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Texas: football, steer and testicles? October 16, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in animals, eating, food, football, humor, opinion, photos, pictures, restaurant, sports, travel.

Oh well…the Cowboys tried. They really did. But the Patriots were too much. Too much offense. The Cowboys actually had a lead in the game in the 3rd Quarter.

The scoreboard clearly shows the Cowboys up big

But poor play calling and execution by the Cowboys in the 3rd/4th Quarters pretty much did them in. Including going for a FG on 4th and goal from the 5 when they were down 14. Smart move. But give the Pats credit. They’re definitely talented and Brady is a stud. They very well could go 16-0. They have the talent too. We’ll just see if they can stay focused for that long.

The Patriots pretty much took the air out of Cowboys fans after their victory

I’ll follow up with pictures of the tailgate and other random player jerseys we came across during the game.

Other than that Dallas was fun filled and action packed. Ok not really action packed but definitely fun filled. Some highlights from the trip:

We started with a visit to the Grassy Knoll down by the Book Depository where that “man who was president” was shot.

If you didn’t know it was the grassy knoll, well…this sign could have helped you.

I mean really…ridiculous. Thanks for pointing that out. There’s even an X that marks the spot where Kennedy was shot. Completely over the top and distasteful as far as I’m concerned. Not that I didn’t take pictures of the area myself, but that’s for journalistic purposes of course!

Next up was a trip to the Whataburger. I had never frequented one before so I was up to the task. The burger was passable…nothing special. But special touch was getting it delivered to your table. The foam cup kept the soda nice and cold though. Foam is definitely a good alternative to the plastic cups most fast food places give customers.

After filling up on Whataburger we took a trip to the Ballpark at Arlington where we were treated to a behind the scenes tour at the stadium. It was only Tom, John and I so we were able to get a pretty intimate tour of the stadium, the press box and the team locker room. We also took a trip to the dugout. Unfortunately they were leveling the field so it was nothing but backhoes and dirt, but nonetheless it was pretty crazy being the only people in the stadium besides the few workers.

After our private tour we were craving some steak so we headed west to Fort Worth and down to the famous Stockyards. After knocking down a few Lonestars at a local watering hole we decide to fill out stomachs with good ole steer.

But first appetizers came calling. And the one appetizer that jumped out was the sampler platter, complete with ribs, mozzarella sticks, and calf fries.

Asking the waiter what calf fries were, he vaguely said something about the hanging sirloin of the bull (looking it up the definition of calf fries are buffalo, boar or bull testicles. They are usually peeled, coated in flour, pepper and salt, sometimes pounded flat, then deep-fried. Nice! High-five!).

I was undeterred however and after getting said testicles I was the first to try.

I can cross testicles of my list of food to eat

They were quite tasty actually. Very succulent (is it wrong to say testicles are succulent?) Then again anything fried is bound to be tasty. But they seriously tasted like chicken tenders. Even the guys agreed: testicles aren’t so bad after all!

After downing some apps and a salad it was on to the steer.  An 18 oz porterhouse with a nice baked potato and corn on the cob.

Of course being that I’m a glutton for ignoring my stomach when it says it’s full, I threw down some pecan pie.

Unfortunately I didn’t get any Paul Bunyon hats for my eating performance but I was completely stuffed afterwards. I was so stuffed actually that I wasn’t able to get out of the car when Tom and John went to the supermarket. So I just sat there and slumped in my seat. At least it allowed me to snap a picture of this beauty. Nothing like putting megawheels on a 4×4.

Only in Texas my friends, only in Texas.



1. candice - October 17, 2007

haha nice…welcome back!

eww testicles..gross…although they looked good! don’t think i could get myself to eat them!

2. bob - October 17, 2007

looking it up the definition of calf fries are buffalo, boar or bull testicles. They are usually peeled, coated in flour, pepper and salt, sometimes pounded flat, then deep-fried

umm…fry em, bread em, don’t care…they’re still testicles! no thanks!

3. melissa - October 17, 2007

haha..you ate balls…haha…

trip looks like fun! i love texas!

4. roger - October 17, 2007

my mouth is watering (not from the testicles)…but from that steak and pecan pie… good stuff!

5. Thos - October 17, 2007

we all know you are disappointed we couldnt’ find a 72oz steak

6. janet - October 17, 2007

sounds like a fun trip! food looks great as usual 🙂

7. debbie - October 17, 2007

i love the whataburger!!!

8. nelson - October 17, 2007

yeah the patriots are looking good….as are the giants!!!

9. trevor - October 17, 2007

look at you getting the royal tour…looks like an awesome stadium…need to check it out one day…

10. Mr. Blogger - October 17, 2007

welcome back! your headline cracks me up…nearly spit out my coffee on my keyboard reading that!

11. janice - October 17, 2007

Mr B – i did spit out my coffee…actually it dribbled down my chin. hah.

12. nincompoop - October 17, 2007

did you motorboat the bull’s balls? you motorboatin son-of-a bitch you.

13. melanie - October 17, 2007

“is it wrong to say testicles are succelent?”

LMFAO!!!! hahahaha

14. trent - October 17, 2007

you should have sucked on them…then you could say you sucked on a bull’s balls…

too bad it wasn’t the bull’s cock, cause then you’d be a real cocksucker!

15. howie - October 17, 2007

completely inappropriate trent…completely inappropriate

16. www.soccersecrets.info » Texas: football, steer and testicles? - October 17, 2007

[…] whatpushesmybuttons wrote a fantastic post today on “Texas: football, steer and testicles?”Here’s ONLY a quick extractOh well…the Cowboys tried. They really did. But the Patriots were too much. Too much offense. The Cowboys actually had a lead in the game in the 3rd Quarter. The scoreboard clearly shows the Cowboys up big … […]

17. lauriekendrick - October 17, 2007

I had to read this to make sure you weren’t making fun of Texas. I don’t want to have to come to NYC JUST to kick your tuchis!

Testacles ARE succulent. Why be coy about that now? You’ve said that to me MANY times after spending your evenings in the ViIlage.

That steak looked fantastic and very large. Then again, you are a size queen, aren’t ya!!!.

Welcome back to Gotham, you protein eating, Cowboys watching, testicle sucking bastard!!!

18. peter - October 17, 2007

can you tell me where the grassy knoll is???

19. sugarsmacks - October 18, 2007

Testicles pounded flat…mmmm….testicles….

Despite the cringeworthiness of reading about that delicacy, I must say I visited Texas years ago and had the best steak I’ve ever eaten.

And I ate crawfish there, too!

I am now a vegetarian, so, sadly, testicles shall ne’er touch these lips.

Ummm, okay, I admit I walked into that one…gulp!!

Very interesting post.

20. Chris - October 18, 2007

hey smacks! long time no see! how’s things?

yeah…unfortunately i can’t say testicles never touched my mouth…at least they were deep fried!

21. sugarsmacks - October 19, 2007

How’s things? Or perhaps…how’s it hanging? hehe.

Thanks for asking, I had another hiatus I didn’t want. I see your blog is doing well, I am enjoying the posts as always.


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