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My Big Fat Greek New Year’s January 4, 2008

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in dancing, eating, food, funny, humor, new york city, pedestrian behavior, photos, pictures, restaurant, video.
7 comments

Firstly happy New Year’s too all! Hope the holiday season treated you all well.

My New Year’s Eve was very entertaining. The night started with some drinks and appetizers and led to a restaurant in Astoria (which I hold off from mentioning in case they decide to send us a bill). Let’s just say (without naming names) that three out of the six of us got a little sick (not me) in the restaurant bathroom, leading two out of the six to leave the restaurant shortly after appetizers arrived.

Anyway, sparing you all of the sickly details, the rest of the evening was actually pretty entertaining, despite the fact that we knew no one else in the restaurant and apparently everyone else there knew each other or knew the waitresses and owners. So it basically felt like we were crashing someone’s wedding, especially since most patrons were dressed in suits and dresses (and we were their white trash cousins dressed in sweaters and jeans). There was live music with an acoustic guitar duo singing traditional Greek folk songs and eventually some of the restaurant patrons started dancing to said traditional Greek folk songs which led to more Greek traditions. But before I get into that let me just rave about the food for a moment.

The food was exceptional and arrived in droves. A greek salad arrived alongside shrimp that was placed in a phyllo pastry puff, a plate of grilled sausage and marinated meatballs. Unfortunately it was already 10:30pm by the time apps had arrived and we wouldn’t see our main courses until well after midnight.

Like 45 minutes after midnight.

However despite our stomachs on revolt and the novelty of making noise with party favors wore off, the main courses didn’t disappoint. We were treated to lamb, shrimp and steak. Being that this was authentic greek, I went straight for the lamb which was tender and juicy. Forgoing knife and fork, I grabbed said chop in my grubby paws and went to town (my apologies for the shitty pics my camera phone took).


Lamb


Steak

Shortly after stuffing our face with meaty goodness out came the dessert. Needless to say I was all over the baklava.

During dinner and dessert is when the dancing started. It was entertaining watching everyone dance around in circles, with their arms held high snapping their fingers.

But then the most unexpected thing happened (which I later found out was another Greek tradition). Some of the men in the restaurant started making it rain (the clip above and the two below are videos – click to play).


I found out that throwing money around is a way to garner wealth and prosperity in the coming year.

Granted these guys were only throwing wads of singles in the air, but by the time we were ready to leave there had to be a few hundred dollars worth of singles on the floor.

Crazy times. Those greeks know how to party!

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How Nice of Her!!! December 7, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in humor, sarcasm.
23 comments

So got this email in my Inbox this morning.

—-
Date: Fri, 07 Dec 2007 08:31:30 +0000 (GMT)
From: KTFlynn@san.rr.com
Subject: I wish you well

Dear Friend,

My name is Mrs. Felicia Adam Swanson I am a dying woman who have
decided to donate what I have to you/ church. I am 59 years old and I
was diagnosed for cancer for about 2 years ago.I have been touched by
God to donate from what I have inherited from my late husband to you
for the good work of God. I have asked God to forgive me and believe
he has because He is a merciful God.I will be going in for an
operation later today.I decided to WILL/donate the sum of (five.five
million dollars.)to you for the good work of the lord,and also to help
the motherless and less privilege and also for the assistance of the
widows. At the moment I cannot take any telephone calls right now due
to the fact that my relatives (They had squandered the funds i gave
them for this purpose before)are around me and my health status.

I have adjusted my WILL and my lawyer is aware.I wish you all the best
and may the good Lord bless you abundantly, and please use the funds
well and always extend the good work to others.Contact my lawyer with
this : Name: Barrister William Francis. Tel:+447011132753
williamfrancis_chambers@yahoo.it

Tell him that I have WILLED(US$5.5M) to you by quoting my personal
reference number Jl/Wds/953/5015/GwrI/316 us/uk and I have also
notified him that I am WILLING that amount to you for a good work.I
know I dont know you but I have been directed to do this.Thanks and
God Bless.

Regards,
Felicia Adam Swanson
—-

I mean how sweet is she???? She donated $5.5 million dollars to me/it/my church! I’m so eternally grateful I’m about to cry. I mean I know she said she doesn’t know me but she has been “directed to do this” by God. Maybe my wish of hitting the lotto has finally come true!!!

I’m going to email Barrister William Francis right away with all of my banking information and my social security number so he can deposit the $5.5 million to me! Needless to say I’ll share my new found riches with all of my faithful readers out there!

So in turn, if you’d like to receive some of my riches, please email me or reply to this post with your Name, Address, Banking Information, Social Security Number, Date of Birth, Maiden Name, Occupation, Name of your first born or unborn child, your pants size, Eye Color, Hair Color, Toenail length, Name of your pet, Your preferred Underwear brand, The number of teeth in your mouth, and most importantly all of your credit card numbers, expiration dates and three digit ID # on the back of your credit card.

Once you send me all of that information, I’ll be sure to directly deposit a lump sum of no less than $1,000 to your accounts!

I know…how kind of me. But I’m just sharing the wealth, just like Felicia Adam Swanson shared her wealth with me!

Make it rain bitch…make it rain!

Pizza Pizza December 6, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in bathroom humor, critique, current events, funny, humor, opinion, video.
8 comments

So our friends at the ACLU (that would be the Ass Clowns Leaveusthefuckalone Union) are at it again. This time they’ve produced a very tongue-in-cheek example of what ordering pizza could be like in the year 2010. (click link or image to play)

Basically the guy calls up his local pizzeria, the Pizza Palace, and they have his whole history on file, including his health conditions (among them impotence – very funny ACLU) and a warning from his insurance provider that the Double Meat Special pizza he wants is bad for him and thus he’ll have to pay an extra “Health Surcharge” for his pies.

Now while this is meant to be nothing more than a “holy shit, let’s stop this from happening now” fluff piece from our favorite Asshole Cleaning Lickers Union, it could very well happen in the not so distant future. Especially if that whole “GoogleZon” idea ever comes to fruition.

But for now, take heart that invasion of privacy such like this is probably way down the road. So don’t listen to what the “We do more harm in the world than good” cocksuckers have to say.

In fact we should concentrate on more important things than trying to find “civil liberties” for humankind. Like, for example, eliminating the sounds of farts in public. Now THAT’S something we can all get ‘behind’ right?

Well now we can. All we need to do is purchase some Toot Tones and all of our pesky fart noises would turn into cheerful, harmless cell phone rings!

Now all we need to do is find a way to turn our ‘gas emissions’ into some sort of usable environmentally friendly substance that could fuel our automobiles. Now that would be extemely practicable! Just think, when you can say “I have enough gas in me to get me to Pittsburgh”, you could really mean it!

Grimgrinch Rascalton December 5, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in humor.
25 comments

So I was passed along an email yesterday to “find my grinch” name.

Normally I don’t play along but this was actually pretty fun, in an office humor dorky sorta way (click on the image to launch the page).

If you use my full name, Christopher, my grinch name becomes: Meanmonkey Rascalton.

Nice…i always wanted to be a Mean Monkey. Actually I had auditioned for a mean monkey part in Family Guy, but got beaten out by the much more sinister looking Evil Monkey.

Anyway, thought it would be fun for everyone to share their Grinch name. Sort of like a bonding experience to pull together the WPMB audience this holiday season.

So please reply to this post with a comment stating your Grinch name!

Btw…happy Hannukah to all of our Jewish friends out there.

Attention Holiday Shoppers November 29, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in humor, opinion, pedestrian behavior, photos, pictures, sarcasm.
9 comments

Consumers: Be aware of pickpocketers this holiday season.

Employers: Be aware of employees this holiday season.

Funny how I was walking behind this guy the other day with this Loss Prevention jacket and a shopping bag. I mean, call it irony right? Of course I’m sure he was just taking home some merchandise he purchased at the store. But hey, you never know right? But why would he wear that jacket out on the street like that?

Personally I know no one will fuck with my shit this holiday season or in general.

Why?

I have a nice grizzly watching over my stuff:

Try stealing my stapler now bitch. Have a bear bite your hand off. See how that feels.

I’m from Hollywood…Florida??? November 14, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in animals, asshole of the day, critique, current events, funny, humor, new york city, opinion, pedestrian behavior, sarcasm, stupidity.
10 comments

So probably 0.0000001% of you saw this today (well yesterday by the time this post goes up in WordPress land), but thousands of cranky NYC commuters did. On page 6 of AM New York (too bad it wasn’t the “other page six”) I was quoted in the “Sound Off” area of the paper.

My quote was my response to the feeding the pigeon ban fiasco as reported here on Monday. I was engaged in a heated debate on the AM New York site about the ban and seemed to be the only one in favor of it.

In the message board I was called “an animal hater” and basically told to go to hell by some pigeon fucking assholes.

But nonetheless, in plain print was my opinion on the matter:

If you want to see the paper in its entirety you can view it here: http://www.amny.com/media/acrobat/2007-11/23136028.pdf

Now, I’m definitely honored that they would select my quote to appear in the newspaper. I haven’t been quoted in a newspaper since my college days, and that’s when I was quoted as saying Marv Albert was my role model just a few days before he was found biting prostitutes in the back. So this ink was decidely much more positive.

Actually my full quote on the site was: “I wholeheartedly agree with the ban. If you grew up in any part of the city you know that by and large pigeons are for the most part pests. Their shit literally rots away our bridges and buildings. They don’t contribute anything to the city. They’re not pretty and “bird watchable” by any means. Anyone feeding a pigeon should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Perhaps their punishment should be having a gang of pigeons shitting in their house for a week and we’ll see how they like it.”

So AM New York did some censorship on my behalf. But whatever. These days you can’t even print the word shit without the Federal Cocksucking Commission coming down on you. But to see what the discussion forum was where they grabbed my quote, you can view it here: http://www.topix.net/forum/source/am-new-york/TPG285OEGMQ7RGO4F.

It’s definitely worth a laugh seeing how stupid these pigeon fuckers are. Especially this douchebag Adam quoted besides me in the paper. Does his quote even make sense? Seriously. “Does anyone even know the price of gas? Anyone know what the implications are?”. What the fuck does that have to do with eliminating pigeon shit asshole? Way to make a complete asshole out of yourself. If this was a debate I would have wiped the floor with him.

Anyway, what pissed me off was the quote said I lived in Hollywood, Florida. I mean I’m not knocking Hollywood, FL. I’m sure it’s a lovely community of dinosaurs and retired Jews from up north.

I mean, it’s on the ocean. It has its own government. And its welcome sign is a lot nicer than that shitty sign that greets you out in the “other Hollywood”:

You sit there and tell me that sign is not nicer than this piece of shit:

I rest my case.

But still, it was a little bizarre to see someone quoted on a NYC pigeon shitting problem from Hollywood, FL. I just about lost all my street cred with that one.

Thanks alot AM New York.

Ain’t no bagel worth no $1,000 November 8, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in common sense, critique, current events, eating, food, humor, new york city, opinion, stupidity, world news.
31 comments

Na ah. A bagel worth one large? Fuggetaboutit.

But it’s the truth son.

Some fancy pants chef created this so called “$1,000 bagel” using white truffle cream cheese and goji berry infused Riesling jelly with golden leaves. Say what?

The bagel is the brainchild of chef Frank Tujague of The Westin New York hotel. Apparently proceeds from the bagel go to some foundation for aspiring chefs. But regardless could you imagine just asking for a bagel and cream cheese and having to whip out 10 benjamins to pay for it? Grandma Ruthie would have a heart attack. I mean a bagel with lox these days is expensive enough!

But, $1,000 for a bagel is just a drop in the bucket compared to this $25,000 hot chocolate!

Apparently this hot chocolate served at Seredipity (where else) called a “Frrozen Haute Chocolate,” is a mixture of 28 types of cocoas, 14 which apparently are the “most expensive and exotic from around the globe”. I’m sorry, but I didn’t realize there were more exotic brands of hot chocolate than Ghirardelli. Fuck, I don’t think I get much more fancy than the 60 pack of Swiss Miss.

If that’s not enough, the dessert is “infused with 5 grams (0.2 ounces) of edible 23-karat gold and served in a goblet lined with edible gold. At the base of the goblet is an 18-karat gold bracelet with 1 carat of white diamonds. The sundae is topped with whipped cream covered with more gold and a side of La Madeline au Truffle from Knipschildt Chocolatier, which sells for $2,600 a pound.”

Oh and to top it off, “it is eaten with a gold spoon decorated with white and chocolate-colored diamonds, which can also be taken home.”

What the fuck. That shit better give you an instant orgasm in your pants and better get you laid all night…especially after paying $25k for that shit! You know how many women you can get at one time with $25k??? (Wait before you answer that, I forgot that’s not even a drop in the bucket apparently at Scores, where that poor bastard ran up a $250,000 tab a few years back). How the fuck did he do that again?

And I’m sorry…if I’m buying my significant other a bracelet with 1 carat of white diamonds, I sure as hell ain’t covering that shit in any chocolate or whipped cream. Talk about devalueing a piece of jewelry. Do that with a piece of shit piece of jewelry you buy at the mall or at Spencer’s Gifts that ain’t cost more than $1.

Ridiculous. Really. There’s millions of starving people out there, and assholes are buying desserts and bagels for thousands of dollars. No wonder why so many people hate Americans.

The votes are in… November 8, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in current events, humor, politics, sarcasm.
17 comments

And there’s a new presidential candidate in town.

Fresh off Stephen Colbert withdrawing his nomination in the state of South Carolina for a possible presidential run, another candidate has filled his void.

This candidate is full of anger and hate but is a great debater and would instill fear into all who opposed him.

That candidate is none other than Angry Bear!

The Angry Bear has already been hitting the campaign trails with full force. His popularity, spurred by his appearance in the Borat movie, is growing by the day.

Although he’ll need to act quickly to get all the support he can before he hibernates for the winter.

And he’ll need to shed that grizzlied exterior too in favor of a softer look. Perhaps he can take a cue from Johnny Damon:

An appearance on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy wouldn’t hurt either 😉

Story from today’s youth November 3, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in humor, new york city, video.
5 comments

So couldn’t resist putting this up real quick. I found this paper on the street outside a public school in East Harlem.

It’s a story written by a 4th grader entitled:

When I fell off the slied

“One day on a monday I did go to school becauses my sister alway wake me up when it time for school But she didn’t this time. My Mom was mad at me becaues I didn’t go to school and learn what we was learning today then I ask my mom can I go outside and she said we all going outside. Then when we got outside to the park aross the street when me and my mom when in the park then I saw my friends Then I started to play tag then I tryed to Jump over the slied then all I saw was my face on the floor then I went to my mom an ask her do I have stuff on my nose and she siad nothen my mom said be careful and I said ok then I finish playing. Then we went upstairs then I went to school on tuesday.”

Congrats young student…you have broken the record for most uses of the word then in a story.

I can’t believe how poorly this is written. Then again I guess it shouldn’t surprise me. I mean that’s the way their parents and family speak so it’s not like they’re learning proper grammar in their households.

It’s a shame really. Today’s teachers have a tough job educating our youth…and I have nothing but respect for them. Cause if a student gave me this story, I’d be like Boo, you out yo goddamned mind ain’t no one write a story about no fallin off no slide then tell everyone that their momma told her that their ain’t nothin on her nose and shit, fool…

Anyway, on a more inspirational note, here’s a short video of a remarkable young man who is trying to finish 50 marathons. Jay Pisano has cerebal palsy and races backwards in a wheelchair. Jay is running the NYC Marathon on Sunday and hopefully anyone in the city will get the chance to root this young man on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJOh-3gIkzs

WTF??? Is right!!! October 26, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in bathroom humor, food, funny, humor, video, weird.
53 comments

Umm…so…once again Ration Reality will be supplying the video fun for this Friday (mainly because I have to jet to the airport in an hour for a flight to Austin….Texas…not Massachussetts). That and I laughed pretty much an hour straight after watching them so it unfortunately sapped all of the humor from me. Thanks alot guys.

Today’s video installment comes courtesy of our neighbors from the north, who apparently have raised the bar for commercials which blatently cross the line between…well let’s just say these commercials would never fly in the good ole prudish U S of A.

The series of commercials are for convenience store beverages from a chain store called Mac’s. They are branding this drink called WTF which is supposed to be short for What’s the Flavour? But clearly the WTF is not purely coincidence, considering they also have a slogan that was OMFG which stands for Oh My Froster’s Gone.

I must say nicely done by the Canadians. Way to take advantage of this acronym language society we’ve become over the years. Before I give away too much of the plot, here are some snapshots from the commercials:


Two girls getting a giant tree of liquid “off”


A girl licking a “berry flavored” zit


A man giving birth to an egg filled with juice


A bloody attack that rivals Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding

And finally my favorite…


A robot who fucks a pommelhorse to produce juice

You can go here to view these video clips in all their glory.

I mean…talk about some fucked up marketing approaches! Could you imagine 7-11 going this route for promoting their Slurpies? Or maybe the next reincarnation of Slush Puppies for ‘adults’ where a girl is ‘redrocketing’ a puppie to produce the flavors for the slush puppie?


Slush Puppies new marketing campaign could be entitled “LOL” – short for Lick our liquids.

I mean the possibilities are endless! Although I wouldn’t be surprised if somewhere Sonic is producing a whole line of drinks labeled LMAO or some other acronym that is overly used this days.

Anyway, I’m off to Austin for faithful reader Rich’s bachelor party. Assuming my liver doesn’t explode I’ll be back for more fun on Monday. Enjoy your weekend!