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Ain’t no bagel worth no $1,000 November 8, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in common sense, critique, current events, eating, food, humor, new york city, opinion, stupidity, world news.
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Na ah. A bagel worth one large? Fuggetaboutit.

But it’s the truth son.

Some fancy pants chef created this so called “$1,000 bagel” using white truffle cream cheese and goji berry infused Riesling jelly with golden leaves. Say what?

The bagel is the brainchild of chef Frank Tujague of The Westin New York hotel. Apparently proceeds from the bagel go to some foundation for aspiring chefs. But regardless could you imagine just asking for a bagel and cream cheese and having to whip out 10 benjamins to pay for it? Grandma Ruthie would have a heart attack. I mean a bagel with lox these days is expensive enough!

But, $1,000 for a bagel is just a drop in the bucket compared to this $25,000 hot chocolate!

Apparently this hot chocolate served at Seredipity (where else) called a “Frrozen Haute Chocolate,” is a mixture of 28 types of cocoas, 14 which apparently are the “most expensive and exotic from around the globe”. I’m sorry, but I didn’t realize there were more exotic brands of hot chocolate than Ghirardelli. Fuck, I don’t think I get much more fancy than the 60 pack of Swiss Miss.

If that’s not enough, the dessert is “infused with 5 grams (0.2 ounces) of edible 23-karat gold and served in a goblet lined with edible gold. At the base of the goblet is an 18-karat gold bracelet with 1 carat of white diamonds. The sundae is topped with whipped cream covered with more gold and a side of La Madeline au Truffle from Knipschildt Chocolatier, which sells for $2,600 a pound.”

Oh and to top it off, “it is eaten with a gold spoon decorated with white and chocolate-colored diamonds, which can also be taken home.”

What the fuck. That shit better give you an instant orgasm in your pants and better get you laid all night…especially after paying $25k for that shit! You know how many women you can get at one time with $25k??? (Wait before you answer that, I forgot that’s not even a drop in the bucket apparently at Scores, where that poor bastard ran up a $250,000 tab a few years back). How the fuck did he do that again?

And I’m sorry…if I’m buying my significant other a bracelet with 1 carat of white diamonds, I sure as hell ain’t covering that shit in any chocolate or whipped cream. Talk about devalueing a piece of jewelry. Do that with a piece of shit piece of jewelry you buy at the mall or at Spencer’s Gifts that ain’t cost more than $1.

Ridiculous. Really. There’s millions of starving people out there, and assholes are buying desserts and bagels for thousands of dollars. No wonder why so many people hate Americans.

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Comments»

1. trent - November 8, 2007

” I’m sorry, but I didn’t realize there were more exotic brands of hot chocolate than Ghirardelli. Fuck, I don’t think I get much more fancy than the 60 pack of Swiss Miss.”

dude you crack me the fuck up sometimes…haha

2. roger - November 8, 2007

what the fuck??? seriously…no fucking way!

3. candice - November 8, 2007

the only reisling i want is drinkable in a bottle!

4. nincompoop - November 8, 2007

That shit better give you an instant orgasm in your pants and better get you laid all night…especially after paying $25k for that shit

fuck getting laid all night, i’d ask for a year’s worth of blow jobs!

5. Mr. Blogger - November 8, 2007

“it is eaten with a gold spoon decorated with white and chocolate-colored diamonds, which can also be taken home.”

thanks for the parting gift!

6. howie - November 8, 2007

haha instant orgasm, nice! actually my date better be giving me a bj under the table while i’m eating it.

7. tiffany - November 8, 2007

my my guys, don’t you know it takes a lot more than $25k to get a girl to give you a bj on the first date!

ha, just kidding of course.

for the record i would put out like a fiend after a dessert like that. i’d do stuff with that spoon you’d be proud to tell your friends about 😉

8. trevor - November 8, 2007

woah tiff, umm…i think it just got a little warm in my office! haha

9. nincompoop - November 8, 2007

care to indulge us with some details tiffany?…

10. brent - November 8, 2007

i’ll never look at a spoon quite the same way again!

11. janet - November 8, 2007

yes, please indulge us tiffany! 🙂

12. tiffany - November 8, 2007

let’s just say bill clinton’s got nothing on me 🙂

13. nincompoop - November 8, 2007

ah, tiff…you’re such a prude! haha 😉

14. tiffany - November 8, 2007

prude?? hardly. in fact, didn’t you guys see me in the movie private parts?

15. frank - November 8, 2007

wait…what???? no….fuckin….way….

16. bubba - November 8, 2007

personally, i’d violate that 1,000 dollar bagel. yep, just give it the ole’ american pie treatment. that would be worth the grand to me!

17. keywork. - November 8, 2007

I remember Tiff, you were the one with boobs, right?

18. The Bagel of Everything - November 8, 2007

I’ll have you know I got $1000 for myself just last night!

I love drunk horney frat boys

19. chris - November 8, 2007

ha yeah i meant to say ain’t no bagel worth no $1k but you…bagel 😉

20. keywork. - November 8, 2007

that’s daddy’s girl! always sell high, unless you have to sell low.

21. The Bagel of Everything - November 8, 2007

that’s daddy’s girl! always sell high, unless you have to sell low.

I prefer to sell to the high. When I’m high I tend to barter for shiny objects and nacho flavored snacks.

22. keywork. - November 8, 2007

same here, same here.

23. Cody - November 9, 2007

Who wants a bagel with gold leaves in it? I want to eat my bagel, not sit there and stare at it longingly while picking out gold to melt down and sell at a pawn shop.

24. Stiletto - November 9, 2007

I’m hungry all of a sudden.

This might be the only time when a dude fucks it before he eats it.

25. chris - November 9, 2007

Bagel: atta girl…take advantage of the stoned.

Cody: yeah, i mean what a waste of gold…honestly. they could have just used gold colored jelly beans and called it a day.

Stiletto: hmm…i’ve come close to “doing the deed” with a few cannolis and chicken parm sandwiches in my day…but if there’s ever a time to fuck your food..is when it costs $25k!

26. keywork. - November 9, 2007

Yeah, their is a ton of satisfaction in teabagging 25k.

27. carlos - November 9, 2007

oh if it cost me $25,000 i’d definitely fuck (literally) that chocolate pudding. they’d be a surprise on the bottom in addition to the bracelet!

28. The Bagel of Everything - November 9, 2007

I think I’ll stick to my $12.99 Goldschläger, thanks.

29. Stiletto - November 9, 2007

What’s really sad is none of this shit has protein in it. Now that’s a waste of money AND calories.

“I’ll have you know I got $1000 for myself just last night!

I love drunk horney frat boys.”

Did they each chip in twenty bucks?

30. whatpushesmybuttons - November 9, 2007

hah…stiletto are you insinuating that bagel slept with over at least a dozen frat boys…

or at least a “baker’s dozen”?

sorry, terrible pun…i think i’m just overexhausted right now. that would be one level past over tired.

bagel: they should have poured frozen goldschlager on that bitch…then maybe it be worth at least $100.

i’m off for the weekend y’all…sorry no update today…lucky i had time to take a shit. not that you need to know that…but we share everything here right?

31. Stiletto - November 10, 2007

“hah…stiletto are you insinuating that bagel slept with over at least a dozen frat boys…”

Yes, indeed I am. But she can blame it on the $12.99 Goldschläger. Actually, that’s not a bad investment. $12.99 for a cool thousand.

See that you got your shit together. Have fun this weekend!


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