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Even grass is on steriods these days July 2, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in animals, bathroom humor, critique, funny, humor, opinion, photos, pictures, sarcasm, television.

So Bridget and I were watching TV last night and on came an informerical for Patch Perfect.

The product is a grass “enhancer”, helping you maintain that perfect lawn. The line that left us laughing was the announcer strongly saying “It’s like grass seed on steriods!!”

I went on the website this morning and apparently you can just “spread it and forget it” (sounds awful familiar to the Showtime Rotisserie by Ron Popeil – “Just Set it and Forget It!”). Although it sounds even MORE familiar to what some athletes are doing these days. Do you think Sheffield or Bonds had the “spread it and forget it” attitude with their “sports creams”?

I can’t wait for the WGGC to get their hands on Patch Perfect (that’s the World Grass Growing Coalition for those not in the know). Steriod use is running rampant in the grass growing field these days. Especially with more and more homeowners looking for that competitive-edge when growing their grass. Millions of them have resorted to using GGH (Grass Growth Hormones) type products to enhance their lawns. Unfortunately the government has other problems regarding growth hormones these days among professional athletes that they’ve turned a blind eye to the blatent abuse that happens to soil millions of times a day. It’s about time the WGGC stepped up and stopped people from feeding steriods to the earth.

The problem doesn’t stop with lawns either. All sorts of birds, squirrels, pigeons and other animals are eating the steriod seeds before they have a chance to infiltrate the ground and sprout. Angry, testostorone fueled gangs of pigeons have been spotted in recent weeks.

An angry gang of steriod fueled pigeons

These bigger, badder pigeons are causing havoc throughout the city by dropping “mega-shits” on people’s heads, car roofs and sidewalks. I think it’s about time lawn companies stepped up and stopped the distribution of their products. There’s millions of pigeons in this world and the last thing we need is all of them uniting to blast us off the face of the earth with their mega acid staining feces!



1. roger - July 2, 2007

haha nice! those fuckin pigeons are huge!!!!

2. mr. blogger - July 2, 2007

hah…i agree….everyone’s a steriod user one way or another these days!!

3. dan - July 2, 2007

maybe i should start eating bird seed more often! those pigeons are jacked!

4. ethan - July 2, 2007

Yankees Suck! Yankees Suck!

5. gary - July 2, 2007

oh man…pigeons on steriods too! crap…who’s next!

6. trevor - July 2, 2007

oh that crazy ron popeil…wouldn’t be an infomercial without a Ronco product! haha

7. candice - July 2, 2007

OMG those pigeons are big…

haha…mega shit….nice!

8. elyse - July 2, 2007

those pigeons look mean!!! they are on steriods!

9. nelson - July 2, 2007

The World Grass Growing Coalition…nice…they happen to govern the growth of majuana too? 😉

10. nincompoop - July 2, 2007

holy crap! those pigeons are gigantic!!!

11. mr. x - July 2, 2007

Millions of them have resorted to using GGH (Grass Growth Hormones) type products to enhance their lawns

sadly…but its the truth…grass growing is a huge industry! and not the marijuana kind!

12. bubba - July 2, 2007

you gotta have a good lawn…if not you’re a failure as a homeowner!

13. stephen - July 2, 2007

just what i need…my grass to go on a roid rage! 🙂

14. melissa - July 2, 2007

chris – that’s hysterical…funny stuff…i have been noticing the bigger, tougher pigeons recently now that you mention it

15. Finally a bill worth passing! « What Pushes My Buttons - November 12, 2007

[…] reported here back in July, pigeons have become bigger and nastier in recent days. I reported that due to steriod based grass […]

16. Cubed - December 22, 2008

You guys are kiddin, right? LOL Pigeons on steriods and suffering from ‘roid rage’? Yeah right. Its very funny though, just not to be taken seriously. For starters there’s no way anyone can say the pigeons in the above pic are any larger than regular pigeons because there is not reference object such a ‘regular sized’ pigeon in the same pic from which to make the observation of a difference in size. So for all we know these ‘bigger badder’ pigeons could very be just a bunch of regular pigeons because they are all about the same size. Its just a wonder it wasn’t reported that they have grown fangs, claws and infra-red sensors etc. LOL..

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