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Lady…it wouldn’t kill ya… May 24, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in American Idol, asshole of the day, common sense, critique, current events, dancing, eating, food, funny, humor, new york city, opinion, pedestrian behavior, racquetball, random references, sarcasm, stupidity, subways.

So last night I got on the uptown 4 train at Bowling Green and at Wall St. this rather “weighty” (to say it politely) lady sat next to me. She sat down with a bag of McDonalds on her lap and starting eating. At this point I was starving having just played racquetball for almost 2 hours so the smell of fries and burgers was making my stomach grumble. She opens the bag and I peer in. She had like 4 quarter pounders with cheese and an overflowing portion of fries. I tried not to stare as she devoured fries and burgers.

Anyway, at 14th street, a very skinny and sickly looking homeless man came onto the train looking for some change or food. I actually had no bills smaller than $20 lest I would have given him some change. The lady, seeing that the man was approaching, stuffed a hunk of burger in her mouth and rolled up her bag of McDonald’s. Not sure if the guy saw her or not but as he politely asked her if she could spare some change or food, she shook her head no as she tried to chew her food slowly. The guy stared at her for a few seconds and then walked away.

I mean really…lady…it wouldn’t kill you to spare one of the burgers in your bag. Unless you were bringing it home for your family…which it appeared that you weren’t, I think you could’ve done without an extra cheeseburger. I mean I’m sure the 2,000 calories you already downed with the burgers and fries didn’t come close to filling you up. But if you ever even complained about being fat…well…now you know why.

I looked at her in disbelief and disgust. A guy across from me looked at me and shook his head and we smiled. Cause he was thinking the same thing I was. You fucking fat ass…spare a fucking cheeseburger… (at least I think that’s what he was thinking – it was what I was thinking). Anyway, its a good thing I had my “inner voice” working lest I would have created a messy situation. And that wouldn’t have been good.

Anyway, been stuck in a land of work today so many apologies for the late blog. That and I’m heading to Nashville tomorrow for a work event. Maybe I’ll run into my girl Gretchen and she can show me a rootin tootin good time down there! Although I’ll need to download some country onto my iPod to get me caught up on the latest country hits. And I may have to have Bridget give me some quick line dancing lessons. I wouldn’t want to be the only one not doing the “Boot Scootin’ Boogie” at the bar!

“Oh get down, turn around go to town boot scootin’ boogie”

Anyway…sorry for the short and sweet post for now…I’ll try to give y’all something good before we hit the holiday weekend!

Oh and btw…about American Idol…TOLD YOU SO! America loves a crier!


American “Idle” May 23, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in American Idol, baseball, celebrities, common sense, critique, current events, football, funny, humor, music, NFL, opinion, photos, pictures, random references, sarcasm, television, world news.

So I’m probably the only person in America (or the world for that matter) who didn’t watch American Idol last night. Well make that Bridget & I since we went to grab dinner at the Barking Dog. We got back at 9:15 and I flipped on Fox to see some guy giving a monologue type performance on stage. Then I remembered Idol started at 8 not 9. Oops. Oh well…I’m sure I didn’t miss much and I don’t really need to watch tonight to know who wins. Cause I know. It’s Jordin Sparks.

How do I know? Well the two best female singers got knocked out already in LaKisha and Doolittle, and Blake is basically playing the Clay Aiken to Jordin’s Kelly Clarkson winning role. I read online this morning that she even shed a tear while singing the new Idol single – “This is my now” or something like that.

So she pretty much just wrapped it up. America loves a crier.

I won’t be watching tonight. I have better things to do. Like laundry. That and I won’t be voting either. Mainly because I can’t vote for Jordin. Why…because I’m a Dallas Cowboys fan and her dad, Phillippi played for the Giants. Although Sparks did play one season for the Boys in 2000, hauling in 5 INTs. Although they didn’t win the Super Bowl that year and by and large he was a Giants player for his whole career. So can’t root for the enemy and thus can’t vote for her. Sorry Jordin. Although you’re gonna win anyway. Sorry to ruin the surprise for everyone.

IF I did have to vote…I’d vote for Gretchen Wilson.

My “Idol” vote goes to Gretchen Wilson

And don’t give me this bullshit that you can’t vote for someone else besides the final two. I’m voting for Gretchen simply because her song “All Jacked Up” has popped into my head more than any other song over the past few months. So I’m basing my decision on that.

Don’t know the song? You should get to know it. It’s a boot stomping, head nodding, rootin-tootin good tune. Great also for working out in the gym and perfect for sculpting those abs for the summer. I think it should be the official song of the Jersey Shore for the summer. Hell, maybe even the MLB should adopt it in a new marketing campaign.

Bonds will star in the new MLB Marketing Campaign – “All Jacked Up”

Makes perfect sense, since all of the players have gotten “Jacked” over the past 10 years off steriods and human growth hormones.

Actually I think I may even go ahead and produce the marketing video for them. Would be pretty easy to do. You could just flash before and after pictures of Bonds, McGwire, Canseco, Giambi, Sosa, etc. You can start out with them as they came into the league, skinny and non-muscular and show pictures of them downing vitamins or injecting the HGH into their asses gradually becoming bigger and bigger. All while “All Jacked Up” plays in the background. Not a bad concept…maybe I should get a job in marketing someday 😉

Rock the Vote April 19, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in American Idol, opinion, top blog candidate.

As we come closer to the one-year anniversary of “What Pushes My Buttons”, I’d like to take this opportunity to thank all those who have been loyal readers of my blog over the past year. Whether you’re an active participant in the discussion or just a casual observer, I hope that you’ve enjoyed your reading experience here thus far and at the very least have gotten a few laughs out of it along the way.

If your the kinda person who notices “tags” on blogs, you’ll notice that certain postings have been tagged “top blog candidate”. These are the posts I believe to be the funniest (or most distasteful) writings that have appeared on this blog so far. But that’s just in my humble opinion. It’s time for you to decide on that.

We’re looking for you to vote on the post that made you laugh the hardest. Or nearly throw up on your desk. Or simply shake your head in disbelief. In the spirit of American Idol, YOU have the chance to decide.

What does the winning post get? Well, frankly not much, other than the distinction of being voted as posting of the year. What do you get? Well, frankly even less, other than the chance to voice your opinion. And these days, who doesn’t want to voice their opinion!

So without further adieu, here are the candidates for the 1st annual What Pushes My Buttons Post of the Year (drum roll please):

Those are your candidates for “WPMB blog posting of the year”. To vote in this all-important “election” please go to: WhatPushesMyButtons.blogspot.com. On the right column of the page will be the voting box.

Go ahead. Rock the Vote!

What a relief! April 11, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in American Idol, celebrities, critique, current events, funny, humor, movies, opinion, photos, pictures, rats, sarcasm, television, world news.

Whew! In case you haven’t heard, according to DNA testing Larry Birkhead was declared to be Dannielynn’s father (Anne Nicole Smith’s daughter)! Thank god that ordeal is over with, I was so sick and tired of being questioned about my relationship with Anna Nicole. I mean, so we shared one wild and drunken night downing a bottle of Hypnotiq and popping some Trim Spa. That was like 7 years ago! Get over it. It was impossible for me to be the father!! Fuckin idiots.

Anna after our night of partying several years ago. I told ya I wasn’t the baby’s daddy!

Anyway, I happened to catch the tail end of American Idol last night. I really haven’t watched the show in a few seasons (ever since I called the whole Taylor Hicks winning season in my very first blog). I caught Sanjaya’s song and the recap of the other contestants. Even though I know there’s the whole “keep Sanjaya on even though he sucks conspiracy”, I gotta say he wasn’t that bad last night. The song suited him perfectly, even with that porn star moustache he was flaunting last night.

If Idol doesn’t work out, Sanjay can appear in some sleazy Cuban mafia movies

In the recaps, I wasn’t really wowed with the other performers. Then again, J-Lo was their “teacher” this week, and we’ve seen the great decisions she’s made with her life recently! First there was Gigli and now she’s married to a rat.

I don’t think J-Lo is qualified to give advice given the decisions she’s made in life recently

I would say the last good thing J-Lo’s done was star in the Wedding Planner. Although Matt McConaughy really stole that movie from her. And the only reason I’d say she was “good” in that movie was the one line she had about M&M’s: “I only eat the brown ones because they’re pure” (which is much funnier when I say it in my Rosie Perez accent from White Men Can’t Jump).

Anyway, if I had to pick my American Idol favorite this season based on the auditions and the little that I’ve seen of the show, I’d go with the beat boxing Blake (who doesn’t love a beat-boxer!). Especially with the popularity of J.T. right now, Blake could be riding Justin’s coat tails a bit. I know LaKiesha and Melinda are the two most talented singers, although can you see the American public voting in a “Doo-little” as their Idol? Dunno about that. Anyway, Sanjaya wasn’t half bad last night so I think that the conspiracy phenomenon definitely lives on this week. Especially after Simon gave him a disgruntled, half-hearted “that wasn’t so bad” feedback on his performance. I think either Richardson goes or the girl who was wearing close to nothing goes But then again I haven’t really followed the show this season so I don’t know who is getting the “popular” vote.

Beat boxing flute player February 16, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in American Idol, humor.

Ok so now that that beatboxer is through on American Idol to the top 24, it seems beatboxing is back in the limelight. Justin Timberlake is the only one recently to beat box in the public eye, but now with this guy Blake in the American Idol fold, it seems we may get more beatboxers, like this guy who beatboxes with the flute while playing the theme to Inspector Gadget.

Pretty cool i guess…although he’s no Mid-Range from Showtime at the Apollo’s amateur night who won multiple weeks in a row by beatboxing, playing the trumpet and rapping. Never seen a white guy get an ovation like that at the apollo. Then again, it’s half white in the crowd there now, so the Apollo management is basically just a bunch of sellouts. But if I can ever find that Midrange clip I’ll post it here.

Back from the World of Guns January 19, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in American Idol, food, humor, video.
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So I’m finally back from Orlando…after spending a week at the SHOT Show, which is the annual trade show devoted to all things outdoors. Guns, Ammo, Apparel, you name it. It’s a hunter’s paradise with everything from rifles, shotguns to binocs and decoys. Plus you get to play with things…it was cool picking up a $5,000 shotgun since I’ve probably only held a $5 beebee gun before!

Anyway, not that i’m turning into a redneck, but after a full week at the show i’m trying not to talk with a twing. It’s an infectious accent really. Plus can’t tell some of these people I’m a Yankee…wouldn’t be good for business 🙂

Anyway met a chef down there who was cooking up some treats. He had Elk steaks in a blueberry marmalade sauce. Really, really good. And some Venison steaks as well. Good stuff. He said he’s the best wild game chef in the country. Although we have a few good ones on staff at Field & Stream. So now I’m working on creating an Iron Chef style smackdown involving Wild Game. Actually we’re gonna pull Mario Batali into it as well since we did a feature on him and he’s a big Wild Game guy. If I can help pull that off this will be awesome. Plus I want to be a judge. hah.

Anyway besides that haven’t had much time to blog, let alone think these days…but hopefully i’ll be able to catch up with y’all soon (there goes the twang again). I’m supposed to fly out to Seattle on business soon so that’ll be cool. Especially since American Idol aired with the first two episodes in Seattle. Got me more in the mood to go out there and watch some salmon getting tossed around at the market.
Idol was Funny stuff if you haven’t seen it. The best parts are always the first few episodes. I nearly pissed my pants at some of these people. If you haven’t seen it you can check out some of the recap here:

Welcome to the first of hopefully many blogs… May 11, 2006

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in American Idol, celebrities, critique, music.

Welcome to the first of hopefully many blogs on my often comical, many times nonsensical musings on life, what “pushes my buttons” and my general observations of people.

Despite the crappy weather, today is actually a good day so far. No one cut me off walking to work through Grand Central. No one pushed, shoved and argued on the train. Maybe the gloomy weather works like Zoloft, keeps everyone sedated.

OH, and I would like to officially go on record saying I completely called the whole Chris Daughtry getting voted off American Idol thing. Yep, called that when the final 20 or so was announced months ago. He’s the most talented person on the show by far, but I had a feeling he wasn’t gonna make it. Here’s why:

a) Winning Idol would be a great honor, but not great for a rock career. He would become too “poppy” and have to appeal to too broad of a range of people, rather than just concentrating on being a rocker (ie: Kelly Clarkson).

b) The “early gray” vote goes to Taylor…yep, all of those who turn grey at an early age who don’t resort to using hair coloring, they are a powerful voting body. More powerful than you would think. I mean Taylor can sing somewhat ok and has “charisma”, but can you see him doing anything else with his career besides touring with Michael McDonald and singing “Taking it to the streets”? I didn’t think so.

c) Katharine, being the only girl, gets the all important perv and feminist vote. Case in point, a few older males in my office who are obvious pervs drool over Katherine. Despite her messing up words or “butchering songs” like Kelly Pickler, men drool over her. Especially when she lays on the floor singing some hippy song by a obvious Joss Stone wannabe…K.T. whatever your name is…Black horse in a cherry tree? That was obviously appealing to the lesbian vote. And being the only female left obviously she’s getting the feminist/women’s right vote. Oh and side note, when she was standing behind the judges signing “Hound dog” by Elvis, notice how Simon didn’t turn around. Paula basically eye humped her and Randy gave a half enthused/half wish I was still in Journey clap. Simon stared straight ahead. Knowing full well that she was gonna win this damn thing despite what mean things he can say about her during judging.

d) The alien vote…goes to Elliot. Just saying the name Elliot sounds like you’re saying Elliot from the movie E.T. Ell e ut. Ell e ut. Don’t get me wrong, the boy can sing, but can he sell out stadiums across the country? I know he gets some sympathy for his tough upbringing and being deaf in his ears, but who’s gonna remember him next year after he releases one record like Ruben Studdard did and gets mediocre air play. Btw, I do like that Ruben “Sorry” song, even if they only played it on WBLS. (That’s the Black Listening Service FM channel from those not from NYC).

So how does this play out? Well vocally, Kat is technically the strongest followed by Elliot and Taylor. But unless Kat steals some of the rocker/I can’t believe how hot Chris Daughtry is – his wife is soooo screwed when he makes it big vote that is now up for graps, I say Idol is going grey….

That ends today’s blogging day…

As my old Junior High School Assistant Principal used to sign off on the loudspeaker…. “Be kind to each other out there”.