratched, I wanted to share this cool article I found regarding the history of basketball video games. It’s pretty cool, especially for those who long for the games of yore like Double Dribble, Dr. J vs Larry Bird, NBA Jam, Lakers vs. Celtics and the NBA Playoffs and NBA Live 95! (here are some images to bring you back a bit)

Here’s the link to read the full article and view more images: http://www.ugo.com/channels/sports/features/basketball/games_2.asp

It’s a fun read and takes you through the history of gaming. Although they left out one of my personal favorites: Marv Albert’s talking basketball game for Sega Genesis. I would just play with the soundboard all game, making Marv say “Yes!” and “Yes, and it counts” time and time again. Good hours of wholesome family fun (and especially funny since those who know me know I have a great Marv Albert impersonation!). In fact he was long my idol and hero, until he bit that prostitute in the back. Although I won’t blame Marv for that. Everyone gets hungry every now and again. Just ask Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield.

A lifelong goal…achieved? February 22, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in asshole of the day, baseball, games, humor, nintendo, sports, stupidity, video, video games.

So continuing on this whole Nintendo gaming kick. I recently decided my next challenge from my gaming past was to try and throw a shutout in Nintendo Baseball. Yep, the original Nintendo baseball game with 6 teams that had letters to describe the team since they couldn’t use team licensing. So what they did was match the uniform colors to the team letter. The teams were: C (Cardinals), R (Royals), P (Phillies), Y (Yankees), D (Dodgers), A (Athletics).

The game was baseball in its simplest form. Nintendo baseball games got a lot better with the advent of baseball stars and bases loaded (yes Brian, i’m still working on getting that “footage” of Paste charging the mound in Bases Loaded).

Anyway, I’ve never thrown a shutout vs. the computer in Baseball. Its nearly impossible to do thanks to some internal “cheats” where the computer magically drums up some hits when they’re down to score a run. I mean I’ve blown the computer out several times, scoring as many as 30 runs. But pitching wise, it’s hard to keep the computer, or a human opponent for that matter, without a run.

I tried my quest with the Yankees at first and got to the 6th inning shutting out the A’s, but gave up a 3 run homer in the top of the 6th (I went on to win the game 18-5). I tried again with the Cardinals and got to the 4th inning, but a 2 run double ruined the shutout (final score 13-4).

In my frustrations I took a break. I regrouped and decided for one more run using the “pitching rich” Dodgers. I drew the Royals as an opponent, so my odds of throwing a shutout instantly increased (granted this is 1985 baseball when the Royals were decent).

In order to make the game go quickly and to concentrate on pitching, I bunted pretty much all game to get easy outs. Such went the top of the first, where i made three outs quickly. The Royals were the home team, and they threatened to end the shutout early with 2nd and 3rd and 1 out. But the generic lefty Dodger pitcher rose to the challenge with back to back strikeouts to end the threat.

The Dodgers went 3 up 3 down in the top of the 2nd as did the Royals in the bottom of the 2nd with 2 more strikeouts.

The third inning I decided to swing away and smacked a solo homerun to center field. I bunted the rest of the inning to keep the lead 1-0. Bottom of the third the Royals hit a leadoff double, but a pair of pop outs around a strikeout ended the threat. The middle innings were quiet, with the Royals picking up singles in the 5th and 7th, but getting no further. I decide to keep 1-0 lead in hopes the computer “cheat” would try to kick in if i had a big lead built up.

The bottom of the 8th brought drama as the leadoff batter for the Royals blasted a shot to left center. However I jammed him just enough to keep the ball in the park as it just hit the top of the wall for a double. After a clutch strikeout on a 3-2 count, an infield single put the Royals on 1st and 3rd with one out. The pitcher dug deep and after working a 2-2 count with mostly curveballs, I blasted a 90 mph fastball in on the hands to get a clutch strikeout. With two outs I kept lobbing in curveballs and induced a bouncer to the pitcher to end the threat. Whew.

I decided to keep the lead 1-0 going into the bottom of the ninth. The anticipation of being so close to my first Nintendo shutout was starting to make my palms sweat. I knew the computer was gonna come out swinging and they did, fouling off numerous pitches down the lines. I dug deep though and froze the first two batters with slow curveballs to two strikeouts looking. I had made both batters look like Beltran in the NLCS frozen by slow knee bending curveballs. I was beyond amped at this point.

Two outs. Bottom of the ninth. One out away from achieving a “life-long goal”…or at least a goal I had since I was a child.

My first pitch was an inside curve ball. Too far inside to nick the plate. My second pitch was an inside curve that hit the corner. Third pitch was fouled off deep to the right. Holy crap. That was close. He was on the curve. Do I go fastball and try to mix speeds up? It seemed by his swing he was looking fastball but got curved and fouled it off.

Then I made the fatal mistake of deciding to record this moment for infamy. In lieu of using my video camera since it’s non digital, I decided to use my cell phone. I had to position the camera in my lap to record the moment. I decided to go curveball inside to set up a fastball if the curve got fouled off. I was more worried about recording the event that I didn’t put as much snap on the curve as I wanted too. I wanted the pitch to go in and curve back. It was in on the hands but here’s the result (go to the blogger site to view the video):

Are you fuckin kidding me??? What an asshole I am. I knew that by recording the moment it was just asking for trouble. I could’ve just struck him out, took a picture of the screen and went from there (although some could’ve said, well you could have just been playing two player and “cheating”). So I did it legit and paid the price. Man, talk about clutch. I knew I should’ve went fastball. Devasting. So close. One strike away from a goal being fulfilled. Thanks to no extra innings in Nintendo baseball the game ended 1-1 after I struck out the next batter.

Although it did make for one of the best “live video game moments” of all time. It wasn’t like I grooved him a fastball down the middle. I was going for the strikeout and he basically crushed the ball off his hands. All it would need is Vin Scully’s voice to make it more dramatic. If I was a dork I would have audio tracked it, but don’t have that kind of time on my hands (maybe next time 🙂

I’m also willing to say that that’s one of the most dramatic and clutch homeruns of all time. Definitely ranks up there with Gibson’s HR, Puckett’s or Carter’s HRs in the World Series. If it had been a game winner could have been in the pantheon with the Yaz foul poul shot or the Bobby Thompson “Shot Heard Round the World”. Even if it didn’t take place on the “grandest stage”, those who have played Nintendo baseball know how high scoring the game is and how its very hard to throw a shutout.

Sympathy cards can be posted here if necessary or emailed to speedycdj@aol.com