jump to navigation

The big “trade” of the day July 31, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in baseball, basketball, critique, current events, opinion, random references, sarcasm, sports, world news.

So as some of you know (and some don’t) today was MLB’s trading deadline and activity across the league was fast and furious. The Yankees shedded beloved everyday pitcher Scott Proctor for utilityman Wilson Betemit from the Dodgers. The Red Sox were winners in the Eric Gagne sweepstakes shedding away two minor leaguers for an former All-Star and save machine. The Braves and Rangers traded mexican for italian, as Mark “Tex-Mex” Teixeira was traded to the Braves for a few players including Jarrod “Saltimbocca” Saltalamacchia. I’m sure the folks in Texas will just LOVE pronouncing his last name for years to come.

But the real winners today my friends weren’t any professional sports teams (including the Celtics who traded about 30 players and half of Southie for Kevin Garnett). No…the real trade win came today in New Jersey, where needle users got the right to exchange dirty needles for clean ones!


No longer should intravenous drug users have to suffer with dirty needles they pick off the streets! Now they can get that shiny ass, clean as a whistle, pointy ended new needle in which to inject drug after drug into their already drug ridden bodies!

Apparently New Jersey was the last state without a “legal way for drug users to get clean syringes”. Never knew that. Although I’m sure they’ve had tons of other problems to deal with. Like asshole drivers who nearly kill their Governer or drive into toll booth barriers. Or fits of rage over a TV show who brought back the infamous “cut to black”. Yes, the “armpit of NYC” had much deeper problems to worry about rather than spending tax dollars on supplying drug addicts with clean needles.

But I guess in medical terms, this “clean needle exchange” program was the trade of the day. Now I just need to find that pile of syringes I collected from the beach last week so I can trade them in for some new ones!

Tag…you’re it! July 30, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in funny, humor, opinion.

So several weeks ago (or what seems like several weeks ago even though it was only technically 11 days) I was “tagged” by Tom at the Tao of Masonry (try saying that 10 times fast…starting now!) with a Meme. Meme’s seem to be the “it” thing these days among bloggers, mainly as a way to challenge their fellow blogger friends to reveal more information about themselves. It’s almost like getting picked on to speak in front of the class…but the class is full of really cool people who are listening to your every word. So when you’re tagged by your peers it is a pretty special feeling…knowing that someone out there really likes what you do (cue violin and tears).

This particular meme calls for the tagged blogger (in this case myself) to pick five posts that I feel identifies, or gets to the core of my blogging. Now I know I had viewers vote on what their favorite posts were last year and among those you’ll find my “best” stuff. However to single out five posts after a year plus of blog postings is pretty tough. Do you single out the most disgusting? The most humorous? Or the one that required the most thought?

Anyway, my apologies to Tom for being tardy on my tag response, but without further adieu, here is my “Death By Blog Meme”:

The posts I feel best identifies or gets to the core of this blog are (in no particular order):

1) The Rules of Pedestrian Engagement
This particular post took me a few days to write and while the idea could have been more expanded upon, was an idea I had (albeit a bit nonsensical) that incorporated original thought as well as plenty of sarcasm and humor. Plus the bonus came when Time Out New York ran a similar idea a few months later in their magazine, and nearly (and apparently coincidentally) incorporated many of the same ideas that were published within this particular post. So kudos to me for beating them to the punch!

2) If the food’s so bad for you, then why are there no fat chinese people?
I loved writing this post because it grew out of another nonsensical thing that popped into my head. Plus it allowed me to incorporate my favorite comedian of all time, John Pinette, and played upon my strength of sarcasm (especially with the absorbing calories through your skin part). I think the best line from this post was Egg Roll meet Duck Sauce, Duck Sauce meet Egg Roll. I crack up whenever I have an egg roll now, and always chuckle to myself when I’m dipping the egg roll into the duck sauce for the first time. I hope you enjoyed that post too.

3) The Ultimate Shower Songs…Part one and deux
I loved writing the ultimate shower songs because it was the first real thing i published on my blog (besides my first post on american idol). It was an idea I had for years, spurred on by watching hours of those Time-Life infomercials with the best songs of the 80s, 90s, barbershop classics, etc. So I finally had a venue to express my take on the whole singing in the shower thing that everyone seems to do but no one readily admits too. I’m still hoping that Fox or one of the networks will pick this up as a competition. Really. Would you rather watch someone singing in the shower or someone trying to remember a line while singing karoake.

Although you know what? Fuck it. I’m producing my own Shower Songs segment soon and publishing it right here on this blog. That’s right. You heard it here first. Video and all! (no worries, the camera won’t be in the shower with me, it’ll be behind the curtain). So if you have any suggestions on songs you’d like me to sing besides the ones published already on this blog please reply to this post or email me with your suggestions. Thanks!

4) Good Humor Friday
Ice cream. Politics. Religion. Bad business practices. What else could you ask for in a blog posting? Any catholic who is looking for an alternative to giving up meat for lent should push for Good Humor Friday!

5) Staring Problem
Why? Well because it shows my typical thought process and the random trains of thought that race in and out of my head. Plus it showcases my ability to draw in completely random references (in this case, Seinfeld, Austin Powers, Soul Train and Broadway Bill Lee) that somehow all tie together nicely. I think that’s the essence of this blog…random bullshit that is funny and somehow makes sense (sometimes).

Anyway, that’s my “death by blog meme” response.

I guess I now have to “tag” 5 other people to keep this meme going lest I want to end up with Influenzia or Scurvy or some other untreatable disease that the “chain gang” would punish me with.

Soooo…i’d like to “tag” (sorry guys!):

Tortious: CDP – I know…you’re thinking fuck…another tag! But if you needed something to write about on a rainy day 😉

Laurie Kendrick: Laurie has some doozy posts to share from the past few months…so I’m sure she can think of 5 good ones!

Ration Reality: Sorry Jesse/BOE/Ape…but you guys have some great shit to gloat about so this should be easy for you.

Stiletto: Sorry Stiletto…another “tag” for you…but consider this one a “love tap” so to speak…plus it’ll give you an easy blog post if you don’t feel like writing something someday.

And last but not least I want to tag the “Panel of Experts”. Why? Because I think their shit is funny. And even if they don’t participate in this “meme” so be it…but I just wanted to call attention to how humorous they are!

Hill Country: Worth the hype? July 29, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in celebrities, critique, eating, food, lunch, new york city, opinion, photos, pictures, restaurant.

Barbeque has been all the rage in the NYC recently due to the success of places like Blue Smoke, Rub, Dinosaur, Daisy May’s among many others. Even celebrities are jumping into the pit (so to speak) as Justin Timberlake recently opened a BBQ Joint on the UES penned Southern Hospitality. Another recent arrival came to the Chelsea area via Austin, TX titled Hill Country.

Hill Country is an homage to the old Texas BBQ markets, where patrons belly up to the counter and get their food cut and priced to order. The space itself is very warm and inviting (and spaceous!). Upon walking through the doors you feel like throwing on your Cowboy Boots, 10 gallon hat and favorite flannel shirt (don’t forget about spraying on some Stetson cologne).

Warning….side rant coming! Listen people. I know this is Chelsea and the prepsters and hipsters who live here (not all but some) may have some problems identifying what “dressing down” means. Let me put it to you this way. It’s BBQ…down and dirty…stuff will spill and splatter…Dress appropriately. Please leave the Prada and the Chanel at home ok? It’s a fuckin BBQ joint. Thank you.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about the main reason why you would go to Hill Country besides the cool, laid back atmosphere: the food.

I went for the first time about a month ago with a large group of peeps. I was beyond anxious to try it out being a BBQ afficionado and upon hearing heaps and heaps of glorious review. Being that I normally overorder anyway, I found myself racking up the dollars pretty quickly as Bridget & I seemingly decided to try just about everything on the menu.

At the meat station we got a rack of ribs, a 1/2 Grilled Market chicken, a Beer Can Game Hen (which I was most excited to try), and a few slices of lean brisket. The food gets weighed by the pound and slapped onto some good ole brown butcher’s paper and wrapped up in a ball. I admire the no-frills, pay by the pound bit and the fact that I don’t have to worry about breaking a dish is even better for me! We next hit the sides stations and got a “Feed yer Family” side of Mac & Cheese and some Green Beean Casserole. Of course the meal wasn’t complete until we added the slices of thick white bread to go along with the meats and sides.

We sat downstairs since we had a group of 10 and got a long table to share. Waitresses take drink orders and how could you have Texas BBQ without the Lonestar! With Lonestar in hand and a palette of food on paper in front of me I was happier than a pig in shit (no offense to the pig I was about to eat of course).

The chicken, ribs, brisket and toast

I decided to try everything “as-is” to experience the true flavoring of their meats without drenching it in any of the BBQ sauces on the table. Since I had a lot of food to sample in front of me, I’ll base my review by item of food.

I first tried the ribs. Now granted please take this with a grain of salt, but I’m not a dry-rub kinda guy. I like sweet, tangy, spicy or any other type of “wet rib”, the kind that falls off the bone and has you licking your lips and fingers all day and night to try to get all of the sauce you can. So with that said I wasn’t a huge fan of the spicing on the ribs. I guess if you’re a dry rub person that’s how you like em. But spice aside, the ribs were a little tough to chew and slightly dry. Again…I know it’s supposed to be dry…but the meat should still be a little sweet and tender. This rib was just a notch below tender.

Next up was the lean brisket. The brisket was soft and easy to cut through. The meat was tasty and flavorful. Obviously the moist brisket would have had more fat and thus more “softness” to it, but all in all the brisket was decent. It needed some help from the array of BBQ sauces at the table to bring it up to “good” status. But definitely a notch above the ribs for me.

Then I decided to go for what I came here for in the first place. The beer can game hen. Being that I love to make cornish hen’s in my oven and have somewhat perfected the art of making them, I was expecting BIG things from the hen. Especially being that it was beer can flavored, how can you not be stoked. Well I was immediately discouraged when the skin wasn’t crispy but soft and not really chewable. I love crispy skin. Not saying it had to be fried, but there’s something about a crispy skin that adds to the flavor to the meat. This was like peeling back tissue paper. I cut into the meat. It was definitely cooked well but it was bland in flavor. The bites weren’t memorable and there certainly wasn’t any hints of beer flavoring in the meat (nor on the skin). I think the soft skin pretty much let the flavor evaporate out of the bird (a seared skin locks the flavors and moisture of a meat in) and left it a dry, bland mess. In fact I’d even argue that they didn’t use a beer can to cook the hen in the first place (which I’m sure I’m completely on point about being that the hen came out of a giant bin of hens). I was completely disappointed. And quite frankly pissed off being that this was the one thing I looked most forward too.

The “beer can” game hen, side of mac & cheese and green bean casserole

Eager to get my excitement and my appetite back I ripped into the sides. The mac & cheese was flavorful and the macaroni was soft and chewy. Cheese was abundant throughout, but very rich, to the point where you feel the arteries tightening a bit with each bite. But not enough to stop you from shoving forkful after forkful into your mouth. The green bean casserole was exceptionally good, and the fried onions helped give the green beans a nice added crunch and saltiness. I was definitely a fan of the green beans (even if it’s the “low food on the totem pole” at a BBQ joint.

Last up to sample was the market chicken. The chicken was moist and tender and very flavorful (MUCH more so than the hen). Each bite of the breast was tender both with and without the skin. However once you get down closer to the bone the meat was almost too tender and a little pink. Not to the point of being undercooked, but to the point of too tender to really eat. So that was kind of a drag being that their was so much flavor in the chicken I would have gleefully lifted up the carcass and ripped away at the tender meat that is normally around the bone.

I mean I know its hard to cook up thousands of pounds of meat a day. I really do. And it’s next to impossible to keep your eye on everything you cook. But if you’re cooking something in a “slow and low heat” based environment you have to realize that stuff will take longer to cook, especially with vast amounts of food in the steamers at the same time. But with poulty you need to be even more careful about what you’re serving up to your guests. So while I’m not saying the food was raw…they should probably fine tune their methods just a bit to ensure that the entire chicken is cooked through and not just the breast. Or just chop the bird and serve just the breast this way you won’t have to have someone staring at a pinkish piece of meat deciding whether or not to eat it or not.

Anyway after plowing through my plentiful bounty I sat back and evaluated the damage. There wasn’t much left on my paper, just some uneaten hen and the not eatable carcass of the chicken. I chewed down my white toast with another Lonestar to “cleanse the palette” for dessert. That and I really was hoping something would save my experience at Hill Country because it was a tad disappointing at this point.

The PB&J cupcake (back), the pecan pie and the Blue Hill icecream

Lo and behold dessert came through in the clutch! The PB&J cupcake was probably the best cupcake I’ve had in years (or have ever had period). The jelly was sweet and balanced out the peanut butter frosting perfectly. Add the reese’s pieces on top and it was like having your first peanut butter & jelly sandwich all over again! The pecan pie was definitely good (served room temperature) and the pecans were nice and crunchy compared to the tartness of the pie. When you threw a little vanilla Blue Bell ice cream up on that bitch it definitely brought it on home! Blue Bell, served in a little dixie cup, is a creamy and sweet version of homemade ice cream from Texas. Blue Bell is actually celebrating their 100th anniversary this year with a tour across the south sampling their flavors and celebrating their heritage. It’s a damn shame they won’t be coming up north of the mason-dixon line because I’d love to spend a few hours in that truck!

All in all Bridget and I spent upwards of $100 between the two of us and left Hill Country disgustingly full. For me I left with a twinge of disappointment in my mouth, albeit I was grinning ear to ear thanks to dessert. The reviews on my table were mixed, with some saying they loved it and others somewhat underwhelmed like I was. I did see some people from Texas I knew there so I know the place is pretty legit on trying to recreate the Texas BBQ market experience. From an atmosphere and serving standpoint that is point on (I could see the live music they have on occassion definitely helping to add to that experience).

Overall, the sides and dessert were definitely good (the dessert more so than the sides). The meats, which is what BBQ is all about, were hit or miss. I’ve definitely had better BBQ in NYC (Daisy May’s, Dinosaur among others) and I’ve definitely had worse, but I would say my first visit was about average. I left full and slightly unsatisfied and overall I’d have to say based on my first visit, all the hype may have been just a bit overrated. I’m sure thousands will disagree with my review and call me every name in the book. But since the place is continuing to drum up the hype, I did have the opportunity to make a second visit just last week for some lunch with co-workers. Did my feelings change any or would I continue to be underwhelmed? Well unfortunately I made myself really hungry talking about BBQ so you’ll have to log on tomorrow to find that out!

Y’all come back now – ya hear?

Excuse me sir… July 26, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in critique, fashion, opinion.

I think your pants are falling off your ass.

What? They’re meant to be that way? Well I’ll be damned. Kids these days and their wacky fashions.

Speaking of wacky fashion…what’s the deal with gladiator sandals? Seriously.

I mean the pair above costs $1,200! All for what? Unless you’re starring in the next sequel of Gladiator or vacationing in Rome during the time of the Roman Empire, I see no reason why this should be in style. Let alone paying over a grand for them. What’s the difference between that shoe and sticking your foot in a slinky?

Sticking your foot in a slinky would be a lot more affordable and just as stylish. Maybe it’s just me…but paying over $1,000 for some cheap metal wrapped around your leg isn’t that appealing. I mean Lindsay Lohan had some pretty mean metal wrapped around her ankle and look where it got her: a one way ticket to federal “pound me in the ass” prison. Maybe the female visitors to this blog could enlighten me a bit on this current fashion trend?

“Taste-O-Vision” July 25, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in celebrities, current events, eating, food, movies, photos, pictures, sarcasm.

So last night went to an advanced screening of Crazy Legs Conti’s new DVD release: Crazy Legs Conti: Zen and the Art of Competitive Eating.

This wasn’t like any ordinary screening however, as the film was being presented in Taste O’Vision.

Taste O’Vision is exactly what it sounds like. You taste something based on what’s on the screen.

Conti only screened portions of the DVD last night, but had four jelly beans flavored based on what he was eating on the screen:


Hot Dogs



A prompt came across the screen telling you when it was time to indulge in your tasty treats to experience the same taste sensations that Crazy Legs was partaking in on screen.

The concept is quite funny actually, and definitely works considering how eccentric the food he was eating was.

I mean, you’re not gonna get a Jelly Bean to taste exactly like an oyster or a hotdog, but I guess the flavoring gods were able to work their magic with that (actually I’m hoping to have some expert commentary in regards to the science behind the flavoring for you shortly).

Anyway, despite a few yucks and eww, grosses from the crowd I didn’t mind the taste of the jellybeans. Despite them not tasting like your ordinary cherry or orange jellybean I didn’t think they were half bad. The butter one tasted like buttery popcorn. The hotdog one tasted like smoked sausage. The donut one tasted like cotton candy. And the oyster one…well really didn’t have any taste. All in all I’d rather eat these flavored jellybeans than a licorice one. Or any of those other bitter flavors.

All in all the screening was a success. The DVD includes many other features, including outtakes, scenes from competitions and other segments including girls dunking their “buns” – literally…hot dogs and hamburgers were affixated to their bums. Pretty funny actually.

This premiere was also celebrity studded with some of the all-time greats from the eating community. In attendance were: Ed “Cookie” Jarvis, Eric “Badlands” Booker, Kevin Lipshitz, Don “Moses” Lerman among others.

“Badlands” Booker

“Cookie” Jarvis

Cookie’s coat listing all of his championships

Lindsay Lohan was supposed to also be in attendance but unfortunately she got arrested again. They wanted to see her try to eat more than two bagels without physically exploding, but she conveniently got arrested before she could attempt that feat! I smell chicken!

Life’s a “breeze” July 24, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in brooklyn, common sense, fishing, funny, pictures, politics, sarcasm, travel.

So on Saturday, Avi, Lauren and I ventured off to do some fishing. Instead of hitting one of the party boats in Sheepshead Bay I suggested we take a trip to Breezy Point (Queens) and fish off one of the jetty’s on the beach (which would also double as a beach day)!

So we headed to Brooklyn to pick up my mom’s car and some equipment and headed out to Breezy Point, which I haven’t been to in years. For those who don’t know Breezy Point, it’s basically a very small neighborhood at the western tip of the Rockaways adjacent to the Atlantic Ocean. If it wasn’t for the Rockaways and Breezy Point, most of Brooklyn would be like the lost city of Atlantis because the water would surge completely inland.

Anyway, we drove to the end of the penisula and parked next to the Breezy Point Surf Club. I figured it would be a short walk from there so we unloaded the car and carried our gear towards the beach.

Well, small problem was that we had a cooler full of beer, ice and bait, bags of beach towels, rods and other equipment to fish with. So we weren’t exactly carrying light. The other small problem? I failed to remember that we had to walk over 1/2 mile in the sand dunes to get to the beach.

Everytime we thought we were close, we had another twist and turn in the path. Buzzards were circling over us waiting for the moment we dropped in exhaustion. It really felt like another world, with 10′ tall grass and thick as molasses sand dunes. Sweat poured down our brows as the gear became heavier and heavier. It was crazy…I never remember the walk being as long or as tedious.

Finally we got to the beach and dropped our cooler and bags straight down. We took a few deep breaths and tried to catch our bearings. People were laid out on the sand, sunning themselves and playing in the surf.

I looked to the right and figured the jetty would be right near us. Nope. Not even close. The jetty was farrrrrrr in the distance. Like another 1/2 mile or so!

The jetty was barely seeable from here!

You have to be kidding right? How big can Breezy possibly be? We should have been in Jersey by now with the amount of walking we did!

That was a big discouragement to say the least. We were dying of heat and fortunately Lauren and I came prepared by wearing bathing suits (Avi wasn’t as thoughtful) and headed into the water to cool off. I normally like to dive right in, but it was still fuckin cold! Felt good initially, until my nipples started to freeze over and then I headed back to the sandstorm (true to the name, there’s always a brisk ‘breeze’ in Breezy). Seriously, it felt like we were in the middle of a sandblizzard. Sitting down, the sand whipped into your back. Laying down the sand pounded your face. The only salvation came when we opened the cooler and busted out the 6 pack of refreshing Light Mike’s Hard Tea!

Awesome stuff! It’s a little less sweeter than the previous versions of Mike’s Hard Tea and goes down supersmooth. I think I drank two bottles in 2 minutes top. Probably could’ve drank another 20 or so. Definitely worth trying, especially on a hot summer’s day.

After about an hour or so of laying around we decided the trek to the jetty would be too far, so we decided to surf cast. We only had 7 foot rods, where normally surf casting requires a 15-20 foot rod. So needless to say we were in trouble. I ventured into the ocean and attempted to cast past the waves, which failed miserably. Avi had better luck casting, until the reel popped off the rod and the line snapped off, taking the weight and hook with it. Not only happened once, but twice. Hmm. Note to self, you can’t overhand cast a fluke rig. I guess there’s a reason you only fish for fluke off boats, you’re supposed to drop the line deep down and let the fish bite. We learned this the hard way. Twice.

Anyway I had another 5 pounds of squid that I didn’t know what to do with. And since everyone else I asked wasn’t fishing for fluke (I guess they were fishing for syringes?) I ventured out into the water and let the squid go. The seagulls ate the squid in about 2 seconds so so much for feeding the fish!

Anyway…no catches of note for us. Besides catching plenty of sand in our eyes, nose and ass. Ok, maybe not ass…but I wouldn’t be surprised if some ended up there! Heading back from the beach we cut through the Breezy Surf club where we were able to walk on concrete and not sand. No wonder why they charge their members $50 per visit!

However, since I never published the pictures from our trout fishing trip a few months back, to make me feel better about fishing, here’s Avi with his trophy wild trout caught at the Morsston house back yard stream in Livingston Manor, NY

And here’s my big catch from that weekend’s fishing trip!

Pretty sweet huh? Needless to say that branch was able to feed us for weeks!

The Cubicle Cookbook July 23, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in eating, food, funny, lunch, photos, pictures.

Had a busy weekend doing some fun things…including taking Avi and Lauren on an adventure to Breezy Point to do some fishing (or attempt to). But more on that later when I upload the pics from my digital camera.

But, one of the things I’ve been wanting to mention for a while but haven’t got around to it yet, was a result of me cooking in my cube recently.

As you’ve seen from past posts, I’ve resorted to grilling sandwiches on my portable Hamilton Beach grill at my desk.

Today was no different as I turned my rather ordinary brought-in turkey and cheese sandwich on wheat bread into a nice grilled turkey and cheese sandwich that melted in my mouth.

The funniest part of cooking in my cube is the smell of grilled goodness permeating throughout my office. Everyone is like, damn that smells good!

One of my co-workers Beth was joking around one day and said I should start a cubicle cookbook! That’s a fantastic idea. Another co-worker Lori said I should have a daily menu and start charging people for “cube-cooked” lunch. Another fantastic idea! Hey, maybe I won’t need to depend on “cart lunch” anymore if I’m just going to be cooking in! And if I can make some money on the side as well that’s even better. Although I think I’ll need to purge some files and set up a kitchen countertop. That and I’ll need a bigger griddle. Cause if I’m gonna make a profit, pumping out one sandwich at a time isn’t gonna cut it!

Excuse me miss, you dropped your tampons July 20, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in bathroom humor, critique, funny, humor, new york city, pedestrian behavior, pictures, sarcasm, stupidity, subways.

Actually, that’s the second time in my life I’ve seen someone drop their tampons.

The first time was at a duane reade about 12 years ago. A lady dropped a box of tampons on the ground as she was juggling her other feminine products in her hands. I noticed her struggling and kindly picked up her tampons for her and handed them to her. She was a bit embarrassed, but i was young and didn’t really care. She was actually really pretty, which is one of the reasons why I picked them up for her (I know, I know…typical man!) But hey I was 18 years old and just being curteous 😉 My momma didn’t raise no fool!

The second time was decidedly a more embarrassing situation. I was waiting for an uptown 2/3 train at 34th street last night and there was this girl who was
a bit disheveled. She bent over and out of her overnight bag fell out a single tampon. At first she didn’t see said tampon fall to the ground.  Another lady pointed to the ground behind her and she noticed. The girl who dropped the tampon looked at it and was immediately embarrassed. She waived her hand at it and said she didn’t need it.

Then a few seconds later after she was beat red, she paced around staring at it and started crying. Then she walked away quickly in embarrassment. I didn’t know whether to laugh or feel sorry for the chic. I looked at the woman who originally pointed out the tampon to the girl and she just shrugged her shoulders with a slight smirk.

I mean at some point the girl should have just picked up the tampon. No one around her really cared. I didn’t even pay her much attention. Although I could see where it would be embarrassing. I dropped my dildo once on a crowded subway platform. Everyone saw. And laughed. And pointed at me and called me names like Dildo boy. So what if I pissed my pants on the spot. I picked up my dildo, placed it back in my bag and continued on with my day. But this girl….she panicked…and cried…and ran. Poor thing. Maybe she was French!

Anyway, right as the train was coming I took a picture of said tampon and then hopped on the train. Although I’m sure some asshole probably reported a “suspicious package” on the subway platform.

Is that a suspicious package, or just a tampon?

Could you imagine. The SWAT team comes out. The white gloved bomb squad comes in.

“What is it sir”?

“I’m not sure, it’s some foreign torpedo like device. (looking through x-ray scope). Oh my god…run away…it has wings!”

Yeah, I’m sure it’ll go down exactly like that. Either that or someone will have just gone about their commute home and found themselves a tampon. Call it their lucky day! Some people find pennies. Some find tampons. You know, you can get a pretty penny on the street for a tampon…especially the unused ones!

What I’ve Learned July 19, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in bathroom humor, comedy, current events, funny, humor, movies, new york city, nostaglia, opinion, random references, sarcasm, television, video.

So I’ve learned a lot over the past 199 posts.  I’ve learned that I enjoy blogging…and each day that I can’t post an update I’m extremely saddened (thus this would qualify as being one of the saddest weeks of my blogging life as far as that is concerned).  But hey, since I’m not being paid to blog (at least not yet anyway), I have to “pay the bills” with my full time job, so no shit about the lack of updates this week, ok?  Good. 

But over the past 199 posts I’ve learned that I have the uncanny ability to sometimes make people laugh and spit food out of their nose.  Also I’ve learned that I have the ability to disgust people thoroughly with my sometimes “adult content” and “bathroom humor”.  I’ve also undoubtedly led some to permanently boycott my blog thanks to some crude and outlandish behavior.  But hey, I’m a Brooklyn born and raised’er…who said I wasn’t supposed to be crude and outlandish.

I’ve also learned that there are a lot of funny and talented people in the world.  I know I haven’t even scratched the surface of all the talented bloggers out there, but special thanks to the friends I’ve made over the past year in this little community of ours. You guys are truly an inspiration to keep writing and provide content that hopefully exlicits a few chuckles or a hearty guffaw. 

But enough of the sentimental bullshit.  You read me to laugh.  I’m a humor blog.  Much like the much ballyhooed Angry German kid of YouTube lore, you throw temper tantrums if I’m not funny. 


So without further adieu, here is the “200th What Pushes My Buttons post”! (cheers, yells, whistles!)

A few things came to mind when I heard that a steampipe had exploded by Grand Central.  Knowing the magnitude of the event was pretty serious and people were injured and businesses were disrupted, I still couldn’t help but to make a few “puns” while downing beer after beer in the airport bar last night waiting out a 5 hour plane delay (drum roll please):

I didn’t know they turned Lexington Avenue into “Steampipe Alley”

Looks like today is a real “steam bath”.

New York City has just changed their official marketing song from “I Love New York” to “We’ve got ‘Steam Heat'”

Ok…that’s enough.  Thank you. Thank you.  I’ll be here all night.  Try the veal.

But seriously it was a scary situation for all those involved.  Undoubtedly the tickle in my throat today is due to some airborne asbestos floating around. 

I think I’m getting the “black lung”

A few of you have asked me if I’m giving away any “presents” for my 200th blog celebration.  Well frankly that’s not in the budget yet…BUT what I do want to give you is…

My dick in a box! Enjoy!

On the road again… July 17, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in comedy, funny, video.

Although I really can’t wait to get BACK from the road again. I’ve been down in Orlando for our annual sales meeting since Sun am. Yes, Orlando. In July. Needless to say I’m burnt crisp from 2 days spent on the golf course (i know, oh pity me!) But hence why I haven’t been able to share some fun with y’all. Actually I was just able to get internet access right now, but alas I have to head out for a client dinner in a little bit.

I’ll be back to tell some fun stories in a bit…but for now, enjoy this puppet rendition of Hasselhoff drunk on the floor. Haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. It’s a parody of Hasselhoff drunk on the floor that has been the “clip” around the net for the past few months.


Enjoy and hope to have a good update for you soon…especially being that my next post will be my 200th!!! Major milestone I guess…since ever other blogger seems to celebrate their 200th post.