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Finally a bill worth passing! November 12, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in animals, brooklyn, common sense, current events, football, new york city, opinion, pedestrian behavior, politics, sports, world news.
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Firstly…how bout them Cowboys! Big win for the boys over the weekend knocking off the Giants, who basically spent the last 4 weeks playing Junior Varsity. Glad they finally got knocked back to earth.

Now, onto the news of the day. I read in AM New York this morning that Councilman Simcha Felder from Brooklyn is looking to put a ban on feeding pigeons.

As reported here back in July, pigeons have become bigger and nastier in recent days. I reported that due to steriod based grass fertilizers, pigeons have been on a eating spree, gobbling up as much steriod infused seeds as they can get their beaks on. Also it’s well known that pigeon shit is highly acidic and causes the rotting and decay of our bridges, buildings and infrastructure.


A pigeon performing a “shit and run” in NYC

So this bill would effectively ban all feeding of pigeons. Furthermore the bill calls for the creation of a “pigeon czar to be held accountable for all the city’s pigeon-related complaints”.

Now if the city had any brains at all they’d appoint me pigeon czar. Just give me a shotgun and I’d effectively end the pigeon overpopulation problem for good. And anyone caught feeding a pigeon would be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

What would that punishment be? I’d unleash a gang of ugly, unruly pigeons, lock them in the offender’s house or apartment for a week, feeding them nothing but Ex-Lax and Metamusil. I’d lock the violator in the house as well, leaving them to defend themselves against the shit fueled rage that would transpire. Then after the week was up, I’d “humanely execute” all of the pigeons in the house leaving the homeowner to clean up the mess of shit and pigeon carcasses. I bet your bottom dollar that the violator of pigeon law would never, ever feed a pigeon ever again!

If they did violate a second time….they would be met with death. No questions asked.

Think I’m the only one with these thoughts? Think again.

Take a look at the Royal Society for the Preservation of Pigeon Killing, which is better known as KillthePigeons.com

There’s countless stories on this site of how pigeons destroy our every day lives and also reports on the “heros” who help rid the world of pesky pigeons.

Are you sick of pigeons shitting on your new coat the first time you wear it? Are you tired of having to dodge swarms of pigeons on the street as soon as someone so much as feeds them a small piece of bread? Speak up. Support Councilman Felder’s proposal ban on pigeon feeding! Join the cause and let’s keep the damn pigeon population under control!

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Comments»

1. roger - November 12, 2007

dude you fucking rock! you would be an awesome pigeon czar!

2. janet - November 12, 2007

locking someone in a house with pigeons fed nothing but Ex-Lax and Metamusil. could you imagine? that would be soo gross

3. Mr. Blogger - November 12, 2007

All hail the Pigeon Czar!

4. trent - November 12, 2007

fuck the pigeons…those worthless pieces of shit!

5. gary - November 12, 2007

If they did violate a second time….they would be met with death. No questions asked.

DEATH TO THE PIGEON FEEDERS!

THE CZAR HAS SPOKEN!!!

6. candice - November 12, 2007

hahaha kill the pigeons .com hahaha…nice. that’s funny. they are gross birds. soooo annoying too, all they do is shit and beg!

7. tiffany - November 12, 2007

you’re really fucked up sometimes.

but i love it! 🙂

death to the pigeon feeders! haha

8. keywork. - November 12, 2007

Once elected, I plan, with your support, Chris, to implement this policy nationwide along with a similar program directed towards squirrels and their feeders. Keywork in 08!

hello, Tiffany.

9. howie - November 12, 2007

haha keywork…eliminate squirrels and pigeons! nicely done…although I’m sure you won’t be getting the PETA vote!

10. victor - November 12, 2007

you should add to the punishment being forced to watch nothing but pigeon documentaries too

11. keywork. - November 12, 2007

will do Victor, I always enjoy input from the good people of this country.

12. cdp - November 12, 2007

Fuck the Cowboys.

Oh, and hi Chris! Hope you’re having a great day!

13. tiffany - November 13, 2007

hello my little furry four pawed friend! 🙂

14. keywork. - November 13, 2007

sorry I missed you, Tiff. Nice to hear from you again. (raccoon noises)

15. Laurie Kendrick - November 13, 2007

Hey CJ,

Ignoring The Laurie?? You don’t call, you don’t write!! Don’t worry about me, I’ll just sit here alone in the dark, shivering in the cold while I plunge the dagger in my heart.

See? I AM Jewish!!!

LK

16. mklasing - November 13, 2007

Hello all–up here in Michigan taking a deposition of a witness and felt I needed a break to hail the Pigeon Czar.

True story–my greatest moment of bravery—Walking back from Court one day in 1996 I was passing through a courtyard full of pigeons. As they began to fly away-one brave pigeon was flying right towards me. In a scared attempt to scare him I waved my arm and fist towards it. Much to my surprise I nailed him right in the gut sending him head over talons in the air and to the ground were he landed on his neck-breaking it and he died.

Pigeons 478,455 Murphy 1

17. Chris - November 13, 2007

LK – you are jewish 100000000%. I’m sorry I’ve been neglectful…I’ve been working my ass off recently…it’s the holiday crunch to get plans into clients hands for 2008. I hope to have more time to come and play soon. 🙂

Murphy: awesome! it’s tough to punch a charging pigeon in the gut…that’s like trying to hit Bald Bull during his charge in Mike Tyson’s Punch Out! Nicely done…did the pigeon have stars over his head before dying?

CDP: well hello there my friend! Sorry I’ve been a neglectful reader (see above). I’ll come by shortly.

18. mklasing - November 13, 2007

It did–there were little cartoon stars dancing in a circle–it was awesome and odd at the same time. I would have felt bad–if I cared a flip about pigeons–but oh yeah, I hate them.


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