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Ridin with the ‘po-po’ September 10, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in breakfast, coffee, current events, dogs, eating, food, humor, new york city, pedestrian behavior, television.
16 comments

So last night was pretty adventurous. My “good citizenship” kicked in again as I was witness to a “small time crime” last night next to my apt. Earlier in the evening Tegdirb (perhaps best nickname ever?) saw a few ‘utes’ break into a construction site across the street. I had debated alerting the proper authorities but held off since they just appeared to be horsin’ around in the site. Well an hour or so later I looked outside again and said ‘utes’ had taken a “long metal instrument used to climb” and were in the process of chucking it over the wall of the construction site (notice i’m not using real names for the crime and product should certain utes discover google and discover my blog and thus discover my identity – you figure out the rest. After all, I survived the first four slugs in my chest while ridin w/ Pac in Vegas…don’t need any matchin scars.)

Anyway I figured it was time to alert the authorities and after calling Tres-Uno-Uno I was told that this WAS in fact an emergency and was patched to Nueve-Uno-Uno where I told the dispatcher about the illegal activity transforming in front of my eyes.

After giving a description of location a few minutes later I received a call back asking to confirm location. A minute or two after that another call asking for updates. And then a few minutes later I was asked to come downstairs to “take a visual”.

After meeting the po-po outside I walked with them round the corner to where several utes were being questioned (per my original description). I glanced over unassumingly and squinted to see them. The clothing “fit the bill” but I couldn’t make a positive facial ID. I mean then again it was 9:30 at night and I was seeing the action from a good 75 feet away. So a little hard to make out facial identification. I informed the officers that I couldn’t make a positive facial ID but the build/clothing fit. We took a walk to the break in area and I identified where the large metal climbing apparatus was taken to and where the utes might have stashed it.

I gave a few more statements and then was told to hop in the car for a ride back to my apt. I climbed in the back seat and holy shit…let me tell you, for those who haven’t been in the back of a copcar there’s NO leg room back there. None. I barely could squeeze my legs in and I’m not even that tall. Anyone over 6’2″ would basically have to be a contortionist to fit into the back of a squad car. I guess they make the experience as uncomfortable as possible.

Anyway not sure what they did with said utes but I felt like I did my civic duties. Most people (actually all people) in my neighborhood wouldn’t say dick because they don’t give a shit. But I figured that a) the construction company would want to know their property was being damaged b) lets teach these utes a lesson by letting them know someone is always watching them. The whole experience made me feel like I was on the set of CSI: NY or NYPD Blue or Homicide: Life on the Street (BEST cop drama ever in my humble opinion) or any other NYC crime type show. I always thought I’d make a good cop…although I’d prefer to be a undercover or “rogue civilian” cop, catching civilians engaging in acts of “petty” crimes (you know this from my Rules of Pedestrian Engagement article from back in the days).

Speaking of police officers…apparently this one got sick on a salty burger.. I mean, we all know McDonald’s burgers are pretty flavorless on their own (hence why we douce them in ketchup, mayo, lettuce, tomato, etc). But getting one that had a ton of salt on it would probably taste like shit (It is shit, austin).

I agree with the quote in the article that said the cop should’ve thrown out the burger on first bite. But hey, a hungry cop is a hungry cop! Just good thing it wasn’t a donut that had a certain “sugar-like substance” spilled on it. Last thing we need are officers sniffing their uniforms to get them some more of the “powderly sugar” goodness. Of course I’m talking about the innocent white powdered sugar. I would never insinuate that an officer of the law would snort some coke off their uniforms. In any case I’m sure his salty burger tasted a hell of a lot better than the rubbery egg & cheese I had from Starbucks this am.

And that was after waiting for 20 minutes (no joke) for a grande Vanilla Latte and said egg sandwich. All I really wanted was the Latte to help my digestive system perform its magic this am (TMI?) but I threw the rubbery egg sandwich in there as well. My question is why would you microwave an egg and cheese? Why wouldn’t you just get a toaster oven and toast it? At least then the english muffin wouldn’t become rubbery in the microwave, it would be nice and crispy. Same with the bacon. And the egg would heat just the same in the toaster as it would in the microwave. Am I making sense here or is that just too much common sense? I’m a man who knows my egg sandwiches (was a short-order cook in a bagel shop for a few months) so needless to say it’s very disappointing when something simple like an egg and cheese gets so fucked up.

Anyway the real picture I should have taken this morning was on the subway. I was sitting across from a woman who looked like a cross between a 100 year old weathered Native American tribeswoman and a pug. Seriously, that’s probably the best descriptor for her. And the women was probably in her 50s/60s at best. Her skin was so weathered and wrinklely and her face was compressed like a pug’s is. It was quite fascinating actually. I was so tempted to whip it out and take a picture of her/it (talkin about whippin out my cell phone of course). I wish I could of but then too many people got on and stood in my way.

If she wore a blonde wig and wore a white dress she may have looked something like this (only darker):

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Out of it June 20, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in bathroom humor, breakfast, coffee, eating, food, funny, humor, opinion, pedestrian behavior, photos, pictures, sarcasm, sex, weird.
25 comments

I’m completely out of it. Once again I blame the humidity. This morning walking over to the train we passed this pimped out yellow Corvette. I barely even noticed it when Bridget said “that’s hysterical”. As I walked by I noticed that emblazened on the windshield in graffiti type lettering it said “Mr. Cock”. After twenty steps or so Bridget was like “You’re not gonna take a picture of that?” The thought hadn’t even occurred to me. Maybe I was still sleeping. But seriously what the fuck is wrong with me? I should have been all over that this am. Like, that writing was kind of big, maybe he’s a BIG Cock. Or maybe he should change his name to Mr. Blank A Doodle Doo. But nothing.

But I’m not the only one struggling this morning. Most people couldn’t even make it up the subway stairs at 33rd street. Everyone is moving in slow motion. I swear I almost had to pick the guy up in front of me and carry him up the stairs. You know people are struggling when the line at Starbucks is 3 times as long as it normally is. I went to get an Iced Latte in hopes it would jolt me, but the line was ridiculous. At least 50 people long. Fuck that. I went and got Naked instead.

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Yes…with “a pound of fruit in every bottle” who needs coffee? With heart healthy omega-3’s and over 1,000 mg of potassium i’m rejuvenated and ready to roll. It also contains 570 mg of something called Red Algae in it. Actually on the side of the bottle they refer to it as “red sea algae”.

I did some research and lo and behold “Red algae is marketed to treat candida, herpes simplex virus and other chronic ailments”. It’s also the same algae that helps make the Red Sea red. Huh. Who knew.

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Is this a worker from Naked collecting red sea algae?

But I’m glad that by drinking the stuff I’ll be reducing my risks of genital herpes and yeast infections. Cause lord knows there’s nothing worse than a yeast infection. Can’t have that bitter beer taste in your mouth.

Ok…wait…so that came out completely wrong. I was trying to make a joke about beer and the yeast in it and how if you drink bad beer you could get a “yeast infection”. But y’all are gonna think I was talking about performing oral on a girl that has a yeast infection and that would give you a bitter taste in your mouth.

Ok…on that note…I think I’m gonna lay low for a while. I’ll be back once everyone is done throwing up all over their keyboard.

Something for Everyone June 15, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in bathroom humor, breakfast, comedy, common sense, critique, current events, fashion, food, funny, humor, lunch, opinion, pedestrian behavior, photos, pictures, politics, restaurant, sarcasm, sex, world news.
22 comments

So it’s a beautiful Friday…although some of y’all have already headed out to the Jersey Shore or the Hamptons for the weekend. But for us poor folk who don’t hobnob with the masses, it’s time to find the little things that can make us happy this weekend. Like watching nannies show off their thongs in the park

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(picture courtesy of I Saw Your Nanny and Metadish.com)

I mean…jesus christ. How do you NOT know your pants are under your ass? Don’t feel the cold breeze coming in?

Although I don’t know who’s more at fault…the nanny for showing off her thong to the world or the perverted (i.e. smart) person who snapped her picture. Let the debate begin!

On the less “sexy” side of the news, for those who are avid SPAM eaters (and who Isn’t!) you’ll be happy to know that SPAM is causing a fast food war in Hawaii. (click on pic for article)

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According to the article: “Burger King is offering the Spam Platter — two slices of Spam nestled between white rice and scrambled eggs. The fast-food giant also offers the Croissanwich or Biscuit Sandwich with Spam.”

Good stuff. Although I tend to think I’d go for more of the “SpamMcMuffin” rather than the Spam and Rice platter. But that’s just me!

The article also mentions these fun facts:

“Hawaii residents consume more than 5 million pounds of Spam a year, an average of about six cans for every man, woman and child.”

“Spam ‘musubi’ — a slice of Spam atop a block of rice and wrapped in seaweed — is an island favorite sold at nearly every convenience store, including 7-Eleven. Spam fried rice is a local classic.”

“There are also more varieties of Spam sold in Hawaii than anywhere else. There’s Spam Garlic, Spam Bacon, Spam with Cheese, Spam with Tabasco, Spam Turkey and Spam Lite, which featured less sodium and less fat.”

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SPAM Musubi

Spam Lite. Nice. So that only has 800mg of Sodium and 35g of Fat per serving. Good to know.

Next time I go to Nobu I’m gonna insist they serve me some SPAM Musubi. If not I’m taking my Sake and leaving!

Btw…I still have that packet of SPAM on my desk. I can’t eat it until we win the SPAM business. Good thing the packet doesn’t expire until April 2009! Then again I thought SPAM never went bad. Hmm…

In other, other news…apparently there’s a new code for business attire in the middle east. Suits and dress clothing have been replaced with fatigues, masks and guns.

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New office attire announced in Gaza

About damn time. That would be perfect in my office since we have plenty of guns and camo lying around. Don’t know how well the whole mask/covered face thing would go over…but I guess we’ll find out!

“Bat” Man June 14, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in asshole of the day, baseball, breakfast, common sense, critique, dogs, food, funny, humor, opinion, pedestrian behavior, photos, pictures, sports, subways, yankees.
24 comments

Last night sitting in the bleachers at the Yankees game I was sitting in front of this older couple, probably in their 50s. They looked like they just got off the bus from Woodstock, with their long white hair and shoddy clothing. However they seemed nice and they were definitely avid Yankee fans. The lady however was cheering for everything. She even cheered loudly when the corporate sponsor for umbrella day was acknowledged before the game. Who cheers for the corporate sponsor??? But the worst part was her whistle. She emitted this ultra-high pitched whistle that I think most dogs would cover their ears listening too. It was deafening. I’m still hearing some of the feedback in my ear. She whistled and clapped for everything. Mussina threw a ball? “Come on Mooooseeee let’s get it back” followed by loud claps and her shreiking whistle. Wil Nieves struck out again? Whistle, clap, whistle. “Get em next time Willie!”

I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m all for cheering at games. But jesus christ lady…be aware of people sitting in front of you when you’re whistling. And there’s really no need to whistle for a foul ball. Honestly. If Mussina’s pitch count was 66 by the 5th inning, her whistle count was in the 100’s. Eventually I became deaf enough in my right ear that it stopped fazing me. But 2 or 3 people actually moved their seats because of her loud cheering. Thankfully I left in the 7th inning to avoid any further damage to my ear drums. What’s that? Huh? Sorry thought someone was calling my name.

Anyway, sorry to vent about that…I think that’s just my ear speaking out in frustration. Although it could have been worse. I could have been this guy (go to the Blogger site for larger image):

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I think the funniest part of the picture is how he’s the only one not defending himself from the bat. People a few seats over have their hands raised or are covering themselves. The people on the left side look like they’re watching a horror film and are screaming. But this guy just took the bat on the chin. According to the caption he suffered a broken rib…but not sure how he didn’t break his jaw. Then again he’s wearing an Ireland shirt, so I’m sure he’s used to getting hit in the face. (I’ll take Irish stereotypes for $200 please).

Ooooh…what’s that, someone just said there’s donuts in the conference room. I’m so there. Be back with more later…

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Mmmm….donuts

Post blog note: hmm…so turns out I’m just hearing things…no donuts. damn…that lady really fucked my ear up!

My stomach is ready to disown me June 7, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in breakfast, critique, current events, eating, food, lunch, new york city, opinion, pedestrian behavior, restaurant, travel, white castle.
15 comments

So I’m sitting here absolutely starving…but I’m waiting on a call from one of my clients so I’m in essence chained to my desk. Now I know what people on a hunger strike must feel like. This is worse than chinese water torture!

What makes it worse is everyone is going out to lunch or bringing their lunch back to the office. Just smelling the fried goodness of chinese food is making my mouth water. Plus it didn’t help that all I had for breakfast was some muscle milk shake thing that was supposedly a meal supplement.

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It tasted pretty good though – I got the chocolate shake. Although I don’t really notice a difference in muscle mass today…I guess you’re supposed to do something called “lifting” to notice a change in muscle mass. Not sure what that is. Why don’t these shakes just do the lifting for you? Or is that just what Human Growth Hormones are for?

Speaking of eating, this weekend is the Big Apple BBQ fest in Madison Square Park. I haven’t gone in the past but wanted to go this year. Although I may think twice about that since the crowds are absolutely ridiculous. You can expect to wait over an hour just to get a “plate” of food from one of the BBQ pitmasters that come in from around the country.

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Hate crowds and lines? The Big Apple BBQ is definitely not for you

I think it’s $8 per plate at each of the pitmaster stations…which is probably the equivalant of one rib and a “dollop” of pulled pork.I mean, that’s great and all, if you weighed about 80 pounds and got full from inhaling fresh air. If I’m waiting an hour for some BBQ, my plate better be overflowing with food. I want a full rack of ribs and a heaping order of sides. But that’s definitely not what you’re getting here. You’re getting a “sampling” of food. And for those who are food savvy like myself, sample = “small portions”.

Last year I believe they had 6 pits, and this year its up to 10 pits…so maybe the wait time will fall to under an hour. You actually are recommended to buy a “Fast Pass” for your food – so you can in essence cut line, similiar to what you can do at Disney. I think it’s $100 for the fast pass, which entitles you to $84 dollars worth of food and beverage, admission to one of the “BBQ seminars” and a free t-shirt. I’m sorry…when I think seminar, I think sitting/standing around someone talking for an hour with no handouts. As cool as the topic may be, aren’t you just wasting your $25??? Wouldn’t you rather just eat your $25 dollars worth? Especially since the lines are an hour plus per pit…

While this by and large is a great idea to have these pitmasters exhibit their wares in NYC..I think I’m definitely gonna pass again this year.

a) I hate waiting for food. Call me whatever you like…but I don’t wait over an hour for food. Just not my style to stand there on line like I’m taking handouts at a soup kitchen. There’s millions of places to eat in the city…if you have to wait an hour to get in somewhere, go somewhere else. Unless it’s a fancy place like Nobu where they make you wait as “part of the charm”. Otherwise I’d just as happily go to the restaurant down the block.

b) If I’m gonna spend $100 on BBQ, I’d just go to the BBQ restaurant itself and chow down. I know you can’t get the BBQ from all over the country that often and its great that these pitmasters fly in from all over the place to cook. But don’t you think its gonna be better at the actual restaurant itself? Shit, spend the few hundred on airfare and hotel and make a road trip out of it. Plus three of the pitmasters serving up food are from New York restaurants. Why not just save yourself the waiting and go up to Dinosaur BBQ in Harlem or Blue Smoke in Midtown? For $100, I guarantee you can eat like a champ at a BBQ restaurant! You’re certainly not gonna get just one rib and two ounces of pulled pork for your troubles. You’re gonna get 20 ribs and 10 pounds of plled pork.

c) The pits are only open from 12-6…meaning you have 6 hours to eat. If you average a wait time of an hour per pit…not counting waiting on line for beverages…you’re looking at only getting to maybe 5 out of the 10 pits, if you’re lucky. I know for some people, one or two pits are enough. But for us fat folk, if I’m devoting a day to BBQ, I want as many plates as I can get my hands on. Call me crazy, but that’s just my style.

d) You know how much further your $100 can go at other places? Just think about all the White Castle burgers, sides and chicken rings you can order with $100!

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This feast of a meal probably cost $25…at most

Anyway, sorry to get off on such a huge side rant about this event. Maybe I’m angry. Angry because my stomach has declared a revolt against me. I don’t blame it, poor thing…I’m basically giving it the Lindsay Lohan/Nicole Richie don’t eat anything all day treatment. I’d revolt too!

Post blog note…I ate lunch around 2pm EST…2 slices of pizza. The revolt is over. The stomach has declared a cease fire. The national guard can stand down. Let freedom reign!

Juice ain’t worth no two dollars! May 22, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in breakfast, critique, eating, food, humor, movies, new york city, opinion, pedestrian behavior, random references, sarcasm, sports, yankees.
34 comments

So getting breakfast this morning at Chicken Deli on 33rd btw Park & Madison (good for a cheap breakfast if you’re in the hood), a young male grabbed a bottle of juice – one of those V-8 Fusion drink things – and proceeded to hand the cashier a dollar bill.

The cashier responded: “$1.79”

The youth: “$1.79???”

The cashier: “$1.79”

The youth reluctantly pulled another dollar out of his pocket: “God dam…juice ain’t worth no two dollars”

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Is V-8’s V-Fusion worth two dollars?

I tried not to laugh but you know what – the kid is right. A 10 ounce drink used to be a buck. But not anymore…and definitely not in midtown. But I feel for you son, I agree that juice ain’t worth no two dollars.

And while we’re talking about price gouging…do an experiment and see how much your local deli charges you for Vitamin Water. Up in East Harlem, I can get a 20 oz bottle (regular size) for $1.50. At our little newsstand in my building on Park & 33rd, I can get Vitamin Water for $2. But go to any food place, deli, etc, and you’re paying $2.50-$3.00 for it. Ridiculous. Maybe next time I should complain and say “Vitamin Water ain’t worth no three dollar”!

Anyway, thank you to the Yankees for actually showing up last night. Although they still have this problem with the whole manufacturing runs thing. Runners on 1st and 2nd with no one out, and they don’t score a run in the inning. That’s the kind of shit that’s prevented them from winning championships these past few seasons. Although for the first time ever I actually gave Jorge Posada a standing ovation. Yep (all my friends probably just had a heart attack upon hearing that). I’ve long thought Posada was a bit overrated, mainly because despite being one of the best catchers in baseball, he’s consistantly failed to be clutch when they needed him, especially in the postseason. Anyway, I gave him an ovation when he tried to lay down a bunt for a hit. I couldn’t believe it. A bunt. I turned to the guys behind us and said where was that when they played the Red Sox in 04 in Game 6 when Schilling had his ankle hanging from his leg by sutures. Makes sense right?

Anyway it was like fight night at the stadium last night. Every two seconds someone was being thrown out. Probably cause half the stadium was Red Sox fans and the Yankee fans are getting desperate for wins at this point. Although almost every fight involved a girl. I guess that shouldn’t surprise me though because when you have a group of drunk girls in Red Sox jerseys sitting next to a group of drunk girls in Yankees jerseys…well you can only guess the conversation won’t be where they happen to get their manicures from.

The one thing that kept me “cool” last night were Dippin Dots. You know, the self proclaimed “Ice Cream of the Future”. Although they’ve been saying that for the last 10 years now so maybe it’s time for a new slogan! Anyway, I had never had them before, but Bridget picked me up some chocolate dots on her way back from getting a beer. And you know what, they weren’t half bad.

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Dippin Dots – The Ice Cream of the Future

The dots just melt in your mouth and they have a crunchy but soft texture to them. Definitely a tasty treat. Although Bridget nearly ate my whole dish of them. So I had to bust out the Napoleon Dynamite on her. “Gosh, get off my dots. Get your own dots. Gosh.” But pretty good stuff if you ever need a sweet treat sometime!

“We made brownies …and I think we’re dead” May 18, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in bathroom humor, breakfast, comedy, critique, eating, food, funny, humor, lunch, new york city, opinion, photos, pictures, restaurant, travel, video, world news.
24 comments

So before I “sink my teeth” into the culinary adventures I had in London, I have a funny video to share with you. Some may have saw/heard this already, but nonetheless still good for a laugh on a Friday.

Basically it’s a police officer calling 911 because he thinks he’s dying from a marijuana overdose.

Go to the Blogger version of this site to view the video

I watched this about 10 times already this morning and I keep cracking up. Love the line:

911 operator: “How much did you guys have”

Policeman: “I don’t know we made brownies. And I think we’re dead. Time is going by really really really really slow”

Hahaha. Great stuff. God bless the internet.

Anyway, onto food. England has long been known by outsiders as a culinary wasteland of sorts. A place where fish & chips was the most salvageable meal and by trying anything else you were taking a culinary risk. Well there has been a culinary revolution of sorts in recent years in England, led by the likes of Gordon Ramsey, Jamie Oliver and friends, who have tried to use their popularity and influence to put those misconceptions to rest.

After hearing all of the negative stereotypes about English cuisine I was excited to put this recent “culinary revolution” to the test. The first order of business was to sample the infamous Fish & Chips.

We stumbled upon a random pub in the Kensington area of London where we had our first meal. Firstly, for those who haven’t been to London before, the pubs are vastly different than they are here in the states. Most of the pubs are smoke filled chambers (although a smoking ban is set to go into affect in July) and most of the pubs (besides ones like The Archers where the brawl took place) are very homey, with couches and comfy chairs for patrons to sit and relax.

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The bar resembles someone’s house with spaciousness and comfort

The greatest difference between English and American pubs is there is no “table service” at an English pub. You place your food order at the bar and inform the bartender where you are sitting. When the food is ready, one of the bartenders brings the food over to you. The other difference is the fact that you rarely tip in a London bar. Unlike the states where you tip for everything, you don’t tip the bartender for pouring you a beer and you don’t tip the “waitress” for bringing your food to you. Bar workers make by and large a higher salary than bar workers in the states, so in essence they’re not really working for tips.

Anyway, back to the Fish & Chips. I was excited to sink my teeth into some local caught fried fish goodness and let me tell you I wasn’t disappointed. The batter was crisp and flaky. The fish tender and moist. Even dousing the traditional English vinegar on the fish only heightened the flavor. Normally one to pass on Tartar sauce, I couldn’t dip my fish enough. Fantastic stuff!

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I would’ve been happy eating Fish & Chips all weekend, but I’m sure my arteries would’ve hated me.

When paired with a Leffe Blond (which by the way was 10 times stronger than the Leffe here for some reason. The bartender even told me apologetically that they only serve Leffe in “half pints” since patrons normally don’t realize how much alcohol they’re consuming) the fish & chips were even tastier! Plus the breading and frying helped absorb some of the alcohol. Despite that, after two Leffe’s I was starting to feel it! Crazy!

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Just a few Leffe’s in London will give you a quick buzz

Anyway, I was happy to check that off my list as a successful culinary triumph. Breakfast we ate at the hotel since it was included in our room rate. It was the traditional full English breakfast buffet with tea, scones, danishes, muffins and beans, plus other favorites like eggs, Canadian bacon, sausage, hash browns, broiled tomatoes and toast.

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The full English breakfast in all its glory

Despite the food being tasty, especially the scones, crossaints and danishes, luckily I avoided multiple trips to the buffet since that would have led to some problems later on in the day.

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It’s a good thing there’s plenty of public toilets in London in case the full English breakfast starts fighting back!

Another bright spot on our culinary adventures was the popular chain Wagamama. Bridget had loved Wagamama when she took a trip to London last year and she was eager to try it again. Wagamama is set up cafeteria style, with long wooden tables in which you could fit at least 20 guests, including being placed next to complete strangers. Unlike traditional English restaurants, there is table service at Wagamama’s, in which the waitress/waiter takes your order on a handheld device and zaps your order to the kitchen. They also write a number down on a large piece of paper that serves as your placemat which is coded so the server knows where to place the dish. Also the food is cooked to order, meaning that as soon as it’s ready, it’s headed to your table, regardless of who got ordered what and who ordered first.

Being that I’m a fan of Pan-Asian cuisine I sunk my teeth into an order of fried Udon noodles with shrimp, chicken and all sorts of veggies. The meal was awesome and the portions were definitely very American sized.

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The portions are big and plentiful at Wagamama

We were so giddy about our meal that we were thrilled to find out that they opened a few chains in Boston. So unless you happen to be in the UK, Ireland, Australia, Belgium, Cyprus, Denmark, Netherlands, New Zealand, Turkey or even Dubai you’re shit out of luck finding them in the states other than Boston. But definitely worth a visit if you happen to be abroad.

The most shocking culinary experience in London came on a whim, when we decided to try a pizza restaurant. Refusing to visit a Pizza Slut or other chain like Domino’s, we were starving and looking for a place to eat. My sister mentioned that this place called Pizza Express was supposed to be pretty good. I was skeptical at first being that Pizza Express sounds like something you’d see in a strip mall somewhere, but being that we were on a culinary roll at that point, we figured to give it a shot. Walking into the place it smelled really good which only added to our anticipation to eat. I don’t know if it was because we were starving or not, but the pizza was actually very, very good. We had this four cheese pizza that was fantastic, especially when paired with this light Italian White wine we had ordered. It was so good that we actually ordered a third pie after polishing off the first two.

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The surprisingly good pizza at Pizza Express

By and large we never had a bad meal once in London. Even the late night Burger King we got to absorb the alcohol we drank was decent. I’m happy to report that the culinary revolution is well underway in London, and that you don’t need to eat at a top notch restaurant to get good food in England anymore. I don’t think any meal cost us more than 40 pounds in total, and that included three of us with plenty to eat and drink. Converted to American dollars, that would be about $85-$90 dollars, which is still very reasonable considering bottles of wine or multiple beers are involved. Although when you’re only paying 30-40 pounds for the entire meal split three ways, it feels very, very affordable!

Terrible call…just terrible May 8, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in asshole of the day, baseball, breakfast, coffee, comedy, common sense, critique, current events, eating, food, funny, humor, nostaglia, opinion, photos, pictures, random references, sports, stupidity, television, video, yankees.
26 comments

So last night I was at the Yankees game with Bridget, Paul and Juliana (thanks to Juliana for getting corporate seats for last night’s game that were only 13 rows off the field allowing me to scalp my meager bleacher seats). In typical Yankees fashion they failed to score any runs with runners in scoring position, leaving the bases loaded once and leaving 6 runners in scoring position for the game. Just one hit in that situation would have yielded at least one run – but clutch this team is not.

Anyway, they actually got a decent pitching performance from their rookie starter Matt DeSalvo, who went 7 strong innings, only giving up 1 run on 3 hits (2 of which came in the first inning). Nursing a 2-1 lead in the 8th, Kyle Farnsworth came on to pitch. With two outs, Jose Vidro hit a cheap ground ball up the middle just past the reach of Jeter. Willie Bloomquist came on as a pinch runner for Vidro. What happened next will go down as one of the worst calls in major league history – and I was there to witness it first hand.

Bloomquist tried to steal second. Posada’s throw was on line and Robinson Cano applied the tag in plenty of time to tag out the stealing Bloomquist. However the umpire called him safe.

Safe.

Take a look at this picture.

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How many feet was he out by? Three? Four? And he was called safe.

You can view the video recap of the game to see the replays

Granted the game is played at full speed, but still, it was plainly obvious to everyone in the stadium that he was out by a mile. Even using the cardinal rule of “the ball beating the player” would have been excuse enough to call him out. But come on dude that wasn’t a hard one to make. It wasn’t even close to being a “bang bang” play. The umpire, Gerry Davis, flat out blew the call. Mr. Davis will now go down in infamy as making one of the worst umpiring calls in recent memory. Right there along with the infamous Don Denkinger call in game 6 of the 1985 World Series between the Cardinals and the Royals that ultimately cost the Cardinals the game and the series.

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There’s also a famous portrait out there that shows an ump making a safe call at first when the player was out by a few feet. It wasn’t a Normal Rockwell, but something similar. Despite searching this “wealth of information” we call the “internet”, alas I can’t find shit on it. But I used to have the damn picture so I know it exists. Maybe I’ll have to dig it up tonight at my parent’s house.

Anyway, back to the game. Much to my surprise, Don Mattingly, who was filling in as manager due to a suspended Joe Torre, didn’t come out to argue the call. Cano hopped away thinking he made the tag but didn’t raise a fuss. The call was that bad it was shocking. But the Yankees lack any fire and passion this season so they didn’t argue the call. If I were them I’d be hopping mad. I’d scream in the umps face. Make him throw me out. But nope, they went along with their “gentlemanly play”. If that was Paul O’Neill out there he would’ve argued until they carried him off with police escorts. Same with Billy Martin or Lou Pinella. But nope…this team has a much passion as a quilting night at a senior citizens home.

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You know damn well Zimmer would’ve protested the call last night, helmet and all

Granted, the call was completely terrible, but you got to score more runs than 2, especially with the offense the Yankees have.

But the game will be remembered for the bad call. Even if it’s “only May” and the call was not made in a crucial playoff or World Series game thus it may not get the attention it deserves. But it should. Because it should go down as one of the worst baseball calls of all time.

Thankfully for my own sanity I had the salvation of a Starbucks Iced Cinnamon Dolce Latte this morning to put me in a better mood. That, along with an Apple Fritter (with its 0 grams of fat – its much better than it looks btw!), made my morning much cheerier thanks to the impending sugar rush that came along with the meal. Oh Iced Cinnamon Dolce Latte with Whipped Cream, how do I love thee, let me count the ways!

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Post Blog Note: Apparently umpire Gerry Davis admitted to blowing the call.

“The throw was to the first-base side and pulled Robinson toward me a little bit, so I couldn’t see the runner’s hands. Normally when the runner is tagged on his backside, his hands are at the bag. That obviously wasn’t the case tonight,” Davis said.

Umm…yeah, but how do you miss something that far off? I mean it would be different if Bloomquist was closer to the bag, but the ump “assumed” that the runner was safe because the tag came on his legs. Come on. Umpiring 101 says you need to watch the play or get in position to make a call. Not just assume that because the tag was on his legs the runner was safe. Especially when he was 4 feet off the bag. Bushleague.

Part of a nutritious breakfast May 4, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in breakfast, coffee, comedy, common sense, critique, eating, food, funny, humor, nostaglia, opinion, photos, pictures, rachel ray, random references, sarcasm, television, weird.
38 comments

Growing up we all saw those “nutritious breakfast” commercials. Where the mother and children are sitting at the kitchen table and the children have a whole smorgasbord of food in front of him to start their day off right. You know the whole “part of a nutritious breakfast” plugs that the cereal companies normally advertised. The ones that contained:

The bowl of cereal

The slice of toast

The scrambled eggs

The glass of OJ

The apple or orange

The occasional slice of bacon

I have to say as I child I tried to have a nutritious breakfast each day before school. Normally it was a bowl of cereal since that was the quickest and easiest. But it wasn’t your healthy cereal, like Corn Flakes or Bran Flakes or Raisin Bran or Chex. Nope, my fat ass wanted the Golden Grahams, the Cinnamon Toast Crunch, the Crunchberries, the Count Chocula or the Frosted Flakes that were always being advertised. Two scoops of raisins? Wheat and corn double sided Chex? Nigga please. More like 10 scoops of sugar for me. The more sugar, the better! Or if I was running late and needed to run out of the door quickly, the pack of sugar laded Pop Tarts more than did the trick.

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Cereals such as Fruit Brute and Post Mortems are all part of your child’s nutritious breakfast

On weekends? Well my friends, that was time for cholesterol heaven. My weekend breakfast courtesy of my dad or grandmother was either fried salami and eggs or corned beef hash and eggs or butter laden French toast. All the healthy stuff that sits in your stomach all day never to be digested.

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Nothing says healthy breakfast like a side serving of Corned Beef Hash

But these days who has time for healthy and nutritious breakfasts? I mean most of us are on the go, eating whatever is quickest and most convenient. Myself included. My breakfast mostly consists of a deli bought egg & cheese or toasted bialy/bagel. Or if I’m in a rush, the cup of tea and donut/buttered roll from the street vendor. Hardly the breakfast of champions, I know. Hell, even Rachel Ray herself, the queen of the quick meal, now endorses Dunkin Donuts, who basically make a living promoting breakfast on the go.

So the other day I actually got up early enough to make myself a “nutritious” breakfast. Shocking, even for myself. But since I’m the “omelet master” thanks to my days being a short-order cook at a Bagel shop up by Marist, I can whip up breakfast fairly quickly. So I whipped up a one-egg yolk/two egg white omelet (less yolks means less of that cholesterol nonsense everyone’s worried about these days) with cheddar cheese. For my “meat” requirement I sizzled up two slices of South Beach Diet approved Turkey Bacon. And I even was able to add in the quintessential breakfast “must-haves” in the way of Soy Chocolate milk and a healthy glass of OJ.

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I could’ve filmed one of those “healthy breakfast” commercials with the meal I whipped up

But unfortunately I eat these types of breakfasts too few and far between. But I take comfort knowing that I’m not alone. I did a Google search this am on nutritious breakfast. And I found some good ones I’d like to share with you today. After all, wasn’t Friday always “show and tell” day at school? Although I think they banned show & tell in my elementary school once one kid pulled down his pants and said this is what my daddy told me to show the girls to impress them. Ok, maybe the kid just pulled down his pants and didn’t say anything. But either way, show & tell was banned ok??? Anyway, here are some delicious breakfast ideas sure to get your day off to a fast moving start!

1. Everything you could ever need to get your day off to a great start. Once you’ve filled your stomach with eggs, bacon, sausage and the all-important tator tots, then you can move onto the glazed scone, muffins and french toast sticks. This my friends is what breakfast is all about!
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2. Stack em high and stack em proud! Nothing says “get me ready for a light day on my feet” more than a short stack of pancakes. Add the extra syrup for a sugar rush and you’re ready to pound the pavement!
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3. Sunny side up egg, toast, 2 sausage links, 2 slices of bacon. Oh hell yeah – that’s breakfast! But wait…don’t forget about the grilled tomato, the vegetable puree, the homefries patty and the sauteed mushrooms! Nothing says breakfast like mushrooms!
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4. Umm….yeah…not sure where this fits into the traditional American breakfast of carbs and cholesterol. Fruit? That’s for wussies! Portion control? What’s that? Everything about this breakfast is a big thumbs down. Except for the fish. Besides, what’s more quicker and convenient than chewing on a raw fish for breakfast! Plus it fills your daily need for fish oils!
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5. Now, that’s more like it! Eggs benedict! That quintessential American breakfast. The creamy, fat filled Hollandaise sauce. The indigestion-bearing Canadian Bacon. The poached eggs and English Muffin. Yum-O! Add in a side of home fries and if you must, some melon, and my friends you’re ready to take on the world and go shopping for that skin-tight bathing suit for the summer! Make sure to down a few Bloody Mary’s before you go so you’re extra-skinny when you try on that two-piece or that speedo!
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Look out below! April 24, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in breakfast, critique, eating, food, funny, humor, new york city, opinion, pedestrian behavior, subways, travel.
22 comments

So for those who take the 6 train south of 42nd (Grand Central) you know that the train conductors love to whip the train around the corner leaving 42nd street on the way to 33rd (that’s also when the train shifts from Lexington avenue to Park avenue). Anyway, most “straphangers” are ill-prepared for the train whipping around the corner and almost without fail, every day someone loses their balance and smashes into other people. Most people end up bracing themselves against getting toppled over and after the train straightens, everyone is back to their normal standing positions. However despite years of seeing people get tossed around like rag dolls, I’ve never seen anyone get knocked over – until today.

This unassuming young male, about 5’8” and big build was standing against the subway door nonchalantly. There were several older women, very short (probably no taller than 5’1”) standing in front of him. As the train doors closed, the train sped out of the station and around the aforementioned corner. The young male went flying forward at the force of the turn, smashing against the older women. One woman grabbed a bar to brace herself, the other wasn’t as lucky as she went crashing to her knees. The young man felt terrible and lifted the lady up after the train straightened. It was hard not to laugh, albeit I felt bad for the old lady….but it’s one of those “train wreck” moments (no pun intended) you can help but chuckle at. Anyway no one was injured and there were smiles all around afterwards. Why is that “blogworthy”? Well it’s really not…except that it made me laugh – so thus it’s blogworthy.

Anyway, I’ve finally gotten over my disappointment about the blank Good Humor bar I received on Sunday. Since there was no considerable taste difference between the etched bar and the non-etched bar I guess I can’t really complain about it too much…except that the fun was sucked out of the experience.

Speaking of experiences, I came across this article on CNN.com this am titled “Say Yes to SoNo”. I was like, they can’t be talking about South Norwalk, CT could they? Well after clicking on the article the answer was yes.

While I agree South Norwalk has a hip scene with cool restaurants and trendy places galore, what the article FAILS to mention is that there is not ONE place to eat breakfast there on a weekend morning. Think I’m kidding? When Coogan, Charlie, Dan and I went to the MAAC Tournament championship in Bridgeport, CT in March we went looking for places to eat on Sunday am. Since we hung out in SoNo on Saturday night at the Black Bear Saloon, we figured there must be some diner or other breakfast place open given how alive the scene was on that Sat. night? Nope. There were like two gourmet coffee shops serving coffee and imported chocolates.

Any bagel place? Nope. Donut shop? Nada. Diner? Fuggetaboutit. We drove and walked around for an hour with not a place to eat in site. And this wasn’t at 9am mind you. Nope. This was at noon. Noon. As in lunch time. As in hello you have 20 bars and not one of them is open for lunch on a Sunday? Ridiculous. For an “up and coming” neighborhood to want to be taken seriously as a residential option that is piss poor. Yeah, it’s great for those “out of towners” who want to visit for the restaurants and trendy/gourmet scene. But good luck if you happen to be stuck there overnight and want something to eat besides imported chocolate from Bulgaria.

Anyway, sorry to go off on a side rant there. I’m getting “cabin fever” sitting inside on another gorgeous day. It’s hard to be funny or concentrate on work when it’s 70+ degrees outside and you’re stuck inside cubicle heaven. Then again millions of us out there are stuck in the same world. Trapped. On days like this I’m actually tremendously jealous of Heather Armstrong from Dooce. Why? Because she makes $70,000 a year just by blogging. From home.

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If I was a stay at home paid blogger I’d probably look something like this

Don’t believe me? Check out her site. She makes a ton of money off advertising on her blog. She’s a stay at home mother and supports her and her family through her blog. Must be nice right? And honestly, while I like her tone and her style, I don’t think her blog is one of the “best things I’ve ever read” on a day-to-day basis. But don’t tell that to the thousands of mothers who read her blog and follow her word like it’s the gospel. Am I bitter? Just a little. Wouldn’t you be if you basically know that there are people out there who make a great living just by sitting at home on their ass writing about nothing in particular while you toil away in “work” land?