jump to navigation

Big Pimpin’ October 22, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in bathroom humor, celebrities, current events, funny, humor, opinion, pedestrian behavior, prostitutes, random references, sarcasm, television, weird, world news.
26 comments

So got a bit of a shocker just a while ago from John.

Our beloved James Lipton, host of the venerable Inside the Actors Studio, was apparently a pimp earlier in his career.

Now, watching him on TV he is very calculating and reserved. Not qualities you would expect from a pimp.

Actually the news was suprising to all, especially Tony Soprano himself. James Gandolfini was unofficially quoted saying during a taping of Inside the Actors Studio: “If I knew he waz a pimp, I woulda cast him in da show. Capice?”.

I love the quote from Lipton: “We were earning our living together, this young woman and I, we made a rather good living, I must say.”

What they didn’t tell you was he followed that with a hearty laugh and a “Well played Mr. Lipton”.

I wonder if he had index cards for all of the prostitutes he pimped out and interviewed?

Imagine the scene.

Faux Inside the Actors Studio (a cheap run down flat outside of Paris). Dark room, lit by only one lightbulb hanging precariously from the ceiling. Mr. Lipton in a big leather chair sitting across from a young prostitute. Mr. Lipton looks at his index card, takes a puff of a pipe, and glances up, admiring said prostitute.

After a long awkward pause, Mr Lipton says: “If your vagina could be an animal what animal would it be?”

The prostitute hesitates and answers in a french accent: “I would be a beav-ah… Monsieur”.

Lipton: (tilts his head back and laughs) “Ha-ha-ha, well played madame, well played.”

End scene.

Obviously if you’ve never seen his show, or the parody of his show on Saturday Night Live, you won’t find any of this funny. If you haven’t seen it, Will Farrell actually did one of the best James Lipton impersonations evernull

Pure comedic genius.

In other news:

Apparently Kid Rock got into a brawl at the Waffle House in Hot-lanta over the weekend.

Hopefully he paid for his fuckin waffles. Last time he stiffed me that prick!

So you need to be naked to be famous these days? October 17, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in bathroom humor, celebrities, critique, current events, funny, humor, new york city, opinion, pedestrian behavior, photos, pictures, random references, stupidity, weird, world news.
20 comments

So I just heard about this (am I the fuckin last to know? Guess that’s what I get for not reading the Post!).

Apparently last Friday some ad agency worker had a meltdown and walked around the streets of Manhattan naked:

http://www.nypost.com/seven/10132007/news/regionalnews/nude_nut_had_bad_bare_day.htm

According to the article, Josh Drimmer, 26, “temporarily lost his senses and that he was just having a really bad day…It was an extreme panic attack brought on by days of not sleeping. I had a bad day.” Now, I’ve worked my fair share of bad days in agency land but never took to the streets naked as a result. I may have done some swearing and maybe even broken a pencil or two (don’t tell!) but that’s gotta be some kinda meltdown to go to Times Square in the nude.

Unless he was just trying to show up the Naked Cowboy.

But apparently this may not have been Mr. Drimmer’s first nude appearance in public. According to the article, Drimmer, a Yale graduate, was in a group called the “Pundits” where there were naked parties with party goers hanging out in the nude.

Mr. Drimmer is also a fellow blogger. He writes a blog, “Excellence Makes Wack Irrelevant” which he classifies as “some jottings, findings, and sharp darts thrown by Josh Drimmer, playwright, pontificator, patriot.”

Although he hasn’t updated his blog in quite some time so needless to say he’s “petered out” on the whole blogging experience? Hey-oh! Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here till Friday, try the veal.

Anyway, this guy is now a mega celebrity. He even caught the eye of this police officer who apparently thinks he’s a “detective”:


Notice the officer on the left “inspecting” the package

Easy there officer. If you stare at it too long it’ll make you go blind. Or is that what they say about masterbating too much? Can’t remember.

Anyway, am I jealous at his new found fame? Sure. But until I get into “nudity baring” shape I promise I’ll spare my fellow New Yorkers of me running around in the buff. Unless I need the publicity of course. Cause then I can just chalk it up to a bad day.

I leave you, Mr. Drimmer, with some words to live by:

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion’s gone away
And I don’t need no carryin’ on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You’re faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life’s been way off line
You’re falling to pieces every time
And I don’t need no carryin’ on

Because you had a bad day
You’re taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don’t know
You tell me don’t lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don’t lie
You’re coming back down and you really don’t mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

This just in… October 5, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in celebrities, critique, funny, opinion, photos, pictures, sarcasm, world news.
78 comments

Breaking news out of Live Science. Apparently “Eyes Can’t Resist Beautiful People”.

According to the article:

Whether we’re looking for someone to date or sizing up a potential rival, our eyes irresistibly lock on to good-looking people, a new study finds.

Participants, all heterosexual men and women, fixated on highly attractive people within the first half-second of seeing them. Single folks ogled the opposite sex, of course. But those in committed relationships more often eyed beautiful people of the same sex.

“If we’re interested in finding a mate, our attention gets quickly and automatically stuck on attractive members of the opposite sex,” explained study leader Jon Maner of Florida State University. “If we’re jealous and worried about our partner cheating on us, attention gets quickly and automatically stuck on attractive people of our own sex because they are our competitors.”

Maner’s research is based on the idea that evolution has primed our brains to subconsciously latch on to signs of physical attractiveness in others, both to find a mate and to guard him or her from potential competitors.

But this evolutionary trick is not without potential romantic peril. Even some people in committed relationships had trouble tearing their eyes away from attractive members of the opposite sex. On the other hand, fixating on attractive people of the same sex as rivals could contribute to feelings of insecurity.

Maner found that men prone to jealousy kept a close eye on attractive potential rivals.

“When it comes to concerns about infidelity, men are very attentive to highly attractive guys because presumably their wives or girlfriends may be too,” he said.

Maner’s experiments, which flashed pictures of attractive men and women and average-looking men and women in front of participants and measured the time it took to shift their attention away from the image, surprisingly showed little difference between the sexes.

“Women paid just as much attention to men as men did to women,” Maner said.

The study is detailed in the September issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

Thanks for that ground breaking story Ms. Andrea Thompson. No seriously. I’m glad Live Science is devoting time and resources to letting the public know that we like to ogle hot people. I mean I can’t imagine that’s why there’s oh, 100 different celebrity and beauty magazines. Retards. Actually lemme dig up one of my newly found insults. Ah, got one. You bloody herring choker! There…now I really dug one into you.

Anyway, I was recently tagged by Tortious for The Face Behind the Blog tag. Since CDP was brave enough to show her face on her blog, and since I can’t avoid a game of tag to save my life I’ll take her up on the tag. Although most of you already know what I look like…but for those that don’t, I present to you the face behind WhatPushesMyButtons:

\/
\/
\/
\/

That’s right…I’m none other than Nahoud, the Jihad Bee. I teach children about the joys of Jihad.

I mean my commute back and forth between NYC and the Middle East is pretty tough these days, but those guys at Al Jeezera really know how to let you fly in comfort. I mean, first class all the way. Unlimited honey to snack on. My favorite bollywood porn movies.

What else could a Jihad bee ask for?

(BTW CDP: I’ve secretly hidden a photo of myself on this blog post…betcha’ can’t guess which one is me!)

Gimme More Collard Greens Mutha Fucka September 27, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in asshole of the day, celebrities, common sense, critique, current events, eating, food, new york city, opinion, politics, restaurant, stupidity, world news.
22 comments

So y’all heard by now Bill O’Reilly done said some racist things in the past few days.

If you haven’t heard, O’Reilly was having dinner with Rev. Al Sharpton up at Sylvia’s, which is a soul food restaurant in Harlem (one of the best soul food restaurants around).

O’Reilly was quoted saying “couldn’t get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia’s restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it’s run by blacks, primarily black patronship.”

O’Reilly continued “You know, I mean, everybody was — it was like going into an Italian restaurant in an all-white suburb in the sense of people were sitting there, and they were ordering and having fun. And there wasn’t any kind of craziness at all,”

O’Reilly even added: “There wasn’t one person in Sylvia’s who was screaming, ‘M-Fer, I want more iced tea.”

Now I don’t know what types of restaurants O’Reilly has been in before with black folk, but its plainly clear he was out of touch. What did he expect, people to be climbing all over the seats, swinging from the chandeliers, stealing food off each other’s plates? I mean bitch, this ain’t no Chuck-E-Cheese or IHOP, this is Sylvia’s. Soul Food at it’s finest. If you wanted chaos and people cursing at each other then you need to go to Popeye’s or the B-K up in Harlem. Then people be all up in ya grillz asking for change and throwing chicken bones around.

I mean I’m joking of course but you get my point. It’s crazy that someone in this day and age thinks it’s an “amazing thing” that a restaurant run by “blacks” and frequented by “blacks” can be just as “civilized” as a “white run restaurant”.

I mean, Bill…last time I checked you were a business guy and you surely know that “blacks” hold CFO, President, CEO, and other highly influential positions in business. Hell aren’t there special publishing features and media reports devoted to the top companies run by minorities? I can’t believe you’d be that out of touch with civilization that you think every establishment run by a “minority” is run like a zoo. Now granted there is your occassional exception or two but seriously man…I’m disappointed.


Yo bitch, where my collard greens at?

All I know is that I’m thinking about wearing a Bill O’Reilly costume for this Halloween. I’ll show up to Sylvia’s or some other “black run restaurant”. I’ll scream at the workers “yo, motha fucka, where the fuck my chitlins and collard greens at”. Everyone will have a good time and laugh. And then I’ll take off my costume and sit and enjoy my meal like a civilized human being.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to seek out some fried chicken for lunch. All this talk about it has put me in the mood for some finger lickin goodness!

And now a word from our sponsors August 28, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in celebrities, humor, sarcasm, travel.
12 comments

Firstly my apologies for the lack of updates recently. As many of you know I’ve been off traveling this great country of ours for work and my latest stop brought me to Springfield, MO.

After being stuck in the Dallas/Fort Worth Airport for 9 hours because not one, not two but three of my flights I was scheduled to leave on had mechanical failures (including one right before take off), I was stuck in airport long time as Tom Hanks would say (that sentence sponsored by the Terminal – now available on BetaMax for your viewing pleasure).

So after barhopping through the airport, including spending 2 1/2 hours downing Vodka Tonics in chili’s and talking to the 5 or 6 people who sat next to me at the bar since I wasn’t going anywhere for a while (that sentence sponsored by Snickers. Satisfy your hunger today), I finally made my way to Springfield. I hopped on my flight and it was one of those “puddle jumpers” with one seat, aisle and 2 seats, with just enough headroom to fit the cast of Little People, Big World (thanks to my sponsor, TLC). I was sitting in seat 2A…which would be first class normally, although on a puddle jumper it just means I’m sitting in the service vestibule (yes, I broke out the word vestibule. I’m working on 2 1/2 hrs of sleep here people. Thanks).

Anyway the flight attendant (male) came up to me and said we have the last name. I asked him how he pronounces his and he said Jet-tay. I said really, me too. Then he says, well I can’t really say that though cause I live down south and they don’t like the French much down here. Actually the funny part is I don’t bother correcting people on my last name either, especially on the road. Last thing I need is to start a holy way south of the mason dixon line by sounding french, even though no one in my family speaks French nor can we directly trace any French heritage. So I just let them call me Mr. Jet.

Well Mr. Jet-tay (the flight attendant) and I chatted for a long while and he was a pleasant fellow who grew up in CT and moved to Dallas 21 years ago. He even game me an extra can of coke to take on the road. Which was much appreciated since I had missed my ride which left at 3pm and had to rent my own car. Nothing like driving in unfamiliar territory at 10pm after spending all day in the airport downing Vodka Tonics. But then again this is Missouri and I was heading towards a place I’ve always wanted to visit: Branson.


Branson, MO – the Las Vegas of the Midwest, without the hi-priced strippers

I mean how can you not love the entertainment capital of the midwest. Home to such family friendly acts as Tony Orlando & Dawn, Yakov Smirnoff and the Baldknobbers.

Coming down the highway (Route 86) there’s about 1 million billboards advertising all of the activities you can do in Branson, like watch D rated entertainment, eat, shop and eat some more. I’ve seen it featured in numerous food and travel shows and have always wanted to stop to take a look. Unfortunately I was in no mood for stopping at 10pm and even more unfortunately my schedule prohibited me from truly experiencing Branson, save for the neon sign that said Branson and the huge Yakov! sign above Yakov Smirnoff’s theatre:

I guess I’ll just have to go pay another visit someday. Especially when I’m in the mood for some banjo jubilee and some bald guys with no teeth. Nothing says entertainment like the Baldnobbers!

(This whole post sponsored by Lunesta – who reminds you to be responsible and get more than 2 1/2 hours of sleep).

“Fantasy” Weekend August 21, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in celebrities, current events, eating, fashion, food, football, new york city, television.
22 comments

When you think “fantasy weekend” you probably don’t envision 12 guys in a room drinking beer, talking football, with a newborn and a greyhound (unless maybe you’re Britney Spears). But when it’s fantasy football season, there’s no time for females or lounging at the beach. There’s some pride on the line and some drafting to be done! Well, this past weekend was my annual fantasy football draft. I’m proud to say our league has been in existance for 15 years and I think I’ve been a part of it for the last 9. The best part about our league is that we try to be together in person for the draft. Obviously getting everyone in the same room year after year is difficult, especially with people living all over the country, but that’s what makes our league special.

Anyway, not to bore you with all of the fantasy football details (if you want to know my team feel free to post a comment) but one of the highlights is always the food. We’ve come a long way since our inception, and at recent drafts you could find lobster, freshly caught steamed quahog, Vietnamese Tiger Shrimp (the biggest shrimp you’ve ever seen!), homemade chili and other tasty treats (both homemade and store bought).

For this year I was able to bust out some boneless buffalo chicken strips using my newly updated recipe. I bake my famous “buffalo wings” instead of frying them and make a “special sauce” which has become famous over the years at Super Bowl parties and other gatherings. I’ve started to substitute chicken wings for skinless, boneless chicken breast that I carve up into bite size portions and bake away. The result is a nice tender and tasty buffalo chicken piece that’s for the most part healthy for you (minus the sodium in the buffalo wing sauce).


My buffalo style chicken (right) accompanied by Pigs in a Blanket and Jalepeno Poppers

Along with my buffalo style chicken we feasted on Connell’s chili, pizza, homemade Hummus, brownies, and Ian’s extra large, butterflied grilled tiger shrimp (of which I ate about 20 of – hence no pictures).


Connell’s chili


Pizza and homemade hummus

So the food this year was a success, even if we didn’t have freshly caught clams and steamed lobster. But maybe we’ll make up for it next year!

Anyway, I had another “fantasy” experience last night when I was invited to a swank party thrown by Meow Mix. Now when you think Meow Mix you don’t think party (unless there’s some catnip thrown in!) but the party was a “Meow Mix Acatemy Back to School party”.

The party was thrown in a converted space on Union Square East and 15th street. There were limos in the front and cameras everywhere and immediately I thought I wouldn’t be let in with my khakis and untucked polo shirt. But since I “was on the list” I was let in.

Immediately after I walked through the front doors it was like a stepped on stage of a model shoot. To my left was a photo area where singer Kat DeLuna was holding some cats and posing for pictures. On my right was an area to purchase Meow Mix “attire” including t-shirts and handbags. Further into the room were two side rooms with more photo areas, including a life-size kitty play area where another model was taking pictures. The room then opened up into a bar and food area, with a stage and areas to “catnap” and stretch.

Since the party was cat themed, invited guests were (besides Kat DeLuna): Iron Chef Cat Cora, “Big Pussy” from the Sopranos, CariDee (winner of America’s Next Top Model) and Rachel Hunter. Not sure what Rachel Hunter had to do with cats, but regardless she was there (although I didn’t even recognize her, nor did I recognize any celebrities for that matter). All I know was that there were LOTS of tall women there (presumably all models) and lots of yummy food (and a large sampling of Meow Mix Salmon treats for your cats there for the taking). I had joked with some guests that they should serve up the cat treats on little crackers just to see if people would’ve noticed the difference (they probably wouldn’t have). But all in all for the little I was there it was a good time (how can you not enjoy watching models prance around a small room trying to “one-up” each other).

Here are some published pics from last night:

Apparently the “Meow Mix Acatemy” is here to stay for a while too. So may be something to check out if you’re a cat lover. Although hopefully the geniuses behind ICanHazCheezburger won’t go and fuck it up for cat lovers.

My own empire August 15, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in celebrities, critique, fashion, sex, travel.
13 comments

A few months back ESR-W came back from a trip to Europe with a tearout of a magazine. The tearout was of a fragrance entitled: Jette by Night

I laughed of course being that’s my last name and kept it aside for a keepsake.

Well more recently I saw another ad for Jette by Night, but this time for a shower and body gel!

So I decided to look up the product. Lo and behold the product is a huge sensation throughout Europe! No way! Not only is it a fragrance, body and shower gel, but there’s also jewelry, clothing, footwear, eyewear and even skates! Crazy!

I found out the designer is a lady named Jette Joop so she named all of her product line after herself (although secretly I think she named the products after me!). In fact, the designer is so popular she throws huge bashes when a new product line is launched!

It’s crazy. And since it’s a European based company they definitely use sex to sell “my product”. Take a look at these hot ‘adverts’:

I’m thrilled my product is all about the high fashion. Especially the roller skates.


My skates are off the hook!

Obviously it’s all one big coincidence that the product line is named after me. But regardless it seems like this “imposture” is making quite a living off using my name. Maybe I’ll have to consult my attorneys to get some royalties. I mean she’s gotta be raking in millions!

So Ms. Joop or Ms. Jette…or whatever you go by, just remember, as Brooke Astor said: “Money is like manure, it should be spread around.”

“Money is like manure…” August 14, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in celebrities, current events, new york city, opinion.
11 comments

If that’s the case I’m “shit out of luck”. Da dum dum. Thank you thank you. I’ll be here all week. Try the veal.

The full quote is: “Money is like manure, it should be spread around.” Which is one of the best quotes I’ve heard in a long time. It comes courtesy of one of the most generous persons to ever walk the face of this earth: Brooke Astor.

Astor, who married the son of wealthy investor John Jacob Astor, just passed away at the age of 105. Her career was spent being a philantrophist and contributer to society’s greater good. She took her husband’s fortune and spread the wealth throughout NYC over the years, spending up to $200 million to fund such projects as the New York Public Library, Carnegie Hall, the Museum of Natural History, Central Park, the Bronx Zoo, the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and the one closest to my heart, the Apollo Theatre.

While she was very wealthy, she was always approachable by anyone, rich or poor. If only other wealthy (like Leona Helmsley) contributed like Brooke did the world be a much better place. “I grew up feeling that the most important thing in life was to have good manners and to enhance the lives of others”, Brooke was quoted saying in 1992. That’s pretty much my creedo too.

So here’s to you, Mrs. Astor. Even though your last days were apparently spent sleeping on an urine infested couch and children fighting over your estate, you will be truly missed by all New Yorkers!

Of course it was a quick birth August 4, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in bathroom humor, celebrities, critique, current events, opinion, sarcasm, sex, world news.
20 comments

Ok…so as many already know the well famed Duggar family of Arkansas recently welcomed their 17th child into this world. The child, Jennifer Danielle, became the 18th J named member of the Duggar clan (counting Jim Bob, the father).

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070803/ap_on_fe_st/17_kids;_ylt=AjNyu7n7mYmX65zF0ZRJCVbtiBIF

Now, you already know how I feel about this family based on a previous post. So needless to say I’m pretty impartial about the family values that the Duggar clan employs. While I’m not here to judge, I think it does smack of a religious cult, and many of you have agreed with me on that fact.

Since the Duggar’s have no plan of stopping, I guess there’s nothing to do but sit back and just watch the family grow like some unwanted weeds.

I think the funniest part of the recent birth was the mother, Michelle (who is the only non J-named person in the family) who said quote: “It actually went fast…I guess once I started progressing, it went within 30 minutes.”

Gee…I wonder why the birth went so fast? Could it be that your birth canal is well accustomed to passing through children at this point. I mean it’s like a fuckin slip n slide right now. The fetus forms, waits a few months, sees the light and then just slides right out.


Re-enactment of Duggar clan birth

I’m not even gonna ask how sex is like. How can there be any traction on the tires at this point? Some of you have broken out the Stewie Griffin “it’s like throwing a pencil down the hallway” line. Either way, good ole Jim Bob must be hung like a horse to fit in.

Michelle’s been pregnant about 10 1/2 years of her life already and she’s birthed 18 children. Although she’s got a ton of work to do if she wants to catch the world record. According to several sources:

“The greatest number of children produced by a mother in an independently attested case is 69 by the first wife of Fyodor Vassilet (1816-72) a peasant of the Moscow Jurisdiction, Russia, who in 27 confinements, gave birth to 16 pairs of twins, 7 sets of triplets and 4 sets of quadruplets. Most of the children attained their majority. Mme. Vassilet became so renowned that she was presented at the court of Czar Alexander II.”

So to reach this magic “69” number (ironic isn’t it), she would have to have another 52 children! If that’s her ambition she needs to start spitting out some quadruplets, quintuplets, sextuplets and even octuplets. Better start taking some fertility pills Michelle…because what’s the sense of having 20 something children if it’s not even close to being a record.

Hill Country: Worth the hype? July 29, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in celebrities, critique, eating, food, lunch, new york city, opinion, photos, pictures, restaurant.
10 comments

Barbeque has been all the rage in the NYC recently due to the success of places like Blue Smoke, Rub, Dinosaur, Daisy May’s among many others. Even celebrities are jumping into the pit (so to speak) as Justin Timberlake recently opened a BBQ Joint on the UES penned Southern Hospitality. Another recent arrival came to the Chelsea area via Austin, TX titled Hill Country.

Hill Country is an homage to the old Texas BBQ markets, where patrons belly up to the counter and get their food cut and priced to order. The space itself is very warm and inviting (and spaceous!). Upon walking through the doors you feel like throwing on your Cowboy Boots, 10 gallon hat and favorite flannel shirt (don’t forget about spraying on some Stetson cologne).

Warning….side rant coming! Listen people. I know this is Chelsea and the prepsters and hipsters who live here (not all but some) may have some problems identifying what “dressing down” means. Let me put it to you this way. It’s BBQ…down and dirty…stuff will spill and splatter…Dress appropriately. Please leave the Prada and the Chanel at home ok? It’s a fuckin BBQ joint. Thank you.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about the main reason why you would go to Hill Country besides the cool, laid back atmosphere: the food.

I went for the first time about a month ago with a large group of peeps. I was beyond anxious to try it out being a BBQ afficionado and upon hearing heaps and heaps of glorious review. Being that I normally overorder anyway, I found myself racking up the dollars pretty quickly as Bridget & I seemingly decided to try just about everything on the menu.

At the meat station we got a rack of ribs, a 1/2 Grilled Market chicken, a Beer Can Game Hen (which I was most excited to try), and a few slices of lean brisket. The food gets weighed by the pound and slapped onto some good ole brown butcher’s paper and wrapped up in a ball. I admire the no-frills, pay by the pound bit and the fact that I don’t have to worry about breaking a dish is even better for me! We next hit the sides stations and got a “Feed yer Family” side of Mac & Cheese and some Green Beean Casserole. Of course the meal wasn’t complete until we added the slices of thick white bread to go along with the meats and sides.

We sat downstairs since we had a group of 10 and got a long table to share. Waitresses take drink orders and how could you have Texas BBQ without the Lonestar! With Lonestar in hand and a palette of food on paper in front of me I was happier than a pig in shit (no offense to the pig I was about to eat of course).


The chicken, ribs, brisket and toast

I decided to try everything “as-is” to experience the true flavoring of their meats without drenching it in any of the BBQ sauces on the table. Since I had a lot of food to sample in front of me, I’ll base my review by item of food.

I first tried the ribs. Now granted please take this with a grain of salt, but I’m not a dry-rub kinda guy. I like sweet, tangy, spicy or any other type of “wet rib”, the kind that falls off the bone and has you licking your lips and fingers all day and night to try to get all of the sauce you can. So with that said I wasn’t a huge fan of the spicing on the ribs. I guess if you’re a dry rub person that’s how you like em. But spice aside, the ribs were a little tough to chew and slightly dry. Again…I know it’s supposed to be dry…but the meat should still be a little sweet and tender. This rib was just a notch below tender.

Next up was the lean brisket. The brisket was soft and easy to cut through. The meat was tasty and flavorful. Obviously the moist brisket would have had more fat and thus more “softness” to it, but all in all the brisket was decent. It needed some help from the array of BBQ sauces at the table to bring it up to “good” status. But definitely a notch above the ribs for me.

Then I decided to go for what I came here for in the first place. The beer can game hen. Being that I love to make cornish hen’s in my oven and have somewhat perfected the art of making them, I was expecting BIG things from the hen. Especially being that it was beer can flavored, how can you not be stoked. Well I was immediately discouraged when the skin wasn’t crispy but soft and not really chewable. I love crispy skin. Not saying it had to be fried, but there’s something about a crispy skin that adds to the flavor to the meat. This was like peeling back tissue paper. I cut into the meat. It was definitely cooked well but it was bland in flavor. The bites weren’t memorable and there certainly wasn’t any hints of beer flavoring in the meat (nor on the skin). I think the soft skin pretty much let the flavor evaporate out of the bird (a seared skin locks the flavors and moisture of a meat in) and left it a dry, bland mess. In fact I’d even argue that they didn’t use a beer can to cook the hen in the first place (which I’m sure I’m completely on point about being that the hen came out of a giant bin of hens). I was completely disappointed. And quite frankly pissed off being that this was the one thing I looked most forward too.


The “beer can” game hen, side of mac & cheese and green bean casserole

Eager to get my excitement and my appetite back I ripped into the sides. The mac & cheese was flavorful and the macaroni was soft and chewy. Cheese was abundant throughout, but very rich, to the point where you feel the arteries tightening a bit with each bite. But not enough to stop you from shoving forkful after forkful into your mouth. The green bean casserole was exceptionally good, and the fried onions helped give the green beans a nice added crunch and saltiness. I was definitely a fan of the green beans (even if it’s the “low food on the totem pole” at a BBQ joint.

Last up to sample was the market chicken. The chicken was moist and tender and very flavorful (MUCH more so than the hen). Each bite of the breast was tender both with and without the skin. However once you get down closer to the bone the meat was almost too tender and a little pink. Not to the point of being undercooked, but to the point of too tender to really eat. So that was kind of a drag being that their was so much flavor in the chicken I would have gleefully lifted up the carcass and ripped away at the tender meat that is normally around the bone.

I mean I know its hard to cook up thousands of pounds of meat a day. I really do. And it’s next to impossible to keep your eye on everything you cook. But if you’re cooking something in a “slow and low heat” based environment you have to realize that stuff will take longer to cook, especially with vast amounts of food in the steamers at the same time. But with poulty you need to be even more careful about what you’re serving up to your guests. So while I’m not saying the food was raw…they should probably fine tune their methods just a bit to ensure that the entire chicken is cooked through and not just the breast. Or just chop the bird and serve just the breast this way you won’t have to have someone staring at a pinkish piece of meat deciding whether or not to eat it or not.

Anyway after plowing through my plentiful bounty I sat back and evaluated the damage. There wasn’t much left on my paper, just some uneaten hen and the not eatable carcass of the chicken. I chewed down my white toast with another Lonestar to “cleanse the palette” for dessert. That and I really was hoping something would save my experience at Hill Country because it was a tad disappointing at this point.


The PB&J cupcake (back), the pecan pie and the Blue Hill icecream

Lo and behold dessert came through in the clutch! The PB&J cupcake was probably the best cupcake I’ve had in years (or have ever had period). The jelly was sweet and balanced out the peanut butter frosting perfectly. Add the reese’s pieces on top and it was like having your first peanut butter & jelly sandwich all over again! The pecan pie was definitely good (served room temperature) and the pecans were nice and crunchy compared to the tartness of the pie. When you threw a little vanilla Blue Bell ice cream up on that bitch it definitely brought it on home! Blue Bell, served in a little dixie cup, is a creamy and sweet version of homemade ice cream from Texas. Blue Bell is actually celebrating their 100th anniversary this year with a tour across the south sampling their flavors and celebrating their heritage. It’s a damn shame they won’t be coming up north of the mason-dixon line because I’d love to spend a few hours in that truck!

All in all Bridget and I spent upwards of $100 between the two of us and left Hill Country disgustingly full. For me I left with a twinge of disappointment in my mouth, albeit I was grinning ear to ear thanks to dessert. The reviews on my table were mixed, with some saying they loved it and others somewhat underwhelmed like I was. I did see some people from Texas I knew there so I know the place is pretty legit on trying to recreate the Texas BBQ market experience. From an atmosphere and serving standpoint that is point on (I could see the live music they have on occassion definitely helping to add to that experience).

Overall, the sides and dessert were definitely good (the dessert more so than the sides). The meats, which is what BBQ is all about, were hit or miss. I’ve definitely had better BBQ in NYC (Daisy May’s, Dinosaur among others) and I’ve definitely had worse, but I would say my first visit was about average. I left full and slightly unsatisfied and overall I’d have to say based on my first visit, all the hype may have been just a bit overrated. I’m sure thousands will disagree with my review and call me every name in the book. But since the place is continuing to drum up the hype, I did have the opportunity to make a second visit just last week for some lunch with co-workers. Did my feelings change any or would I continue to be underwhelmed? Well unfortunately I made myself really hungry talking about BBQ so you’ll have to log on tomorrow to find that out!

Y’all come back now – ya hear?