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No hugging zone October 2, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in asshole of the day, bathroom humor, common sense, critique, current events, opinion, pedestrian behavior, sarcasm, stupidity, world news.

So another place in this country of “freedom” communism has adopted a hugging ban. This time the principal of a Oak Hill, IL middle school has placed a ban on hugging in the hallways.

Principal Victoria Sharts of Oak Park’s Percy Julian Middle School is quoted saying, “Hugging is really more appropriate for airports or for family reunions than passing and seeing each other every few minutes in the halls.”

Sharts is further quoted saying: “Last year we would see maybe as many as 10 students on one side (of the hallway), 10 on the other and then, going in opposite directions, would sort of have a hug line going on and you could see where that would be a problem,”

Sharts also says that “rampant hugging is creating bottle necks in the hallway and making kids late for class…although hugs are supposed to be handshakes from the heart some times they don’t seem so innocent. Too long, too close, and usually between boys and girls.”

Before I rip into how ‘ass’inine this principal’s comments are, can we just focus on something for a quick second. Is her last name Sharts? As in I just Sharted myself?

Principal Sharts, the anti-hugger

I mean I’m sure she must get bullied non-stop from the children. I’m sure they be like, hey principal, here’s some Febreze for your ass. Or how’s the skidmarks treating you these days.

No wonder why she’s anti-hugging. Poor thing. But just because your name implies that you sharted yourself doesn’t mean you have to take it out on other children.

Furthermore since when are hugs “handshakes from the heart”? A hug, by and large, is supposed to be an intimate thing. A handshake by nature is quick and formal. I mean I’m not sure what types of hugs she’s gotten but obviously she wasn’t one of the more popular kids growing up. Nor was she shown much love from friends and family. Hugging is a sign of flirting and friendship, at least among students. Normally girls hug each other as a sign of friendship like guys slap five. But something girls and guys hug too. I mean you gotta assume some of these kids are already having sex. Isn’t that just like one giant hug between body parts?

Needless to say “Ms. Shit for Brains” is none too popular in her school these days. Now that the story is out the shit has really hit the fan for her. With all of the negative attention, I’d hope she gets canned soon. Maybe she’ll get the shit end of the stick in this deal. (ok that’s enough).

Before I go I need to gripe about something. Why the fuck did Poland Spring make their new bottle caps so hard to open. Seriously. You need a fuckin pair of pliers just to open the top.

I nearly sliced my fingers open and lost two teeth trying to pry the cap off.

The ingenious design of the new Poland Spring bottles

Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve had major problems with them. Then again we all know Poland Spring is made from springs of natural concrete so not sure why I’m drinking that shit anyway.



1. Thos - October 2, 2007

The white zone is for the immediate loading and unloading of passengers.

2. chris - October 2, 2007

there’s no hugging in the red zone

3. roger - October 2, 2007

hah…yeah…she must get abused over that last name! Sharts…hah

4. dean - October 2, 2007

you know…come to think of it, i have noticed how much more of a pain it is with those new bottles…the plastic cap was a hell of a lot easier

5. jake - October 2, 2007

maybe you’re just a weakling! 😉

btw those rules are stupid…rampant hugging is much better than rampant slashings or muggings…unreal

6. Mr. Blogger - October 2, 2007

she does look like someone who would shart themselves! 🙂

7. random teenager - October 2, 2007

i agree with your call about hugging…teenage girls constantly hug each other as a hello…guys may give that half hug/half back slap…but still what’s the big deal…it’s better than gang members running around flashing signs and shit.

8. janet - October 2, 2007

I HEART HUGS…that woman is a heathen! 😉

9. howie - October 2, 2007

Ms. Shit for Brains

hahahaha…nice pun.

10. The Bagel of Everything - October 2, 2007

OMG is this the school from Footloose?

I’m glad to hear “rampant hugging” is the biggest crisis in the school system.
If I had children, I’d smother them in their sleep, but if I they just wouldn’t die, I’d move there so they could attend school in such a safe, sterile environmenr.

11. trent - October 2, 2007

what’s next…no sex in the champagne room?

12. CHRIS - October 2, 2007

Ha trent…now i have that song stuck in my head.

Bagel: It’s a national epidemic. Tom Brokaw just came out of retirement to do a huge feature on it. Something about the spread of cooties being transmitted through hugging.


13. tiffany - October 2, 2007

hahahaha…hug free since 93! hahahaha

14. gary - October 2, 2007

hahhaha…principal sharts: the cootie carrying anti hugger!

15. melissa - October 2, 2007

I’m sure they be like, hey principal, here’s some Febreze for your ass. Or how’s the skidmarks treating you these days.


16. The Bagel of Everything - October 2, 2007

I’m more of a Hug Whore ’94 girl myself…

17. The Bagel of Everything - October 2, 2007

except, um…don’t hug me.
I don’t like being touched by strangers.

18. tandor - October 2, 2007

yeah…welcome to the United Soviet union of america

19. roger - October 2, 2007

what the hell is that other golf ball shaped bottle on your desk?

20. chris - October 2, 2007

Bagel: I remember seeing those campaign posters…although the naked hug you gave to Ross Perot pretty much ended your political aspirations…i’m glad you’ve regained your popularity with the public again.

Roger; That would be an Arnold Palmer Arizona half ice tea/half lemonade. Good stuff.

21. nelson - October 2, 2007

How about a no wedgie rule?? i mean seriously if there was ever to be a ban on something in school…

22. victor - October 2, 2007

i’d vote for no wet willies!!!

23. abarclay12 - October 2, 2007

First kids can no longer play tag and now it’s no hugging. What’s next – no cigarettes in the bathrooms?! Outrageous.

24. fran - October 2, 2007

yeah…as soon as they ban smoking in the girls bathroom and in restaurants i’m soooo outta this country!

25. nincompoop - October 2, 2007

i say screw those little huggers…what they should be doing is kissing each other…that should drive ms. sharts herself crazy!

26. Whatpushesmybuttons - October 2, 2007

Leaky Brain: i know…i mean, once they made catholic school girls lower their hemlines that was bad enough…then they banned cigarettes…now tag and hugging. I guess anything to stop those perverted school janitors from getting their rocks off.

Fran: Get your passport ready, i heard a rumor about them banning cigarettes in restaurants 😉

Ninny: was waiting to see what your response would say. yes, if they don’t have a ban on kissing but they do on hugging…then that would be a good “piece de resistance”.

27. lauriekendrick - October 3, 2007

CJ…I came here–to your blog tonight to try to decide wjat to feed The Laurie for dinner and what the hell??? NO FUCKING FOOD PHOTOS?

Alliteration baby! .

Listen here, you no hugging in school debating bastard!! I come to your blog for the eye candy. Unless you’ve gone cannibal and we’re supposed to eat hand drawn children and matronly principals–otherwise, where’s the food????

28. chris - October 3, 2007

ha…well to be fair i did showcase some fried chicken on friday and spoke about a stack of flapjacks…

ok, maybe the flapjacks were really huge tits…

but regardless i promise to have something good for you soon food wise. then again i need to save some culinary adventures for when you visit. 🙂

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