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Vacation – a brief recap December 22, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in photos, pictures, travel.
9 comments

I may have misled some of you into thinking we took an exotic vacation based on the previous pics of the beach.

Well we did go down Souf to Florida. But only to the extremely exotic location of Orlando, Florida.

Our trip was to Universal Studios, to which I have never been.

Since we got down there a few hours before our hotel opened, we decided to do what anyone else would do in Orlando in the late morning. Play mini-golf.

However the mini-golf gods weren’t pleased with our playing mini-golf at 11am apparently, as they caused my shorts to rip. How you ask? Well I straddled a bench to get my ball that had gotten away from me and into the water. And then psssssffft. We got a ripper.

As you could image I was pretty despondent after my “wardrobe malfunction”

But I finally sucked it up, and we went to play in the park.

Right off the bat we went for the Hulk ride…which is a looping, twister fast coaster. Ordinarily I would have laughed my way through, but only after popping some motion sickness pills. Sans pills the ride was still fun, but I was definitely a little nauseaus afterwards.

Luckily I resisted the urge to blow chunks

After finally settling down, we grabbed drinks at Pat O’Brien’s, home of the famous hurricane.

After treating myself to some shrimp gumbo

and a muffaletta, day one came to a peaceful end capped by a gorgeous “moonset” over Universal

and checking into our “futuristic” hotel.

Day two found more fun at Universal’s Islands of Adventure, where we met some four legged friends

The pug you may recognize as Frank from Men in Black II.

After passing on some turkey legs for lunch

we took a quick drive over to Hollywood.

After returning from our drive, the rest of day was full of attractions and rides, such as the standing roller coaster Dueling Dragons and the most soaking water rides you’ll ever go on. Seriously. We were drenched for about two hours.

Day 2 capped off with a Macy’s themed parade where we saw some interesting friends


Nice dance move there


Shrek knows I’m the man

How did they know I just love a girl in cake?

Day 3 was filled with even more rides and fun, including going back to double dip on the Hulk ride, Doctor Doom and Spiderman’s virtual reality ride. After 6 hours of non-stop action, we needed to break for a well needed drink

I won’t bore you with the rest of the details from our trip but overall it was a great mini-getaway. Plus the park was EMPTY! There were no lines and we were able to go from ride to ride with ease. Definitely advised to go there the week before the week before xmas. In fact the only people there other than us were pretty much European tourists.

Before I depart, wanted to share some of my mad photo skills with y’all (Don’t say you’re not impressed 😉

“Cult” of Personality October 31, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in critique, eating, food, football, opinion, pedestrian behavior, photos, pictures, sports, travel.
14 comments

So I’m stealing a line from one of my most favorite songs of all time, Living Colour’s Cult of Personality.

Although the cult I’m referring to are the fans that inhabit Darrel Royal Stadium at the University of Texas, Austin.

I was last at a Longhorns game about 5 years ago and was amazed by how every single fan knew every single chant and battle hymn. Coming from a I-AA football school, we were lucky if students remembered when the team was actually at home.

Anyway, I had the chance to go to another Longhorns game this past weekend, as we were down in Austin celebrating Rich’s bachelor party. We saw UT take on perennial powerhouse Nebraska, who themselves have been struggling of late.

The hotel we stayed at (the Days Inn University) was packed full of Nebraska fans who made the trip down south. However, not wanting to be the enemies of 80,000 fans that pack into the stadium, we decide to don the home burnt orange and white.


The crew donning the burnt orange and white

We ended up tailgating at Sholz Garten before the game…which was this huge facility with a large backyard picnic type area with hundreds of peeps packed in. They had a large indoor hall with a big screen TV, where diehards were glued to one of the games. Outside they had a few bars with bbq grills. After waiting in line for 20 minutes for a pulled pork sandwich at one of the pits, I grabbed a seat and took a bite. However said pulled pork was kinda cold and very fatty. Definitely not an appetizing snack whatsoever, especially added to the fact I waited 20 minutes to get it.


The disappointing pulled pork at Sholz

Other than that the beer was great (kudos for having Spaten Oktoberfest on draft!) and the atmosphere was pretty kick ass!

(side rant coming: everything in Austin is made to order. Nothing is cooked ahead of time. While this is a nice touch, it adds completely unnecessary delays, especially at a tailgate or even at the game itself. The lines all day were ridiculous, because even soda from the fountain was made to order. They even ran out of hotdogs and pretzels before half time because they didn’t keep filling the machines. At Sholz, they made the burgers to order. So they waited for someone to order before throwing it on the grill. Now, when you have a line, of lets say 50 people or so, good planning dictates more than half of them will be getting a burger when it’s one of the 5 items you offer up. Dont’cha think you should have a bunch grilling and ready to rock, instead of having people stand there for 20 minutes? I mean I appreciate the “human touch”, I really do. But let’s talk about efficiencies here people. Think ahead. Prepare. Don’t run out of fuckin hotdogs at a football game. Thanks).

Back to football. Even though the team is struggling a bit this season, the fans were rapid from the opening ceremonies. The old PeeWee favorite “The Stars at Night are Big and Bright…Deep in the Heart of Texas” gets the crowd singing along, young and old alike. Not even at a professional football game will you find the crowd as pumped up before the game even starts than you will at UT. Case in point, when the players emerge from the tunnel and head across the field for a pre-game prayer, the fans pray with them.

It’s not all that surprising considering that in a state like Texas, football and god go hand-in-hand.

The Longhorns ended up winning the game 28-25. Nebraska actually had a lead in the second half with momentum, but couldn’t capitalize on a Interception around midfield as their drive stalled and ultimately UT took advantage of their superior talent in the game.

There’s some more stories to share, including how it took us over an hour to get food served to us at two different locations over the weekend…so stay tuned!

Friday Fashion Lesson October 19, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in fashion, travel.
17 comments

I reckon y’all need a fashion lesson this Friday courtesy of my friends down in Fort Worth.

First, start with your favorite pair of boots:

Then grab your favorite cowboy hat:

Don your preferred leather jacket:

And you’re ready to hit the town running:

That’s how we roll down at the Stockyards y’all.

Texas: football, steer and testicles? October 16, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in animals, eating, food, football, humor, opinion, photos, pictures, restaurant, sports, travel.
21 comments

Oh well…the Cowboys tried. They really did. But the Patriots were too much. Too much offense. The Cowboys actually had a lead in the game in the 3rd Quarter.


The scoreboard clearly shows the Cowboys up big

But poor play calling and execution by the Cowboys in the 3rd/4th Quarters pretty much did them in. Including going for a FG on 4th and goal from the 5 when they were down 14. Smart move. But give the Pats credit. They’re definitely talented and Brady is a stud. They very well could go 16-0. They have the talent too. We’ll just see if they can stay focused for that long.


The Patriots pretty much took the air out of Cowboys fans after their victory

I’ll follow up with pictures of the tailgate and other random player jerseys we came across during the game.

Other than that Dallas was fun filled and action packed. Ok not really action packed but definitely fun filled. Some highlights from the trip:

We started with a visit to the Grassy Knoll down by the Book Depository where that “man who was president” was shot.

If you didn’t know it was the grassy knoll, well…this sign could have helped you.

I mean really…ridiculous. Thanks for pointing that out. There’s even an X that marks the spot where Kennedy was shot. Completely over the top and distasteful as far as I’m concerned. Not that I didn’t take pictures of the area myself, but that’s for journalistic purposes of course!

Next up was a trip to the Whataburger. I had never frequented one before so I was up to the task. The burger was passable…nothing special. But special touch was getting it delivered to your table. The foam cup kept the soda nice and cold though. Foam is definitely a good alternative to the plastic cups most fast food places give customers.

After filling up on Whataburger we took a trip to the Ballpark at Arlington where we were treated to a behind the scenes tour at the stadium. It was only Tom, John and I so we were able to get a pretty intimate tour of the stadium, the press box and the team locker room. We also took a trip to the dugout. Unfortunately they were leveling the field so it was nothing but backhoes and dirt, but nonetheless it was pretty crazy being the only people in the stadium besides the few workers.

After our private tour we were craving some steak so we headed west to Fort Worth and down to the famous Stockyards. After knocking down a few Lonestars at a local watering hole we decide to fill out stomachs with good ole steer.

But first appetizers came calling. And the one appetizer that jumped out was the sampler platter, complete with ribs, mozzarella sticks, and calf fries.

Asking the waiter what calf fries were, he vaguely said something about the hanging sirloin of the bull (looking it up the definition of calf fries are buffalo, boar or bull testicles. They are usually peeled, coated in flour, pepper and salt, sometimes pounded flat, then deep-fried. Nice! High-five!).

I was undeterred however and after getting said testicles I was the first to try.


I can cross testicles of my list of food to eat

They were quite tasty actually. Very succulent (is it wrong to say testicles are succulent?) Then again anything fried is bound to be tasty. But they seriously tasted like chicken tenders. Even the guys agreed: testicles aren’t so bad after all!

After downing some apps and a salad it was on to the steer.  An 18 oz porterhouse with a nice baked potato and corn on the cob.

Of course being that I’m a glutton for ignoring my stomach when it says it’s full, I threw down some pecan pie.

Unfortunately I didn’t get any Paul Bunyon hats for my eating performance but I was completely stuffed afterwards. I was so stuffed actually that I wasn’t able to get out of the car when Tom and John went to the supermarket. So I just sat there and slumped in my seat. At least it allowed me to snap a picture of this beauty. Nothing like putting megawheels on a 4×4.

Only in Texas my friends, only in Texas.

Food a-plenty October 10, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in animals, bathroom humor, critique, current events, eating, food, funny, humor, movies, opinion, pedestrian behavior, random references, restaurant, sarcasm, sports, television, travel, world news.
49 comments

There’s a new king in town in the world of competitive eating.

Patrick “Deep Dish” Bertoletti, currently the #3 ranked eater in the world, has wiped the floor with Joey Chesnut in the past few days.

First, Bertoletti knocked off Joey Chestnut at the State Fair of Texas, winning the Waffle House World Waffle Eating Championship with a new record of 29 waffles in 10 minutes. Chestnut was the two time defending champion, but fell short by half a waffle.

For his troubles, Pat took home $3500 and the new Waffle House Belt, which was unavailable as of press time. No word if Pat also took home a year’s supply of syrup. (BTW…waiting for the Utah Flapjacks eating contest. That would be the breast! I mean best!)

Regaining his appetite quickly, Bertoletti then crushed Chestnut (get it, crushed chestnut – ha ha – I’m so witty) in a “Chicken Wing Chowdown” on Spike TV.

Pat devoured 4.1 pounds of buffalo chicken meat in eight minutes to take home the $25,000 grand prize! Not only did Pat hold off Chestnut, but he also knocked off Kobayashi in the contest (Joey ate 4.05 pounds for second while Kobayashi came in third, with 3.12 pounds).

Good stuff. I’m soooo looking forward to see who wins the Krystal Square Off on Oct. 28th. Bertoletti ate 76 Krystal’s to qualify this year. Although the record is still Kobayashi’s 97 Krystal’s in 8 minutes.

Speaking of eating feats, I happened to catch a show on the Travel Channel the other night about the Top 10 places to pig out.

The show was pretty good. Among my favorites were the 12 egg omelette at Beth’s Cafe in Seattle.

The eggs are fried on the grill and served up on a pizza plate with toast and hash browns. I’ve made some doozy omelettes in my days but don’t have a space large enough to make a 12 egg omelette. But I’d like to tackle that one day.

I’m also definitely down for the oyster challenge at the Acme Oyster House in New Orleans. You know I’m gonna try to battle my way on top of their Oyster Eating Contest leaderboard. Although there’s a long way to go to #1, as the top leader on their board downed 52 dozen oysters in 2-½ hours. I’m gonna have to bust out the “I Eat’M Raw” shirt for some extra inspiration.

Another challenge I’m up to trying is the Reilly Burger at Eagle’s Deli in Massachussetts. The Reilly Burger is named after local resident Sean Reilly, who devoured a six half-pound hamburger patties, quarter-pound of cheese (not quarter pounder w/ cheese – a QUARTER POUND of cheese). Before you think that’s nothing, he also polished off 5 pounds of french fries.

It took Reilly 2 hours and 7 minutes to finish the entire meal. Anyone who finishes the feat in the 2-½-hour time limit receives a full refund and their picture on the wall next to Reilly and his fellow overachievers, of which there are very few. I’d definitely be able to do the burger part. The fries I don’t know. That seems like a waste of calories to me!

Finally, the other challenge I’d like to embrace is the “World Famous, Free, Seventy-Two Ounce Steak Dinner” at the Big Texan Steak Ranch in Amarillo, Texas. The goal is to finish a 72-oz. steak, tossed salad, shrimp cocktail, roll with butter and baked potato in one hour. The meal is free if you can finish the whole steak and all the side items in an hour or less. 4,800 people have completed the meal out of 30,000 who have tried. I’m pretty confident I can add my name to that list. And I’m not lying either. I love me some steak. As long as they don’t make me dissolve all the grizzle and fat too, I should be all set (click picture to play the scene we all know and love!)

(Btw…no word on whether or not that was actually Keycoon, our favorite coon candidate for president, with a Swastika on his chest during his cameo role in The Great Outdoors. Stay tuned for his official announcement regarding this allegation.)

We’re not in Kansas anymore! September 25, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in eating, food, football, humor, photos, pictures, random references, restaurant, travel, video.
24 comments

Never thought I’d actually be able to say that in my lifetime. But I’m back from Kansas City and actually had a great time. My event went well this weekend and I made some new friends, including Steve Hickoff, Turkey Hunting Expert and Stuart Littlefield, who won our Outdoor Life Grand Slam Adventure contest. Steve is a fellow blogger himself and wrote a little of our experience this weekend (I impressed Steve with my knowledge and insight on competitive eating!) Stuart is a native Kansas City-ian and took us for some good ole homestyle BBQ on Saturday night. Joining us for a culinary adventure was Peter Mathiesen, Field & Stream’s Gear Guru.

Stuart took us to a place called Oklahoma Joe’s. Oklahoma Joe’s is situated in Kansas City, KS and is located in a gas station. Yep, half of the “convenience” area of the gas station was torn out to put seating and an order station. Since this was as authentic as BBQ gets I didn’t mind the long wait which stretched outside the doors.

Once we ordered the food was ready lightning fast. The place is market style, meaning you place your order, get yur order and find a seat. I decided on a pulled pork sandwich at Stuart’s suggestion and we all split a slab of ribs (I was corrected after requesting we split a rack of ribs. Apparently there’s no room for saying rack of ribs in Kansas…only thing racks refer to are deers and well you know…).

Anyway lemme tell you that the BBQ was lip smacking good! Unreal. Some of the tastiest, tender pulled pork I’d ever laid my fingers on. Same with the ribs. Juicy. Tender. Fell right off the bone.


The Oklahoma Joe’s slab of ribs


The pulled pork sandwich

The side of baked beans was merely an afterthought and the fries were just there to help soak up some of the tasty sauce. The pickles were a nice sweetener to compliment the beef. But honestly who cares about sides when you have some of the best meat around. Just look at how perfectly cooked the meat was. (Sorry LK- but you’re gonna have to get some my BBQ after that pic my friend). So needless to say I’m definitely a fan of the Oklahoma Joe’s.

It’s been tough coming back and getting into the work mode again. Although the day went by so fast on Monday that I didn’t even have a chance to give you your Monday morning fix, so for that I apologize!

Although I think this is one of the few times I’ve actually blogged at night! Much different vibe than blogging in the morning or during the day. I feel hipper. Fresher. More twisted in my thoughts. Almost as twisted as this young contortionist:

My favorite is when she busts into the worm. Unfucking believable. Talk about flexibility. I’m lucky I can touch the ground on my stretches (and that’s after spreading my legs a few extra inches). This girl can wrap her leg around her head like it’s a bandana. Crazy.

Anyway I’m sitting here watching Drew Brees continue to suck ass. He’s really killing me in fantasy football this year. My team is off to it’s worse start in my 10 year fantasy career and I really have him to blame. Good job Drew. Way to follow up on that dream season of yours.

I’m so depressed I went out and bought myself a cherry pie to make myself feel better. After devouring it in about 4 seconds along with a glass of Chocolate Soy milk I feel a little better about life. Although can’t say the same for my stomach.

Actually watching Brees stink up the joint my stomach is starting to turn a bit. Kinda sounds like it’s trying to sing Warrant’s Cherry Pie song. You know the words:

She’s my

Cool drink of water
Such a sweet surprise
Tastes so good make a grown man cry
Sweet

Oh yeah

She’s my

Put a smile on your face
Ten miles wide
Looks so good
Bring a tear to your eye
Sweet

Yeah sweet

Yeah

Kansas City…Kansas City Here I Come September 21, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in bathroom humor, eating, food, funny, hockey, photos, pictures, sarcasm, travel.
13 comments

Off to Kansas City this weekend. Actually looking forward to sinking my teeth into some BBQ goodness.

I’ve had that old Kansas City song stuck in my head all day…you know the one by Wilbert Harrison:

I’m going to Kansas City, Kansas City here I come
I’m going to Kansas City, Kansas City here I come
They got a crazy way of loving there
And I’m gonna get me some.

I’ll be standing on the corner
On the corner of Twelfth Street and Vine
I’m gonna be standing on the corner
On the corner of Twelfth Street and Vine
With my Kansas City baby
And a bottle of Kansas City wine.

Well I might take a train
I might take a plane, but if I have to walk
I’m gonna get there just the same
I’m going to Kansas City, Kansas City here I come
They got a crazy way of loving there
And I’m gonna get me some.

I’m gonna pack my clothes
Leave at the break of dawn
I’m gonna pack my clothes
Everybody will be sleeping
Nobody will know where I’ve gone
Cause if I stay in town
I know I’m gonna die.
Gotta find a friendly city
And that’s the reason why,
I’m going to Kansas City
Kansas City here I come
They got a crazy way of loving there
And I’m gonna get me some.

Although in my case the “loving” I’m gonna get there is coming courtesy of a huge meaty tender rack…

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You didn’t think I was gonna show you a woman’s rack did you? Please…this is a family friendly blog! I would NEVER show gratitious pictures of a female’s rack…

unless she was holding a rack of her own of course!

Now THAT’s a nice rack…(obviously I’m not refering to the girl)

Regardless…for those not fasting this weekend (I’m definitely playing my Catholic Card this weekend)…enjoy your weekend. I know I definitely will!

Soooooeeeeeeeyyyyyyyy!

And now a word from our sponsors August 28, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in celebrities, humor, sarcasm, travel.
12 comments

Firstly my apologies for the lack of updates recently. As many of you know I’ve been off traveling this great country of ours for work and my latest stop brought me to Springfield, MO.

After being stuck in the Dallas/Fort Worth Airport for 9 hours because not one, not two but three of my flights I was scheduled to leave on had mechanical failures (including one right before take off), I was stuck in airport long time as Tom Hanks would say (that sentence sponsored by the Terminal – now available on BetaMax for your viewing pleasure).

So after barhopping through the airport, including spending 2 1/2 hours downing Vodka Tonics in chili’s and talking to the 5 or 6 people who sat next to me at the bar since I wasn’t going anywhere for a while (that sentence sponsored by Snickers. Satisfy your hunger today), I finally made my way to Springfield. I hopped on my flight and it was one of those “puddle jumpers” with one seat, aisle and 2 seats, with just enough headroom to fit the cast of Little People, Big World (thanks to my sponsor, TLC). I was sitting in seat 2A…which would be first class normally, although on a puddle jumper it just means I’m sitting in the service vestibule (yes, I broke out the word vestibule. I’m working on 2 1/2 hrs of sleep here people. Thanks).

Anyway the flight attendant (male) came up to me and said we have the last name. I asked him how he pronounces his and he said Jet-tay. I said really, me too. Then he says, well I can’t really say that though cause I live down south and they don’t like the French much down here. Actually the funny part is I don’t bother correcting people on my last name either, especially on the road. Last thing I need is to start a holy way south of the mason dixon line by sounding french, even though no one in my family speaks French nor can we directly trace any French heritage. So I just let them call me Mr. Jet.

Well Mr. Jet-tay (the flight attendant) and I chatted for a long while and he was a pleasant fellow who grew up in CT and moved to Dallas 21 years ago. He even game me an extra can of coke to take on the road. Which was much appreciated since I had missed my ride which left at 3pm and had to rent my own car. Nothing like driving in unfamiliar territory at 10pm after spending all day in the airport downing Vodka Tonics. But then again this is Missouri and I was heading towards a place I’ve always wanted to visit: Branson.


Branson, MO – the Las Vegas of the Midwest, without the hi-priced strippers

I mean how can you not love the entertainment capital of the midwest. Home to such family friendly acts as Tony Orlando & Dawn, Yakov Smirnoff and the Baldknobbers.

Coming down the highway (Route 86) there’s about 1 million billboards advertising all of the activities you can do in Branson, like watch D rated entertainment, eat, shop and eat some more. I’ve seen it featured in numerous food and travel shows and have always wanted to stop to take a look. Unfortunately I was in no mood for stopping at 10pm and even more unfortunately my schedule prohibited me from truly experiencing Branson, save for the neon sign that said Branson and the huge Yakov! sign above Yakov Smirnoff’s theatre:

I guess I’ll just have to go pay another visit someday. Especially when I’m in the mood for some banjo jubilee and some bald guys with no teeth. Nothing says entertainment like the Baldnobbers!

(This whole post sponsored by Lunesta – who reminds you to be responsible and get more than 2 1/2 hours of sleep).

My own empire August 15, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in celebrities, critique, fashion, sex, travel.
13 comments

A few months back ESR-W came back from a trip to Europe with a tearout of a magazine. The tearout was of a fragrance entitled: Jette by Night

I laughed of course being that’s my last name and kept it aside for a keepsake.

Well more recently I saw another ad for Jette by Night, but this time for a shower and body gel!

So I decided to look up the product. Lo and behold the product is a huge sensation throughout Europe! No way! Not only is it a fragrance, body and shower gel, but there’s also jewelry, clothing, footwear, eyewear and even skates! Crazy!

I found out the designer is a lady named Jette Joop so she named all of her product line after herself (although secretly I think she named the products after me!). In fact, the designer is so popular she throws huge bashes when a new product line is launched!

It’s crazy. And since it’s a European based company they definitely use sex to sell “my product”. Take a look at these hot ‘adverts’:

I’m thrilled my product is all about the high fashion. Especially the roller skates.


My skates are off the hook!

Obviously it’s all one big coincidence that the product line is named after me. But regardless it seems like this “imposture” is making quite a living off using my name. Maybe I’ll have to consult my attorneys to get some royalties. I mean she’s gotta be raking in millions!

So Ms. Joop or Ms. Jette…or whatever you go by, just remember, as Brooke Astor said: “Money is like manure, it should be spread around.”

Cute? Or Bent on World Domination? August 8, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in current events, movies, politics, random references, travel, weird, world news.
14 comments

So apparently a giant Lego emerged from the sea at a resort in Amsterdam

No one has been able to identify where LegoMan originated from, but one woman speculated that the LegoMan came from the UK.

I personally love his shirt that says “No real than you are”.

I mean could that make anymore of a political statement? LegoMan is basically telling us that like him, we’re just a piece of plastic on this earth.

The smile is quite devious too…so you wonder if it’s really a spy LegoMan sent from a neighboring country like the UK. It’s no secret that the English and the Dutch don’t get along. Actually in Ireland last year I heard this English guy refer to his friend from Amsterdam as a “Dutch Fucker” (make your own assumptions on what that means).

So this very well could be a “Trojan Horse” trick pulled by the English. If so, it would be a huge boon for the Brits, whose last “Trojan Rabbit” trick during Monty Python and the Holy Grail failed miserably.


The LegoMan trick could be a re-do for the botched King Arthur Trojan Rabbit debacle