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I’m from Hollywood…Florida??? November 14, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in animals, asshole of the day, critique, current events, funny, humor, new york city, opinion, pedestrian behavior, sarcasm, stupidity.
10 comments

So probably 0.0000001% of you saw this today (well yesterday by the time this post goes up in WordPress land), but thousands of cranky NYC commuters did. On page 6 of AM New York (too bad it wasn’t the “other page six”) I was quoted in the “Sound Off” area of the paper.

My quote was my response to the feeding the pigeon ban fiasco as reported here on Monday. I was engaged in a heated debate on the AM New York site about the ban and seemed to be the only one in favor of it.

In the message board I was called “an animal hater” and basically told to go to hell by some pigeon fucking assholes.

But nonetheless, in plain print was my opinion on the matter:

If you want to see the paper in its entirety you can view it here: http://www.amny.com/media/acrobat/2007-11/23136028.pdf

Now, I’m definitely honored that they would select my quote to appear in the newspaper. I haven’t been quoted in a newspaper since my college days, and that’s when I was quoted as saying Marv Albert was my role model just a few days before he was found biting prostitutes in the back. So this ink was decidely much more positive.

Actually my full quote on the site was: “I wholeheartedly agree with the ban. If you grew up in any part of the city you know that by and large pigeons are for the most part pests. Their shit literally rots away our bridges and buildings. They don’t contribute anything to the city. They’re not pretty and “bird watchable” by any means. Anyone feeding a pigeon should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Perhaps their punishment should be having a gang of pigeons shitting in their house for a week and we’ll see how they like it.”

So AM New York did some censorship on my behalf. But whatever. These days you can’t even print the word shit without the Federal Cocksucking Commission coming down on you. But to see what the discussion forum was where they grabbed my quote, you can view it here: http://www.topix.net/forum/source/am-new-york/TPG285OEGMQ7RGO4F.

It’s definitely worth a laugh seeing how stupid these pigeon fuckers are. Especially this douchebag Adam quoted besides me in the paper. Does his quote even make sense? Seriously. “Does anyone even know the price of gas? Anyone know what the implications are?”. What the fuck does that have to do with eliminating pigeon shit asshole? Way to make a complete asshole out of yourself. If this was a debate I would have wiped the floor with him.

Anyway, what pissed me off was the quote said I lived in Hollywood, Florida. I mean I’m not knocking Hollywood, FL. I’m sure it’s a lovely community of dinosaurs and retired Jews from up north.

I mean, it’s on the ocean. It has its own government. And its welcome sign is a lot nicer than that shitty sign that greets you out in the “other Hollywood”:

You sit there and tell me that sign is not nicer than this piece of shit:

I rest my case.

But still, it was a little bizarre to see someone quoted on a NYC pigeon shitting problem from Hollywood, FL. I just about lost all my street cred with that one.

Thanks alot AM New York.

Ain’t no bagel worth no $1,000 November 8, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in common sense, critique, current events, eating, food, humor, new york city, opinion, stupidity, world news.
31 comments

Na ah. A bagel worth one large? Fuggetaboutit.

But it’s the truth son.

Some fancy pants chef created this so called “$1,000 bagel” using white truffle cream cheese and goji berry infused Riesling jelly with golden leaves. Say what?

The bagel is the brainchild of chef Frank Tujague of The Westin New York hotel. Apparently proceeds from the bagel go to some foundation for aspiring chefs. But regardless could you imagine just asking for a bagel and cream cheese and having to whip out 10 benjamins to pay for it? Grandma Ruthie would have a heart attack. I mean a bagel with lox these days is expensive enough!

But, $1,000 for a bagel is just a drop in the bucket compared to this $25,000 hot chocolate!

Apparently this hot chocolate served at Seredipity (where else) called a “Frrozen Haute Chocolate,” is a mixture of 28 types of cocoas, 14 which apparently are the “most expensive and exotic from around the globe”. I’m sorry, but I didn’t realize there were more exotic brands of hot chocolate than Ghirardelli. Fuck, I don’t think I get much more fancy than the 60 pack of Swiss Miss.

If that’s not enough, the dessert is “infused with 5 grams (0.2 ounces) of edible 23-karat gold and served in a goblet lined with edible gold. At the base of the goblet is an 18-karat gold bracelet with 1 carat of white diamonds. The sundae is topped with whipped cream covered with more gold and a side of La Madeline au Truffle from Knipschildt Chocolatier, which sells for $2,600 a pound.”

Oh and to top it off, “it is eaten with a gold spoon decorated with white and chocolate-colored diamonds, which can also be taken home.”

What the fuck. That shit better give you an instant orgasm in your pants and better get you laid all night…especially after paying $25k for that shit! You know how many women you can get at one time with $25k??? (Wait before you answer that, I forgot that’s not even a drop in the bucket apparently at Scores, where that poor bastard ran up a $250,000 tab a few years back). How the fuck did he do that again?

And I’m sorry…if I’m buying my significant other a bracelet with 1 carat of white diamonds, I sure as hell ain’t covering that shit in any chocolate or whipped cream. Talk about devalueing a piece of jewelry. Do that with a piece of shit piece of jewelry you buy at the mall or at Spencer’s Gifts that ain’t cost more than $1.

Ridiculous. Really. There’s millions of starving people out there, and assholes are buying desserts and bagels for thousands of dollars. No wonder why so many people hate Americans.

Are You ‘Shittin’ Me? November 6, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in bathroom humor, common sense, current events, opinion, pedestrian behavior, stupidity, weird, world news.
17 comments

So thanks to John for this ‘scoop’ today.

Apparently there’s a memo in Florida that was created by a sheriff’s office warning of a new drug called “Jenkem”.

This drug is “a homemade substance which consists of fecal matter and urine. The fecal matter and urine are placed in a bottle or jar and covered most commonly with a balloon. The container is then placed in a sunny area for several hours or days until fermented. The contents of the container will separate and release a gas, which is captured in the balloon. Inhaling the gas is said to have a euphoric high similar to ingesting cocaine but with strong hallucinations of times past”.

Although in doing some research, it looks like (according to Wikipedia), “the first media description of Jenkem came from an Inter Press Service wire report in 1995.”

The smoking gun just got their hands on this memo and posted it on their site.

The Smoking Gun hasn’t found verification of any student actually using the drug but honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if they were. Actually it’s been reported this drug was often used in Germany just before prostitutes took part in shizer videos. Ok I can’t really back that up.

But could you imagine getting high off of a combination of stale feces and urine? No thanks. That smell definitely wouldn’t put me in an euphoric state. It may make me puke my guts up everywhere, but it’s doubtful if you could get that much of a buzz from the smell?

Anyone out there ever use it and if so what was your experience?

The Guacamole Story October 24, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in eating, food, photos, pictures, stupidity.
15 comments

So many of my friends have heard this story by now, so figured it was a good one to share on this rainy Wednesday. Plus after all these months I finally got the pictures of the ordeal so for the first time ever, there’s some pictures to go along with the infamous story.

Back at our Holiday party last December in our office, we had a professional chef – John Reilly – come and cook up us a feast. Mr. Reilly is a renowned chef who has cooked for presidents in the White House and now has a catering company here in NYC. Mr. Reilly is also an avid hunter and wild game chef, and delighted us in the past with such delicacies as Black Bear empanadas, Braised Pheasant, Smoked Duck Lo Mein and Venison Burgers.

For our holiday party Mr. Reilly served up a smorgasboard of treats, including grilled shrimp, lamb chops, chicken and beef skewers and venison quesadillas with homemade quacamole.

It was heaven for a carnivore and I was up to the task, eating pretty much non-stop for 2 straight hours. Plus I helped myself to a bunch of beers and homemade margaritias.

At the end of the party, dessert came out in the form of homemade fudge brownie squares with vanilla ice cream. Of course there’s always room for desert so I helped myself to a few squares and was ready to call it an evening.

A bunch of us were sitting around and the conversation turned to eating. One of my coworkers bragged about how many brownie squares he could shove in his mouth. This inevitably led to conversations about eating capacity, which somehow turned into a dare.

There was a full bowl of guacamole on the table. When I say full, I mean flowing and over the top. The guacamole was in one of those molcajetes – the stone bowls traditionally used at Mexican restaurants to serve guacamole. Somehow the bet turned to me and the challenge was to finish the entire bowl of guacamole in 5 minutes.

Initially I resisted since I had just eaten and drank for 2 straight hours and was way past capacity. Even though money started flowing on the table (got up to $100), it was ultimately my pride (and stupidity) that led me to accept the challenge.

At first the guacamole went down smoothly and I was plowing along. However no matter how fast I ate, when someone would scoop a fresh batch onto my plate it seemed like the bowl was still way past full. It didn’t help matters that some in the room were trying to make me laugh, including putting one of those 100 gallon garbage bins next to me.


Co-workers making me laugh was costing me some valuable time

I was undeterred however and kept plowing along. However at the three minute mark things started to slow down tremendously. At this point our lovely PR director here decided to get her camera to start capturing the action (in case I started to puke everywhere – how kind of her 🙂

My hands literally started shaking after about 4 minutes. I was about halfway through the bowl and there was no way I was finishing it with a minute to go. I felt my color leaving my skin. It felt like I was 10 shades of pale. I was taking long bites and struggling to shallow even the smallest bite. So out of kindness they decided to bonus me two extra minutes.


Starting to struggle


Feeling completely pale

After sipping margaritas (probably not the best thing to drink while eating fast) I got past the wall that hits most competitive eaters and runners alike.


Getting to the bottom of the bowl

With renewed confidence, I started to plow through the rest of the guacamole. Shoveling it into my mouth as fast as I could, I finished the entire bowl at just under 7 minutes!

I couldn’t believe I had actually done it. I was beyond full it was so disgusting. I was beyond a food coma. My eyes were completely gazed over and my whole system felt like it was in shock.

I heard hootin and hollering around me but I literally just sat there staring dead ahead in a complete daze. People were high fiving me and I’m not sure I could feel my hands. Now I know what Kobayashi, Chestnut, Thomas and Conti must feel like after a competition. You’re beyond bloated and stuffed. You literally put on like 5 pounds just from the food alone.

Mr. Reilly unfortunately had left prior to the competition, but our boss called him up and told him what transpired. After some negotiation, the chef agreed to give me the guacamole bowl, which was hand made specifically for him down in Guatamala! I think that was a better prize than the cash!


The prized trophy

The best part was the wait staff that was working during our party had no idea what was going on. After I had finished the guacamole, one of the workers came back into the room and looked stunned at what had transpired. Our boss asked him if he’s ever seen anyone eat that much guacamole at once and he shook his head no. He then proceed to exclaim in astonishment that I had ate 22 avocados! It was well over a quart of guacamole (can’t remember the exact amount).


Trying to stop my hand from shakin afterwards

The worst part was we still were heading out to dinner afterwards. Sadly I just sat there at dinner staring at the food in front of me. Couldn’t eat a thing.

I did manage to keep everything down surprisingly. I did feel pretty sluggish over the next few days but I wasn’t too badly bothered by the ordeal. Actually we went out for mexican a few days later and I was able to eat guacamole pretty easily (at least I was eating it at my own pace!)

I am now the resident eating champ of my office and an official consultant on any eating competition from here on out. I’ll have to prepare myself for a new challenge this holiday season. Hopefully it will involve some kind of protein, perhaps burgers, steak or maybe shrimp or oysters!

Move bitch, get out the way October 18, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in asshole of the day, bathroom humor, common sense, critique, current events, humor, new york city, opinion, pedestrian behavior, photos, pictures, signs, stupidity, yankees.
33 comments

Today’s post is dedicated to all of those assholes who get in the way.

Like the guy who was arrested a few years back for blocking traffic on the sidewalk.

The pedestrian in question, Matthew Jones, “was charged with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest — by flailing his arms– on June 12, 2004. Police said other people “had to walk around” him, and he wouldn’t move when asked.” He is currently appealing his arrest.

Well I’m glad he went to the slammer. Had he followed the proper rules of pedestrian engagement and wasn’t a douchebag maybe he would have avoided getting a plunger stuck up his ass.

Next up is this fat ass who got in the way of a sixty-nine:

Good job 55. Fuckin fat ass. All I wanted was a picture of a 6-9 and you ruined it. Don’t you know there’s only two people in a sixty-nine…unless you’re in a Utah porn or something (btw, someone got to my blog recently by searching for Utah porn. Not sure why Utah porn is so special. Maybe it’s because of all the mormons. hmm…)

Another guy who needs to go the fuck home is this guy:

“The protest was not without its superfans. Joaquin Ferreira, 54, of Brooklyn, arrived decked out in a Yankees hat and jacket. A fan for 10 years, he said, “I’m here to support Joe Torre. If Joe leaves, the Yankees will go to hell.”

Wait a minute…Superfan? 10 years?? Are you fucking kidding me?!? So let’s see…hmm…10 years ago was 1997. Oh WAIT, that was ONE year AFTER the Yankees won the World Series. OH so that qualifies him as a superfan??? That Bandwagon jumping muthafucka? Un real. So he’s been a fan just as long as Joe Torre has been a manager with the team. Nice. Good intelligent writing AM New York. Oh and look, the person who wrote the article is a Newsday writer. The pinaccle of sports journalism. What a joke. Calling him a super fan is like calling boobsinjuriesanddrpepper.blogspot.com/ funny. (LK- there you go, I took a shot at her. Third in the voting for funniest blog my ass.)

Another person who needs to get out of the way is this asshole that had a sign that said “Cowboys Bound 4 Superbowl”.

Good job genius. Hope some Patriot fans shoved that up your ass after the game. Moron. Why don’t you wait until we’ve actually made the playoffs before declaring a trip to the Superbowl. Oh, wait…you must be a “superfan” too like the douche above. Let me guess, you started being a Cowboys fan in ’93? And no true fan goes to the game with a sign that calls out the network that’s calling the game. Fuck face.

Oh and btw…why that girl was announcing to the world that she’s a Homo Sexual is beyond me. I mean she’s cute and all and some chick would be lucky to have her as a partner. But seriously, honey, saying you’re a homo sexual with a big sign is probably not the best way to get on TV.

So you need to be naked to be famous these days? October 17, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in bathroom humor, celebrities, critique, current events, funny, humor, new york city, opinion, pedestrian behavior, photos, pictures, random references, stupidity, weird, world news.
20 comments

So I just heard about this (am I the fuckin last to know? Guess that’s what I get for not reading the Post!).

Apparently last Friday some ad agency worker had a meltdown and walked around the streets of Manhattan naked:

http://www.nypost.com/seven/10132007/news/regionalnews/nude_nut_had_bad_bare_day.htm

According to the article, Josh Drimmer, 26, “temporarily lost his senses and that he was just having a really bad day…It was an extreme panic attack brought on by days of not sleeping. I had a bad day.” Now, I’ve worked my fair share of bad days in agency land but never took to the streets naked as a result. I may have done some swearing and maybe even broken a pencil or two (don’t tell!) but that’s gotta be some kinda meltdown to go to Times Square in the nude.

Unless he was just trying to show up the Naked Cowboy.

But apparently this may not have been Mr. Drimmer’s first nude appearance in public. According to the article, Drimmer, a Yale graduate, was in a group called the “Pundits” where there were naked parties with party goers hanging out in the nude.

Mr. Drimmer is also a fellow blogger. He writes a blog, “Excellence Makes Wack Irrelevant” which he classifies as “some jottings, findings, and sharp darts thrown by Josh Drimmer, playwright, pontificator, patriot.”

Although he hasn’t updated his blog in quite some time so needless to say he’s “petered out” on the whole blogging experience? Hey-oh! Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here till Friday, try the veal.

Anyway, this guy is now a mega celebrity. He even caught the eye of this police officer who apparently thinks he’s a “detective”:


Notice the officer on the left “inspecting” the package

Easy there officer. If you stare at it too long it’ll make you go blind. Or is that what they say about masterbating too much? Can’t remember.

Anyway, am I jealous at his new found fame? Sure. But until I get into “nudity baring” shape I promise I’ll spare my fellow New Yorkers of me running around in the buff. Unless I need the publicity of course. Cause then I can just chalk it up to a bad day.

I leave you, Mr. Drimmer, with some words to live by:

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion’s gone away
And I don’t need no carryin’ on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You’re faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life’s been way off line
You’re falling to pieces every time
And I don’t need no carryin’ on

Because you had a bad day
You’re taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don’t know
You tell me don’t lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don’t lie
You’re coming back down and you really don’t mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Googlezon October 12, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in asshole of the day, common sense, critique, current events, fashion, new york city, opinion, pedestrian behavior, stupidity, video, world news.
11 comments

Sorry guys, been a crazy work day today. That and I’m off to Dallas for the weekend to watch my beloved Cowboys try to hang in there vs the Patriots.

But some “quickies” to share before I depart (and not of the sexual kind unfortunately).

First, on the train this morning I’m standing against the door. I’m wearing a green t-shirt and off-white cargo shorts (yes shorts…it’s still in the 50s/60s which is still shorts weather in my book. Keep looking at me like I’m a freak there assholes). Anyway this blond chick gets on the subways wearing the same color combination as me! She’s wearing a similarly colored green top and white pants! Not only that but the bitch has the audacity to stand right next to me! Unreal.

So now we’re standing there like two dofusses dressed alike.

THANK GOD she got off in just two stops. I mean really…who the fuck wears white pants after labor day? Com’on now!

Speaking of unreal and outfits. This lady sitting across from me on the train the other night had on one of those straw hats.

Everytime she moved her head, she’d poke one of the straws into the guy or the lady sitting next to her. They were getting so pissed. Who the fuck wears a hat like that on the subway (well unless you want space of course). I was trying not to laugh so I just calmly whipped it out and took a picture.

If I were sitting next to her though I probably wouldn’t have been laughing. Nothing like getting poked in the eye with some straw to start your evening commute home!

Anyway saw an article today that General Electric is looking to part ways with NBC. According to the article in MediaPost Publications by Wayne Friedman, “GE will consider an NBC sale after the network airs the Beijing Olympics next year…
Who would buy? Surely the usual suspects, like Time Warner, have been bandied about, since it’s a large media company without a full-fledged broadcast network — just one-half of one, the CW. Previously, Time Warner wholly owned the WB. But consider other bigger, perhaps more unusual players. There’s Google, Microsoft, Facebook, or some other new contraption of a media company looking to put a new spin on an old — but still promising — entertainment platform. This would make sense. While those new Internet/tech companies always get the buzz, they really aren’t ready to delve into the tricky world of TV program – or content — development. Yahoo tried to go that route and didn’t get very far. Even for a company like Google, which seems to grow larger and larger by promising advertising networks and marketing solutions to smaller and smaller companies, NBC – or for that matter any network — is still an attractive option because those old entertainment companies can still get big mass audiences with one hit show.”

Now this is exactly what I’ve been telling anyone who listens to the shit that pours out of my mouth. Google is looking to take over the world.

If you haven’t seen this video piece from the Center of Media Research you should. It talks about Google merging with Amazon to create “GoogleZon” which would basically control all the custom content you read and receive. It also talks about the New York Times eventually trying to sue Google and losing, leaving Google as the only powerhouse left in the media world.

Click here to view the video.

It may not be all true…but definitely interesting, especially given Google’s desire to snap up everything in it’s power.

Enjoy your weekend everyone.

GO COWBOYS! You can do it!

Wacky Wednesday October 3, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in animals, asshole of the day, bathroom humor, common sense, eating, food, funny, humor, new york city, opinion, pedestrian behavior, politics, random references, sarcasm, sex, stupidity, subways, weird.
109 comments

So on the subway this morning this guy sits next to me and starts reading the Post. He pulls out a carrot and starts chomping on it. Like, a full grown carrot, complete with brown spots and everything. I watched him out of the corner of my eye and it took him like 30 seconds just to chew and digest each bite before he’d chomp into the next bite.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone just start chewing on a carrot like that in the city…let alone on the subway. Most citiers get those presliced carrots…or they wash the carrots they buy and maybe peel off the outer layer. But this guy was chomping through, dirt and all.

Then on my way into my building I’m walking behind this woman who is obviously having a tough morning. She’s juggling her two bags, laptop and cup of starbucks and pretty much holding up pedestrian traffic. Oh and she’s also on the phone, one of those ear piece thingys. Anyway I overhear her say “yeah, it sucks, my space bar isn’t working…i mean how can you not have spaces. It’s like an important key. It’s not like an A or something”.

Iknowthespacebarisaveryimportantkeyandallbutseriously,isitmoreimportant
tobemissingspacesorisitmoreimportanttobemissingthelettera?

But of all letters she chose to call out, why the letter A? Don’t the vst mjority of the words we use contin the letter A? (3 A’s would have been used in that sentence alone!) Why didn’t she just say it’s not an important key, like the F11 button. Or the letter Z. Or any of those useless keyboard keys, like Pause/Break or Windows Start?

So I’m dedicating today’s blog post to the letter A.

A is in, asshole why don’t you think before you speak next time.

In other breaking news, a “coon” is running for president.

Now WAIT…before you go running off calling me racist and think I’m talking shit about Obama…I’m talking about a raccoon. As in the animal.


Can a raccoon be our next president?

It’s true. A raccoon by the name of “Key Coon” has already been endorsed by several influential bloggers, including one of our favorites, Laurie Kendrick.

In fact, early polls out of “Coonecticut” indicate that Key Coon has 68% of the popular vote, due to the fact that he has campaigned hard through the “Coonstitution State”.

Here at WhatPushesMyButtons, we have held back from declaring our support to any of the candidates for the ’08 election. But hopefully KeyCoon will be here to answer some very important questions our readers have in mind, like:

Would KeyCoon promote the growth of coontinuing education among today’s workers?

Could KeyCoon gain coontrol of the senate and the house?

What are KeyCoon’s plans to ease urban coongestion?

If he can answer those questions in a positive light, we may have no choice but to throw our support behind KeyCoon, who has unofficially been labeled, “The People’s Coon”.

And for those who have questions about the KeyCoon sex scandal, hopefully KeyCoon can address the issues upfront and honestly. Last thing we need is another president with a love of cigars and interns.


Can Keycoon overcome the sex scandals and make a run for presidency?

So go over to KeyCoon headquarters and let him know what your thoughts are about his run for presidency and stay tuned for more answers for your questions on his coongenda.

No hugging zone October 2, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in asshole of the day, bathroom humor, common sense, critique, current events, opinion, pedestrian behavior, sarcasm, stupidity, world news.
28 comments

So another place in this country of “freedom” communism has adopted a hugging ban. This time the principal of a Oak Hill, IL middle school has placed a ban on hugging in the hallways.

Principal Victoria Sharts of Oak Park’s Percy Julian Middle School is quoted saying, “Hugging is really more appropriate for airports or for family reunions than passing and seeing each other every few minutes in the halls.”

Sharts is further quoted saying: “Last year we would see maybe as many as 10 students on one side (of the hallway), 10 on the other and then, going in opposite directions, would sort of have a hug line going on and you could see where that would be a problem,”

Sharts also says that “rampant hugging is creating bottle necks in the hallway and making kids late for class…although hugs are supposed to be handshakes from the heart some times they don’t seem so innocent. Too long, too close, and usually between boys and girls.”

Before I rip into how ‘ass’inine this principal’s comments are, can we just focus on something for a quick second. Is her last name Sharts? As in I just Sharted myself?


Principal Sharts, the anti-hugger

I mean I’m sure she must get bullied non-stop from the children. I’m sure they be like, hey principal, here’s some Febreze for your ass. Or how’s the skidmarks treating you these days.

No wonder why she’s anti-hugging. Poor thing. But just because your name implies that you sharted yourself doesn’t mean you have to take it out on other children.

Furthermore since when are hugs “handshakes from the heart”? A hug, by and large, is supposed to be an intimate thing. A handshake by nature is quick and formal. I mean I’m not sure what types of hugs she’s gotten but obviously she wasn’t one of the more popular kids growing up. Nor was she shown much love from friends and family. Hugging is a sign of flirting and friendship, at least among students. Normally girls hug each other as a sign of friendship like guys slap five. But something girls and guys hug too. I mean you gotta assume some of these kids are already having sex. Isn’t that just like one giant hug between body parts?

Needless to say “Ms. Shit for Brains” is none too popular in her school these days. Now that the story is out the shit has really hit the fan for her. With all of the negative attention, I’d hope she gets canned soon. Maybe she’ll get the shit end of the stick in this deal. (ok that’s enough).

Before I go I need to gripe about something. Why the fuck did Poland Spring make their new bottle caps so hard to open. Seriously. You need a fuckin pair of pliers just to open the top.

I nearly sliced my fingers open and lost two teeth trying to pry the cap off.


The ingenious design of the new Poland Spring bottles

Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve had major problems with them. Then again we all know Poland Spring is made from springs of natural concrete so not sure why I’m drinking that shit anyway.

Gimme More Collard Greens Mutha Fucka September 27, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in asshole of the day, celebrities, common sense, critique, current events, eating, food, new york city, opinion, politics, restaurant, stupidity, world news.
22 comments

So y’all heard by now Bill O’Reilly done said some racist things in the past few days.

If you haven’t heard, O’Reilly was having dinner with Rev. Al Sharpton up at Sylvia’s, which is a soul food restaurant in Harlem (one of the best soul food restaurants around).

O’Reilly was quoted saying “couldn’t get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia’s restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it’s run by blacks, primarily black patronship.”

O’Reilly continued “You know, I mean, everybody was — it was like going into an Italian restaurant in an all-white suburb in the sense of people were sitting there, and they were ordering and having fun. And there wasn’t any kind of craziness at all,”

O’Reilly even added: “There wasn’t one person in Sylvia’s who was screaming, ‘M-Fer, I want more iced tea.”

Now I don’t know what types of restaurants O’Reilly has been in before with black folk, but its plainly clear he was out of touch. What did he expect, people to be climbing all over the seats, swinging from the chandeliers, stealing food off each other’s plates? I mean bitch, this ain’t no Chuck-E-Cheese or IHOP, this is Sylvia’s. Soul Food at it’s finest. If you wanted chaos and people cursing at each other then you need to go to Popeye’s or the B-K up in Harlem. Then people be all up in ya grillz asking for change and throwing chicken bones around.

I mean I’m joking of course but you get my point. It’s crazy that someone in this day and age thinks it’s an “amazing thing” that a restaurant run by “blacks” and frequented by “blacks” can be just as “civilized” as a “white run restaurant”.

I mean, Bill…last time I checked you were a business guy and you surely know that “blacks” hold CFO, President, CEO, and other highly influential positions in business. Hell aren’t there special publishing features and media reports devoted to the top companies run by minorities? I can’t believe you’d be that out of touch with civilization that you think every establishment run by a “minority” is run like a zoo. Now granted there is your occassional exception or two but seriously man…I’m disappointed.


Yo bitch, where my collard greens at?

All I know is that I’m thinking about wearing a Bill O’Reilly costume for this Halloween. I’ll show up to Sylvia’s or some other “black run restaurant”. I’ll scream at the workers “yo, motha fucka, where the fuck my chitlins and collard greens at”. Everyone will have a good time and laugh. And then I’ll take off my costume and sit and enjoy my meal like a civilized human being.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to seek out some fried chicken for lunch. All this talk about it has put me in the mood for some finger lickin goodness!