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What’s this world coming to? October 25, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in bathroom humor, common sense, critique, current events, fashion, humor, nostaglia, opinion, pedestrian behavior, random references, sarcasm, world news.
35 comments

Seriously…first we find out that some neanderthals used to be gingers!

It that wasn’t bad enough, now we find out that kids are being bullied in middle school for wearing certain fashion labels.

Good thing these meddling middle schoolers didn’t get a hold of me in college. All I wore were windpants and sweats and crummy t-shirts. I would’ve gotten called names, like “frumpy-ass” or “not dressed so well kid” or stuff like that. That would have been too much to handle for my psyche.

I mean what the fuck is up with these kids anyway. You can blame the fashion designers for targeting youth. When I was a child I don’t ever remember kids caring if you wore Levi’s vs. Jordache. Back then a Sergio Tacchini track suit was considered fashionable as was a pair of Z. Cavaricci’s.

Actually back in Junior High School I think all I wore were Skidz.

I don’t remember any kid calling me “Skidmark” or making fun of the hideous plaid design I wore on a nearly daily basis.

But regardless, these youth have way too much pressure on them these days. They have to look the part, act the part and be the part. If not, they’re social outcasts and basically are resigned to a life full of name calling and asskickings. Not that that wasn’t prevelant in my youth, but I don’t think the pressure is on youth as much as it is today to look good and act cool.

Anyway, it’s fuckin freezing in here today. It figures they fix the airconditioning once the temperature drops into the 60s. Great work building management. My fuckin nipples have cut through my polo shirt already.


Random picture of ‘erect’ nipple

Actually they’re the one typing this blog as we speak. Although the left nipple is having a tough time with the shift key. I guess I lack the opposable areola that is needed to type correctly.

Ok…on another note that’s far more disturbing, get a load of this:


Male with very severe gynecomastia

E-fucking-gads man! Dude…if you’re a man, at least cut your hair (your head hair not your chest hair). I don’t care if you have that gynowhatever…if you’re gonna have breasts at least pretty up the area around them. How the fuck is someone supposed to motorboat that? Seriously! And forget ever getting a job at Utah Flapjacks!

(ok…i think the nipples have done enough typing for the day)

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Friday Fashion Lesson October 19, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in fashion, travel.
17 comments

I reckon y’all need a fashion lesson this Friday courtesy of my friends down in Fort Worth.

First, start with your favorite pair of boots:

Then grab your favorite cowboy hat:

Don your preferred leather jacket:

And you’re ready to hit the town running:

That’s how we roll down at the Stockyards y’all.

Googlezon October 12, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in asshole of the day, common sense, critique, current events, fashion, new york city, opinion, pedestrian behavior, stupidity, video, world news.
11 comments

Sorry guys, been a crazy work day today. That and I’m off to Dallas for the weekend to watch my beloved Cowboys try to hang in there vs the Patriots.

But some “quickies” to share before I depart (and not of the sexual kind unfortunately).

First, on the train this morning I’m standing against the door. I’m wearing a green t-shirt and off-white cargo shorts (yes shorts…it’s still in the 50s/60s which is still shorts weather in my book. Keep looking at me like I’m a freak there assholes). Anyway this blond chick gets on the subways wearing the same color combination as me! She’s wearing a similarly colored green top and white pants! Not only that but the bitch has the audacity to stand right next to me! Unreal.

So now we’re standing there like two dofusses dressed alike.

THANK GOD she got off in just two stops. I mean really…who the fuck wears white pants after labor day? Com’on now!

Speaking of unreal and outfits. This lady sitting across from me on the train the other night had on one of those straw hats.

Everytime she moved her head, she’d poke one of the straws into the guy or the lady sitting next to her. They were getting so pissed. Who the fuck wears a hat like that on the subway (well unless you want space of course). I was trying not to laugh so I just calmly whipped it out and took a picture.

If I were sitting next to her though I probably wouldn’t have been laughing. Nothing like getting poked in the eye with some straw to start your evening commute home!

Anyway saw an article today that General Electric is looking to part ways with NBC. According to the article in MediaPost Publications by Wayne Friedman, “GE will consider an NBC sale after the network airs the Beijing Olympics next year…
Who would buy? Surely the usual suspects, like Time Warner, have been bandied about, since it’s a large media company without a full-fledged broadcast network — just one-half of one, the CW. Previously, Time Warner wholly owned the WB. But consider other bigger, perhaps more unusual players. There’s Google, Microsoft, Facebook, or some other new contraption of a media company looking to put a new spin on an old — but still promising — entertainment platform. This would make sense. While those new Internet/tech companies always get the buzz, they really aren’t ready to delve into the tricky world of TV program – or content — development. Yahoo tried to go that route and didn’t get very far. Even for a company like Google, which seems to grow larger and larger by promising advertising networks and marketing solutions to smaller and smaller companies, NBC – or for that matter any network — is still an attractive option because those old entertainment companies can still get big mass audiences with one hit show.”

Now this is exactly what I’ve been telling anyone who listens to the shit that pours out of my mouth. Google is looking to take over the world.

If you haven’t seen this video piece from the Center of Media Research you should. It talks about Google merging with Amazon to create “GoogleZon” which would basically control all the custom content you read and receive. It also talks about the New York Times eventually trying to sue Google and losing, leaving Google as the only powerhouse left in the media world.

Click here to view the video.

It may not be all true…but definitely interesting, especially given Google’s desire to snap up everything in it’s power.

Enjoy your weekend everyone.

GO COWBOYS! You can do it!

Wear it loud…wear it proud! October 11, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in animals, baseball, brooklyn, fashion, humor, nintendo, nostaglia, opinion, random references, sports, video games.
20 comments

There’s a shirt I’ve been looking for recently after watching a documentary on the Brooklyn Dodgers. It’s an old “Keep the Dodgers in Brooklyn” shirt. It had the Dodgers logo and was given to fans back in the 50s as a rallying cry to keep the Dodgers from moving from Brooklyn to L.A.

John found a replica of the shirt from this company called No Mas.

While it wasn’t the shirt I was looking for, it is based on an authentic shirt that fans used to wear back then:

Their website had a ton of other really random, cool t-shirts.

Here’s a few of them I personally love:

The Amazing Mess

Even though the shirt is referring to the 86 Mets, I think it’s quite appropriate given this year’s collapse!

Tecmo Bo

Who can forget Tecmo Bo and he unstoppable hijinks in Tecmo Bowl! If you need a reminder on how good Bo was in Tecmo Bowl, here’s a reminder for you (click to play).

Rated Rookie

Donruss’ Rated Rookie cards were a hot commodity back in the days. I know I jumped for joy when I found a McGwire rated rookie in a pack of Donruss.

For those who don’t remember what the cards looked like, here’s an example:

Btw, is it just me or does Greg Maddux look strikingly (get it – he’s a pitcher – strikingly – I’m a fuckin genius!) like Pedro in that picture?

Strawberry

Love the sarcasm of the whole “say no to drugs” and Strawberry angle. If only the picture had him AND Doc Gooden leaning against a “Coke” vending machine. Now that would be classic!

Although I think this picture would more exemplify a “Say No to Drugs” campaign!

And to think all three of those guys were the biggest stars in the heydays. How the mighty fall sometimes. Speaking of the mighty falling…received this candid picture of Jay Squirrel, Keywork’s opponent in the presidential race.

“Fantasy” Weekend August 21, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in celebrities, current events, eating, fashion, food, football, new york city, television.
22 comments

When you think “fantasy weekend” you probably don’t envision 12 guys in a room drinking beer, talking football, with a newborn and a greyhound (unless maybe you’re Britney Spears). But when it’s fantasy football season, there’s no time for females or lounging at the beach. There’s some pride on the line and some drafting to be done! Well, this past weekend was my annual fantasy football draft. I’m proud to say our league has been in existance for 15 years and I think I’ve been a part of it for the last 9. The best part about our league is that we try to be together in person for the draft. Obviously getting everyone in the same room year after year is difficult, especially with people living all over the country, but that’s what makes our league special.

Anyway, not to bore you with all of the fantasy football details (if you want to know my team feel free to post a comment) but one of the highlights is always the food. We’ve come a long way since our inception, and at recent drafts you could find lobster, freshly caught steamed quahog, Vietnamese Tiger Shrimp (the biggest shrimp you’ve ever seen!), homemade chili and other tasty treats (both homemade and store bought).

For this year I was able to bust out some boneless buffalo chicken strips using my newly updated recipe. I bake my famous “buffalo wings” instead of frying them and make a “special sauce” which has become famous over the years at Super Bowl parties and other gatherings. I’ve started to substitute chicken wings for skinless, boneless chicken breast that I carve up into bite size portions and bake away. The result is a nice tender and tasty buffalo chicken piece that’s for the most part healthy for you (minus the sodium in the buffalo wing sauce).


My buffalo style chicken (right) accompanied by Pigs in a Blanket and Jalepeno Poppers

Along with my buffalo style chicken we feasted on Connell’s chili, pizza, homemade Hummus, brownies, and Ian’s extra large, butterflied grilled tiger shrimp (of which I ate about 20 of – hence no pictures).


Connell’s chili


Pizza and homemade hummus

So the food this year was a success, even if we didn’t have freshly caught clams and steamed lobster. But maybe we’ll make up for it next year!

Anyway, I had another “fantasy” experience last night when I was invited to a swank party thrown by Meow Mix. Now when you think Meow Mix you don’t think party (unless there’s some catnip thrown in!) but the party was a “Meow Mix Acatemy Back to School party”.

The party was thrown in a converted space on Union Square East and 15th street. There were limos in the front and cameras everywhere and immediately I thought I wouldn’t be let in with my khakis and untucked polo shirt. But since I “was on the list” I was let in.

Immediately after I walked through the front doors it was like a stepped on stage of a model shoot. To my left was a photo area where singer Kat DeLuna was holding some cats and posing for pictures. On my right was an area to purchase Meow Mix “attire” including t-shirts and handbags. Further into the room were two side rooms with more photo areas, including a life-size kitty play area where another model was taking pictures. The room then opened up into a bar and food area, with a stage and areas to “catnap” and stretch.

Since the party was cat themed, invited guests were (besides Kat DeLuna): Iron Chef Cat Cora, “Big Pussy” from the Sopranos, CariDee (winner of America’s Next Top Model) and Rachel Hunter. Not sure what Rachel Hunter had to do with cats, but regardless she was there (although I didn’t even recognize her, nor did I recognize any celebrities for that matter). All I know was that there were LOTS of tall women there (presumably all models) and lots of yummy food (and a large sampling of Meow Mix Salmon treats for your cats there for the taking). I had joked with some guests that they should serve up the cat treats on little crackers just to see if people would’ve noticed the difference (they probably wouldn’t have). But all in all for the little I was there it was a good time (how can you not enjoy watching models prance around a small room trying to “one-up” each other).

Here are some published pics from last night:

Apparently the “Meow Mix Acatemy” is here to stay for a while too. So may be something to check out if you’re a cat lover. Although hopefully the geniuses behind ICanHazCheezburger won’t go and fuck it up for cat lovers.

My own empire August 15, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in celebrities, critique, fashion, sex, travel.
13 comments

A few months back ESR-W came back from a trip to Europe with a tearout of a magazine. The tearout was of a fragrance entitled: Jette by Night

I laughed of course being that’s my last name and kept it aside for a keepsake.

Well more recently I saw another ad for Jette by Night, but this time for a shower and body gel!

So I decided to look up the product. Lo and behold the product is a huge sensation throughout Europe! No way! Not only is it a fragrance, body and shower gel, but there’s also jewelry, clothing, footwear, eyewear and even skates! Crazy!

I found out the designer is a lady named Jette Joop so she named all of her product line after herself (although secretly I think she named the products after me!). In fact, the designer is so popular she throws huge bashes when a new product line is launched!

It’s crazy. And since it’s a European based company they definitely use sex to sell “my product”. Take a look at these hot ‘adverts’:

I’m thrilled my product is all about the high fashion. Especially the roller skates.


My skates are off the hook!

Obviously it’s all one big coincidence that the product line is named after me. But regardless it seems like this “imposture” is making quite a living off using my name. Maybe I’ll have to consult my attorneys to get some royalties. I mean she’s gotta be raking in millions!

So Ms. Joop or Ms. Jette…or whatever you go by, just remember, as Brooke Astor said: “Money is like manure, it should be spread around.”

Some Like It Hot… August 8, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in current events, eating, fashion, food, funny, lunch, music, new york city, nostaglia, politics, random references, subways.
16 comments

I like it not.

Seriously…it’s a wicked scorcher out there (as my friends from Beantown would say). This morning’s commute was ridiculous as none of the subways were running and the lines for the buses stretched longer than most lines for American Idol auditions. So being a crafty Harlemite, I walked my way up to the Metro North stop at 125th and hopped on a train coming downtown. Not only was it nice and airconditioned, I didn’t have to pay a dime. Although after walking 20 blocks to the Metro North in the swamp that they called air this morning, and after walking another 10 blocks to my office after the train ride, my shirt had stretched out beyond all belief. It looks more like a nightgown rather than a cotton polo shirt. Hence why lunch was eaten at my desk today courtesy of some leftover wonton shop, a peanut butter balance bar I got for free in a promotion yesterday and one of those pre-cooked and breaded Purdue Chicken Cutlets – eaten cold right out of the packaging.

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No need to heat these bad boys, just peel the plastic and eat!

Needless to say I’m less than satisfied…although I really don’t feel like venturing out into the heat at the moment. The country is baking right now…in fact just looked at the current weather map and there’s more red on the map than in Reagan’s 1984 presidential win over Mondale.


This might as well be the current weather map for the U.S.

Although I did manage to crack myself up earlier. After the pools of sweat were beginning to bead up on my arms, I started singing “Some Like it Hot” to myself. You know, that song by Power Station (later sung by Robert Palmer) back in the 80s.

Sing along with me now:

Some like it hot and some sweat when the heat is on…
Some feel the heat and decide that they can’t go on…
Some like it hot, but you can’t tell how hot ’til you try…
Some like it hot, so let’s turn up the heat ’til we fry

Feeeeeeeeeeel the heat.
Pushing you to decide (is that what they really said? huh, never knew that)

Feeeeeeeeel the heat.
Burning you up, ready or not.

Excuse me sir… July 26, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in critique, fashion, opinion.
16 comments

I think your pants are falling off your ass.

What? They’re meant to be that way? Well I’ll be damned. Kids these days and their wacky fashions.

Speaking of wacky fashion…what’s the deal with gladiator sandals? Seriously.

I mean the pair above costs $1,200! All for what? Unless you’re starring in the next sequel of Gladiator or vacationing in Rome during the time of the Roman Empire, I see no reason why this should be in style. Let alone paying over a grand for them. What’s the difference between that shoe and sticking your foot in a slinky?

Sticking your foot in a slinky would be a lot more affordable and just as stylish. Maybe it’s just me…but paying over $1,000 for some cheap metal wrapped around your leg isn’t that appealing. I mean Lindsay Lohan had some pretty mean metal wrapped around her ankle and look where it got her: a one way ticket to federal “pound me in the ass” prison. Maybe the female visitors to this blog could enlighten me a bit on this current fashion trend?

Just a dab of butter June 27, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in bathroom humor, critique, eating, fashion, food, funny, humor, lunch, new york city, opinion, video.
12 comments

Before I get into today’s “slippery slope”, gotta comment about Burger King real quick. I haven’t been there in a while but saw a few people walking around with these black bags around 5th ave and 33rd. Then I remembered that Burger King was having Sean Combs (Puffy) redesign their bags. That and Whopper Jr.’s are only a $1 right now! Even in Manhattan! Crazy. So that was enough reason for me to enter and leave with said black bag containing a Whopper Jr, onion rings and a pink lemonade.

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I felt this coolness walking down the street with my BK in tow. Wasn’t your typical white plastic bag. Nor your easily identifyable white logoed Wendy’s or McDonald’s bag. Nope. This bag is black. Cool. Hip. Everything about it says coolness, complete with the tempting food collage on the outside. Even if the contents of the bag are enough to clog your arteries for a few hours, I can happily say that for once I felt like the BK bag was sufficent enough to act as a fashion accessory. If I was only rockin some aviator sunglasses I would have been the epitomy of off da hook.

Ok…not really. But the bag is fuckin cool, ok? And $1 Whopper Jr.’s? You need any more incentive to check out the BK these days? I think not.

Anyhoo…onto today topic of butter. Butter has a fondness in my heart thanks to Julia Child and her “just add a stick of butter to any dish” routine that just gets me everytime. Well Julia had a sense of humor in her day, so she certainly would appreciate this video in which a guy gets revenge at his annoying roommate thanks to some well placed butter (thanks to Laurie Kendrick for posting the video that made me laugh over and over again yesterday). Click the pic to view the video.

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I love at the end of the video when the roommate is like: “You fucking asshole…I’m gonna kill you!”. Good stuff. If only we knew about that in college we could have had some fun with that one!

What a “Pant”-load! June 18, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in asshole of the day, common sense, critique, current events, fashion, funny, humor, opinion, pedestrian behavior, stupidity, television, world news.
14 comments

Chalk this one up to the ole Jay Leno “Have you seen this? Have you heard about this?”. It seems that a judge in Washington D.C. is suing a dry cleaners for losing a pair of his pants.

The suit is for $54 million dollars!

Yes…a judge is suing a dry cleaners for $54 million. You read that right.

The $54 million breaks down as follows:

The judge believes he is entitled to $1,500 for each day during which the “Satisfaction Guaranteed” sign and another sign promising “Same Day Service” was up in the store — more than 1,200 days since he’s had his prized pants (he’s also multiplying each violation by three because he’s suing the husband and wife owners and their son.)

He also wants $500,000 in emotional damages and $542,500 in legal fees, even though he is representing himself in court.

He wants $15,000 for 10 years’ worth of weekend car rentals as well, so he can transport his dry cleaning to another store.

All for a pair of pants that the dry cleaners say were found and they tried to return to him, but they were denied.

The judge is suing on the grounds that he has had “mental suffering, inconvenience and discomfort” since he couldn’t wear his favorite pair of pants on his first day on the job.

Apparently the judge was also banned from these same dry cleaners just a few years prior after he had another problem with a lost pair of pants. And he begged them to reallow him to be a customer since the judge doesn’t drive and these are the most convenient dry cleaners for him.

Anyway the case has been in trial for the past week or so. The judge, acting as his own lawyer, called 60+ witnesses to the stand to testify against the dry cleaners in question. You can read some of the testimony and response to the story on: http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/

How this guy is able to practice law is beyond me. Just shows you what a fuckin farse our legal system is when assholes like this are able to get appointed. I hope the judge decides that he owes the dry cleaners $54 million…just for being an asshole.

Actually his punishment should be he has to hand wash all of the clothing in the dry cleaners for a year. That would teach him to sue.