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Printing Health Hazards? August 3, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in critique, current events, funny, humor, movies, opinion, sarcasm, world news.
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So as I was checking my Yahoo email earlier I saw this article: “Your Printer May Be Hazardous to your Health”

The article goes on to say that “30 percent of all laser printers tested emit dangerous particles described as ‘causing lasting damage on the scale of inhaled cigarette smoke.’ These tiny particles lodge deep in the lungs and can lead to anything from lung irritation to full-on cancer.”

That’s fuckin wonderful. So all the times I’ve sat close to my printer, even leaning on it and smacking it to urge it to print faster, it’s basically been spewing cancer dust at me in retaliation? What about all those paper jams, and sticking my hands up the printer’s insides like I was performing some sort of gynological exam? Is that just all a ploy by the printer to say fuck you, this is what you get for waking me up from sleep mode?

Not only that, but there was a second article that said “Your Printer May be Spying on You”. Even better…not only is my printer giving me cancer, but its also watching my every move. And here I thought I was safely printing out my super secret advance copy of the not even yet released Harry Potter VIII: The Pubic Hair Dilemna (when our characters get too old to play their parts and discover sex on the set).

But you know what? No longer will I stand idly by while my printers infect me with their filth. It’s time to take action! I’m gonna go all Mike Bolton on their asses!

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Comments»

1. Stiletto - August 3, 2007

Oh, I’ve got no pity for you! Try sitting at a crowded kitchen table with your chain smoking aunt and your cigar smoking father. In fact at this moment I am ready to kill myself!

BTW, how funny – I think I just witnessed you put this up on WordPress. I originally commented on Blogger…and this wasn’t here a second ago. Hmm.

PS I used to flash my printer all the time thinking it would work harder but then I realized it wasn’t a voyeur type of operation going on.

2. Chris - August 3, 2007

Stiletto: hah…yeah…i literally just posted it here around 3:15 or so…but i post things on blogger first. funny indeed! 🙂

ha…oh trust me, i have enough second hand smoke in me to kill me 30 times over thanks to my 3 packs a day smoking grandmother – who used to blow smoke in my face as a child during games of rummy 500. that and i used to buy her cigarettes for her…every day. and i was only 7!

3. Mr. Blogger - August 3, 2007

haha…nice..classic office space.

everything causes cancer these days…so i’m not surprised

4. trent - August 3, 2007

wow…didn’t see that…crazy…fuckin printers think they own the world!

5. roger - August 3, 2007

wow…slow down with the posts today…can’t catch up! hah…jk

good stuff about the printers…i can’t wait to take our shitty printer here and pummel it to pieces with my baseball bat! 🙂

6. dean - August 3, 2007

reminds me of the old ANdrew Dice Clay routine…you’re gonna get CANCER…hah

7. Stiletto - August 3, 2007

Yeah, we all want to die HEALTHY…

8. howie - August 3, 2007

AWESOME…love office space!

Michael Bolton? Any relation to the pop singer? 🙂

9. jake - August 3, 2007

you can just call me mike

10. candice - August 3, 2007

What about all those paper jams, and sticking my hands up the printer’s insides like I was performing some sort of gynological exam

ewww…so unnecessary! although next time i’m in the chair i’m gonna think of you shoving your arm up a printer! and laugh! hahaah

11. nelson - August 3, 2007

“And here I thought I was safely printing out my super secret advance copy of the not even yet released Harry Potter VIII: The Pubic Hair Dilemna (when our characters get too old to play their parts and discover sex on the set).”

hahahaahah…nice


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