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Of course it was a quick birth August 4, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in bathroom humor, celebrities, critique, current events, opinion, sarcasm, sex, world news.

Ok…so as many already know the well famed Duggar family of Arkansas recently welcomed their 17th child into this world. The child, Jennifer Danielle, became the 18th J named member of the Duggar clan (counting Jim Bob, the father).


Now, you already know how I feel about this family based on a previous post. So needless to say I’m pretty impartial about the family values that the Duggar clan employs. While I’m not here to judge, I think it does smack of a religious cult, and many of you have agreed with me on that fact.

Since the Duggar’s have no plan of stopping, I guess there’s nothing to do but sit back and just watch the family grow like some unwanted weeds.

I think the funniest part of the recent birth was the mother, Michelle (who is the only non J-named person in the family) who said quote: “It actually went fast…I guess once I started progressing, it went within 30 minutes.”

Gee…I wonder why the birth went so fast? Could it be that your birth canal is well accustomed to passing through children at this point. I mean it’s like a fuckin slip n slide right now. The fetus forms, waits a few months, sees the light and then just slides right out.

Re-enactment of Duggar clan birth

I’m not even gonna ask how sex is like. How can there be any traction on the tires at this point? Some of you have broken out the Stewie Griffin “it’s like throwing a pencil down the hallway” line. Either way, good ole Jim Bob must be hung like a horse to fit in.

Michelle’s been pregnant about 10 1/2 years of her life already and she’s birthed 18 children. Although she’s got a ton of work to do if she wants to catch the world record. According to several sources:

“The greatest number of children produced by a mother in an independently attested case is 69 by the first wife of Fyodor Vassilet (1816-72) a peasant of the Moscow Jurisdiction, Russia, who in 27 confinements, gave birth to 16 pairs of twins, 7 sets of triplets and 4 sets of quadruplets. Most of the children attained their majority. Mme. Vassilet became so renowned that she was presented at the court of Czar Alexander II.”

So to reach this magic “69” number (ironic isn’t it), she would have to have another 52 children! If that’s her ambition she needs to start spitting out some quadruplets, quintuplets, sextuplets and even octuplets. Better start taking some fertility pills Michelle…because what’s the sense of having 20 something children if it’s not even close to being a record.



1. fran - August 4, 2007

hahahaha slip n slide…LMAO!

2. roger - August 4, 2007

dude..you fucking crack me up…slip n slide….hahahaha

3. candice - August 4, 2007

ewwwww.gross! but really funny! haha

4. jake - August 4, 2007

haha nice reenactment

5. elyse - August 4, 2007

i’m crying right now i’m laughing so hard

6. melissa - August 4, 2007

LOVE…love the reaction of the kids in the picture….hahahaha…albeit that image related to childbirth is a bit disturbing…but humorous…as usual!

7. trevor - August 4, 2007

what’s a better chase? Bonds trying to break Aaron or Michelle Duggar trying to break 69? hahahah

8. ethan - August 4, 2007

Yankees Suck! Yankees Suck

9. Chris - August 4, 2007

Trevor: haha…could you imagine Joe Buck proceding over the birth of the 70th child.

Scene: Hospital room. Buck and McCarver on the call.

Buck (in excitable Joe Buck voice): “Coming down the line…could it be??? There it is. 70!!! Move over Vassilet there’s a new pregnancy queen! 70!!!”

I just made myself crack up doing this impersonation out loud. Although I think I’m a little loopy from a combination of the heat, a red bull and inhaling the buffalo wing sauce i’m making for a bbq later.


10. The Bagel of Everything - August 5, 2007

My paternal grandmother has a cunt-load of babies.
I don’t know how many, as I’m not close with that side of the family, but at the time of my father’s death, he had 13 living siblings. I know that at least 5 died of SIDS. (that’s an S not an A!)
She birthed them alone at home, no midwife.

My maternal grandmother had 6 children and at least a dozen siblings. As the oldest. she and my greatgrandmother breastfed eachother’s babies. Can you imagine suckling your sister?

People are gross.

I consider it my civic duty to balance this, and have sworn off procreation for the greater good.
You’re welcome.

11. chris - August 6, 2007

ha thanks bagel…myself and the world included are appreciated of your nonprocreation efforts…although the world could use more funny, quick witted people like yourself. Maybe cloning is a good alternative to birthing afterall 🙂

12. thefreshcracker - August 8, 2007

VAGINA: it’s not a clown car.

13. WhatPushesMyButtons - August 8, 2007

Cracker: Haha yeah, i remember seeing that online.

14. ted - August 8, 2007

the reenactment of the birth cracked me up! awesome stuff…even if the family is a bunch of wackos

15. victor - August 8, 2007

that kid looks happy…so why are you saying the family can’t be happy??? hahahahah…j/k

16. Anonymous - August 29, 2007

How happy would you be trying to satisfy your father’s and 19 other sibling’s appetite for tater tot casserole.

My spin is if you have a penis, life is pretty good in Duggarville, if you’re but a woman, your lot in life is to serve men.

17. Debra Baker - August 29, 2007

How happy would you be trying to satisfy your father’s and 19 other sibling’s appetite for tater tot casserole.

My spin is if you have a penis, life is pretty good in Duggarville, if you’re but a woman, your lot in life is to serve men.


18. Debra Baker - August 29, 2007

Sorry about the doublish posts.

19. whatpushesmybuttons - September 12, 2007

Debra; Life is good in Duggarville…think i just managed to Michelle pregnant again just by looking at her. Man that lady is fertile!

20. Anonymous - September 2, 2009

The Husband is fucking a mailbox- he’s one horny “Christian.”

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