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Ultimate Shower Songs…Part Deux April 17, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in celebrities, critique, dancing, funny, humor, music, opinion, photos, pictures, random references, shower, shower songs, top blog candidate.

Ok…because many of you have asked for a new list, and it’s been nearly a year since the last list was “published”, it’s time for The Ultimate Shower Songs, Part Deux!

To those new to the blog, please view last year’s Ultimate Shower Songs list.

For those who have been faithful followers of this blog since day 1 and have waited almost a year for a new list, without further adieu, here’s part two of the best songs to sing in the shower (in no particular order):

Say, Say, Say. “Say” what you want about it, you know you love this duet between Sir Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson. It’s a good “warm up” song in the shower since McCartney’s vocals are pretty mellow and easy to replicate. Once your vocal chords are raring to go it’s time to rip into Michael’s part: “What can I do, I’m so in love with you…baby! Eee heee”. Gotta love Michael in his bas ass years!

McCartney and Jackson team up to produce a great shower song for you

Other good Michael Jackson songs to sing in the shower are Billie Jean, The Way You Make Me Feel, Man in the Mirror and Pretty Young Thing. Actually most Michael Jackson songs are great shower songs. I’m gonna go ahead and give him a lifetime Shammy achievement award! Congrats Michael, well deserved.

Don’t Know Much. Once you’ve exhausted yourself with Michael, you can mellow it down with some Aaron Neville. For those who have the vocal range you can also sing the Linda Ronstadt parts of the song. But Neville is relatively easy to sing in the shower thanks to his nasal-like tone. Plus it’s a good warm up for singing Neville’s famous cotton commercial. You know the one: “The touch, the feel of cot-tin. It’s the fab-rick of our lives.”

On The Wings of Love. Staying on the mellow theme, and because you just saw one of those Time-Life infomercials at 1 in the morning with the 100 greatest love songs, this smash by Jeffrey Osbourne is sure to eat up some of the hot water in your building. Plus the deep, resonating vocals bounce off the shower walls nicely. Although similar to Caribbean Queen, all you know is the hook of the song so that’s all you sing over and over again. You know, “On the wings of love, only the two of us together flying high. Flying high, on the wings of love”.

The smooth stylings of Jeffrey Osbourne lend itself to good shower singing material, even if you only know two lines of the song

Another song you only know the hook to is Never Gonna Let You Go by Sergio Mendes. So that’s all you sing over and over again. You know the words. “I’m never gonna let you go. I’m gonna hold you in my arms forever. Gonna try and make up for the times I hurt you so. Gonna hold your body close to mine. From this day on we’re gonna be together. Oh, I swear this time. I’m never gonna let you go”. Awesome stuff. Just awesome. Good song to extend your stay in the shower to.

For those itching for the summer months you can bust out a little Cruel Summer by Bananarama. “It’s a cruel (cruel) cruel summer. Leaving me here on my own”. Good stuff. You know you even hum the instrumental riff of the song. Very feel good shower song to get you ready for tanning season (or to make you feel bad about how white you are going into beach season as you wash your body). Other good “summer” songs are Summer Girls by LFO, Summer Wind by Sinatra and Summertime by DJ Jazzy Jeff and Fresh Prince. Although don’t readily admit you know the lyrics to Summer Girls by LFO…could be condusive to having your ass beat in some corners of the earth (more on songs that could get your ass beat later).

Other good songs to get you in the mood for good weather are Break My Stride by Men at Work (also sung by Matthew Wilder). “Ain’t nothing gonna break-a my stride, ain’t nothing gonna slow me down – oh no – got to keep on movin”. (Although please don’t sing the Puff Daddy version. Or anything by Puffy for that matter. As they say in my hood, he’s a “beat biter – a Pac style taker – I’ll tell it to (his) face he ain’t shit but a faker”). Getting Jiggy With It by Will Smith and This is How We Do It by Montell Jordan also are prime songs for getting in a “good mood” for nice weather. Plus if you do the Getting Jiggy With It dance while rinsing, you’ll be able to wash off the soap that is trapped between your rolls of fat. If you have rolls of fat of course.

Perhaps the most underrated Shower Song band is U2. Largely because everyone knows the lyrics to most of their songs and their style is very condusive to shower singing. With or Without You is a particularly great shower song, especially that section where Bono kicks it up a notch. “I can’t liiiiive. With or without you…..oh oh oh oh”. Great stuff. It’s the kinda song you want people down the hallway to hear you sing. Another great U2 shower song is One. “Love is a temple, love the higher love”. Powerful. Good song to pause whatever you’re doing in the shower to belt out the lyrics.

Congrats, U2! You’ve earned a Shammy for achieving greatness in shower song music

Back to the mellow stuff (and because the Time-Life commercial just popped in your head again). When I See You Smile by John Waite is a great shower song to sing, especially if you just scored a big hookup the night before. Plus this song helps you score bonus points if you’re trying to impress upon your live-in girlfriend or the hooker you let sleep over last night. Nothing puts a “smile” on a girl’s face like hearing “When I see you smile. I can face the world. Oh you know I can do anything”. Although if you’re living with another dude you may not want to bust this one out for fear that the gaydar would go off the charts.

Speaking of off the charts gaydar, other songs not to sing if you have a male roommate around include anything by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. Especially Sherri or Big Girls Don’t Cry. So what if you just saw the promo for “Jersey Girls” for the hundredth time, Valli’s songs should only be sung by those without any males within earshot (unless they happen to be musical theater or broadway actors – then you’re ok). If you choose to try the high notes of Sherri baby you best be comfortable with your own masculinity!

Other songs to avoid with a male around are A Whole New World by Peabo Bryson. So what if you watched Aladdin with your niece for the 50th time, singing this song is grounds for getting your ass beat by your roommate if he hears you singing it. Even if the vocals sound cool in the shower, sing this one at your own risk. Same goes for Let’s Give Them Something To Talk About by Bonnie Raitt. Although while you may get mocked and beaten by other males for singing it in the shower, you know damn well that after they’re done insulting your manhood minutes later they start humming the lyrics to themselves. Even if they won’t admit it, they should. The song is catchy.

Bonnie’s got your back if any male gives you shit for singing her songs

If you need to restore some of your male pride and save face, some good songs to turn to in the shower are Pearl Jam’s Jeremy, Creed’s My Own Prison, Metallica’s Enter Sandman and Nirvana’s Rape Me. Although you may wanna stay away from Rape Me if your male roommate recently completed a stint in prison.

On topic, songs to avoid if you’re trying not to violate parole for child molestation include anything referencing teenage girls, such as I Saw Her Standing There by the Beatles. Singing “She was just 17 you know what I mean” may be tough to justify. Although in your defense you can say you were just at a game at the Garden since that’s a MSG favorite (not so much for the she was just 17 part as much as the: “She wouldn’t dance with another…OOOOOOO” part that everyone belts out in harmony at once).

Another song to be weary of if you’re a convicted child molester is Into The Night by Benny Mardones. Why you ask? Um, how bout the lyrics:

“She’s just sixteen years old, Leave her alone, they say….But I want you to know, If I could fly, I’d pick youuuuuu up. I’d take you into the night, And show you a love…like you’ve neverrrrr seen. Ever seen”.

If that doesn’t scream child molestation/child prostitution I don’t know what does! Although it won’t stop me from singing it in the shower simply because it sounds cool acoustically. The lyrics invoke passion and are souful, despite the messaging.

Much to his dismay, and his smash hit, Benny Mardones has been placed on most child molester watch lists

That completes this list of the Ultimate Shower Songs, Part Deux. Feel free to comment on your own personal favorites and let the debate begin!

It sucks to blow March 26, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in bathroom humor, common sense, critique, funny, humor, shower, top blog candidate, weird.

Not in the way you’re thinking. Sometimes it sucks to blow your nose. As in when your nose is really dry and then because of that dryness, after you blow your nose it starts bleeding profusely. Not that this has happened to me oh in the last 15 minutes or anything.

Anyway, now that I’ve stopped doing my best Gerry Cooney impersonation, and continuing on this theme of “disgustingness”, I got an email from one of my friends this morning (his name will remain anonymous for the sake of everyone involved and for the sake of his own safety). But those of us who know him know he’s very crude in his description of things…much more crude than even me! (hard to believe, i know). Anyway he’s given us some doozy stories over the years, but I don’t think anything tops this mornings email we got from him. It left me shaking my head. Had it come from someone else it would be hard to believe, but coming from him, nothing shocks me anymore. So read the following at your own accord.

WARNING: THIS IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. EXTREMELY SICK SCENE COMING AHEAD. Remember, I didn’t say it so don’t hold it against me!


“Last week, I was in Albuquerque, New Mexico for training. While out there, I was showering and had to take a shit. Now, most people would wait to get out of the shower and then shit, which I have done many times. The only problem with that is the fact that my ass would not be clean. So, I decided to shit in the shower. Anyone try that before? I’ve heard about it before and never tried it, especially in my shower. But, I figured I was in NM and figured, what the fuck? So here I am, standing and shitting, in the shower. I was a bit excited to do this and try it. For you who have thought about doing this before but never tried it, here are my thoughts. While standing and shitting, it took a bit to come out as I was not on the bowl. After it came out, I felt good. Until the smell hit. Fuck, did it stink. Showering is supposed to be this beautiful cleansing time without any issues, but the smell was almost unbearable. In a toilet, the smell is contained in the bowl. In a shower, the smell is contained in the shower. Anyways, I squished the shit down the drain with my toes, which afterwards, had to be properly cleaned. So, needless to say, I would not recommend shitting in the shower. I should have waited til I was done showering to shit in the bowl. The only saving grace about shitting in the shower was that my ass was clean after shitting!”

Oh man. Could you imagine finding this in your email inbox first thing on a Monday morning? I won’t even attempt to analyze what he said.

Once I get my appetite back I’m going to grab lunch. Although next time I shower I may not help but laugh. And then be totally disgusted. And then laugh 🙂

Ultimate Shower Songs May 12, 2006

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in celebrities, critique, dancing, funny, humor, music, opinion, random references, shower, shower songs, top blog candidate.

So before I begin… This morning Bridget & I had a “Trainspotting Celebrity Sighting”. No not the movie. We saw a James Van Der Beek look-a-like. Dawson in the flesh. Complete with parted floppy blond hair and untucked button down shirt. His version of Joey was there too, albeit she was blond. But they argued. Separated for a bit. But then came together with an embrace. Why is this funny? No reason, except for that Bridget and I started humming the Dawson Creek theme song out loud… You know the one. “I don’t wanna wait, for my life to be over….do do do do”. Followed by my impersonation of the WB announcer saying ”on the next Dawson’s Creek.”

Anyway, so I know everyone’s done this at least once in their lives in the shower. No not that…not that there’s anything wrong with it (it’s completely sanitary and it washes away!) I’m talking about singing in the shower. You lose all inhibition and belt out your favorite, and often embarrassing, songs. Doesn’t matter how high/low key the song is, the shower is the ultimate recording studio. Everything sounds perfect to your ears. Maybe the water in our ears makes us tone deaf. But it’s definitely true. I’ve stayed in the shower a few extra minutes just to belt out a few tunes.

So this got me thinking, what are the best songs to sing in the shower? Obviously you don’t want one that requires too much movement and dancing, lest you want to slip and fall and break your leg like Brian Leetch on a patch of ice outside your home.

So being curious I did a google search on Ultimate Shower Songs. And wouldn’t you know I wasn’t disappointed. Although I don’t really agree with the list on this site, here’s the link:

Another search on songs to sing in the shower yielded:

Anyway, enough with what other people think. Here are some songs I think are the ultimate shower classics. Feel free to post your comments and I’ll add them to the list.

(In no particular order with side comments on why you should/already have sung this song in the shower)

Tempted by the Fruit of Another by Squeeze? The whole “fruit” thing… Being naked…..whatever. It’s one of your favorite guilty pleasure songs from the Reality Bites soundtrack)

Since You’ve Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson. Solely because no one can hear you shrieking a high key above the water. And no one can make fun of you when you know all of the words. And when you jump up and down during the chorus. (Again, not that there’s anything wrong with this). Actually Kelly Clarkson is becoming quite a good shower singing artist… They should give her a “Shammy” for that (Shower Grammy for those slow on the uptake).

Open Arms by Journey. To show off your sensitive side to yourself and your favorite body wash. Plus who doesn’t love Journey. Don’t Stop Believin is another shower worthy classic.

How am I supposed to live without you by Michael Bolton. Actually anything by Michael Bolton sounds good in the shower. The low key mumbling actually sounds cool acoustically in the shower. Not so much for Michael McDonald songs though… Those just sound terrible all the time.

Loving You by Minnie Riperton… It’s the only time in your life you can hit the high F without breaking glass or someone breaking your face with their fist.

Outside by Staind. When you have the ideal temperature in your shower and want to get the most out of the hot water before everyone else in your building uses it. Plus singing Staind makes you sound like a badass. Same goes with any Linkin Park or Fuel song.

Hound Dog by Elvis. Most Elvis songs for that matter. Jailhouse Rock, etc… Just be careful swinging the hips into the shower walls.

Anything by Eminem or Tupac or Biggie or any other rapper. Just because when you screw up every 4th word, you won’t embarrass yourself in front of others. And because cursing is cool in the shower. Makes you feel like a bad ass even if your flabby, untoned body is flailing away everywhere (ok…ok…unnecessary visual – but when have I NOT been one to cross the line with inappropriate comments??)

You should be dancin’ by the Bee Gees. Half for the falsetto voice you need to maintain that sounds smooth in the shower; half because shakin your tailfeather helps you get cleaner.

Do you believe in magic by the Lovin Spoonful. Especially after you caught American Pie last night on cable and Ostriker singing the song in choir practice got stuck in your head.

Light My Fire by the Doors. Great song to get pumped up to for a big night out. Or if you want to burn off all of your chest hair.

Feel like makin love by Bad Company… Another perfect “pregame” song… Or if you have a hot date with the blow up doll you just bought.

Zombie by the Cranberries… Who can resist singing the chorus as loud as you can… “In your heaaaad. In your heeead. Zom bay Zom bay Zom bay bay bay….”

Mr. Jones by Counting Crows. Only because the words are etched in your head from a hazy, pot smoking evening in college. Same goes with Weezer’s Buddy Holly, Champagne Supernova by Oasis and Jeremy by Pearl Jam.

Anything by Ashlee Simpson. Because I mean, this is just too easy. All you have to do is turn on the radio to any song and start singing the lyrics to another song. And then when you realized you fucked up, you can start doing a jig. But seriously, I feel for you Ashlee. I too had the G.E.R.D. And it isn’t pretty.

Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana. Only because you’re the only one who won’t think you sound like Weird Al Yankovic trying to sing the chorus.

Caribbean Queen by Billy Ocean… Although all you probably know is the two lines in the chorus… So you just sing those over and over again. “Caribbean Queen. Now we’re sharing the same dream. Two hearts that beat like one. No more love on the run.” Awesome. Just awesome. God bless Billy Ocean. Plus it’s an endless debate on how to pronounce Caribbean. Is it Ca- rib- e -in or Carri –be- in? Some mysteries just never go explained.

I’m sure there’s tons of other fun ones….but that’s where your comments come in. Have fun with this one. Post your comments and I’ll add them to the list.