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My stomach is ready to disown me June 7, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in breakfast, critique, current events, eating, food, lunch, new york city, opinion, pedestrian behavior, restaurant, travel, white castle.

So I’m sitting here absolutely starving…but I’m waiting on a call from one of my clients so I’m in essence chained to my desk. Now I know what people on a hunger strike must feel like. This is worse than chinese water torture!

What makes it worse is everyone is going out to lunch or bringing their lunch back to the office. Just smelling the fried goodness of chinese food is making my mouth water. Plus it didn’t help that all I had for breakfast was some muscle milk shake thing that was supposedly a meal supplement.


It tasted pretty good though – I got the chocolate shake. Although I don’t really notice a difference in muscle mass today…I guess you’re supposed to do something called “lifting” to notice a change in muscle mass. Not sure what that is. Why don’t these shakes just do the lifting for you? Or is that just what Human Growth Hormones are for?

Speaking of eating, this weekend is the Big Apple BBQ fest in Madison Square Park. I haven’t gone in the past but wanted to go this year. Although I may think twice about that since the crowds are absolutely ridiculous. You can expect to wait over an hour just to get a “plate” of food from one of the BBQ pitmasters that come in from around the country.

Hate crowds and lines? The Big Apple BBQ is definitely not for you

I think it’s $8 per plate at each of the pitmaster stations…which is probably the equivalant of one rib and a “dollop” of pulled pork.I mean, that’s great and all, if you weighed about 80 pounds and got full from inhaling fresh air. If I’m waiting an hour for some BBQ, my plate better be overflowing with food. I want a full rack of ribs and a heaping order of sides. But that’s definitely not what you’re getting here. You’re getting a “sampling” of food. And for those who are food savvy like myself, sample = “small portions”.

Last year I believe they had 6 pits, and this year its up to 10 pits…so maybe the wait time will fall to under an hour. You actually are recommended to buy a “Fast Pass” for your food – so you can in essence cut line, similiar to what you can do at Disney. I think it’s $100 for the fast pass, which entitles you to $84 dollars worth of food and beverage, admission to one of the “BBQ seminars” and a free t-shirt. I’m sorry…when I think seminar, I think sitting/standing around someone talking for an hour with no handouts. As cool as the topic may be, aren’t you just wasting your $25??? Wouldn’t you rather just eat your $25 dollars worth? Especially since the lines are an hour plus per pit…

While this by and large is a great idea to have these pitmasters exhibit their wares in NYC..I think I’m definitely gonna pass again this year.

a) I hate waiting for food. Call me whatever you like…but I don’t wait over an hour for food. Just not my style to stand there on line like I’m taking handouts at a soup kitchen. There’s millions of places to eat in the city…if you have to wait an hour to get in somewhere, go somewhere else. Unless it’s a fancy place like Nobu where they make you wait as “part of the charm”. Otherwise I’d just as happily go to the restaurant down the block.

b) If I’m gonna spend $100 on BBQ, I’d just go to the BBQ restaurant itself and chow down. I know you can’t get the BBQ from all over the country that often and its great that these pitmasters fly in from all over the place to cook. But don’t you think its gonna be better at the actual restaurant itself? Shit, spend the few hundred on airfare and hotel and make a road trip out of it. Plus three of the pitmasters serving up food are from New York restaurants. Why not just save yourself the waiting and go up to Dinosaur BBQ in Harlem or Blue Smoke in Midtown? For $100, I guarantee you can eat like a champ at a BBQ restaurant! You’re certainly not gonna get just one rib and two ounces of pulled pork for your troubles. You’re gonna get 20 ribs and 10 pounds of plled pork.

c) The pits are only open from 12-6…meaning you have 6 hours to eat. If you average a wait time of an hour per pit…not counting waiting on line for beverages…you’re looking at only getting to maybe 5 out of the 10 pits, if you’re lucky. I know for some people, one or two pits are enough. But for us fat folk, if I’m devoting a day to BBQ, I want as many plates as I can get my hands on. Call me crazy, but that’s just my style.

d) You know how much further your $100 can go at other places? Just think about all the White Castle burgers, sides and chicken rings you can order with $100!

This feast of a meal probably cost $25…at most

Anyway, sorry to get off on such a huge side rant about this event. Maybe I’m angry. Angry because my stomach has declared a revolt against me. I don’t blame it, poor thing…I’m basically giving it the Lindsay Lohan/Nicole Richie don’t eat anything all day treatment. I’d revolt too!

Post blog note…I ate lunch around 2pm EST…2 slices of pizza. The revolt is over. The stomach has declared a cease fire. The national guard can stand down. Let freedom reign!



1. roger - June 7, 2007

well said…fuck that…i’m not fighting with 10,000 people just to wait on line for a single rib. i’ll go up to dinosaur myself to eat the food.

2. mr. blogger - June 7, 2007

so are you saying its a good or bad day to go to a bbq restaurant in the city???

3. gary - June 7, 2007

hmm…good question…you would think the other bbq places would be empty…but would all of the chefs be at the BBQ itself? tough call on that one

4. bubba - June 7, 2007

shit…come down to the south to get some real bbq….none of that crap they’re serving at that fair.

5. ethan - June 7, 2007

yankees suck! yankees suck!

6. trevor - June 7, 2007

hmm….white castle goodness! you’re right though…by and large, you get screwed at a big festival like that…like going to the clam chowder festivals, you can wait forever for a little cup of goodness…better off going to the place itself to try it first hand

7. candice - June 7, 2007

“I mean, that’s great and all, if you weighed about 80 pounds and got full from inhaling fresh air”

hahahaha….nice…i wish i could get full off fresh air…maybe then i’d be able to fit into a bikini this summer 😉

8. dan - June 7, 2007

did you use the word dollop? hah

9. ace - June 7, 2007

“I guess you’re supposed to do something called “lifting” to notice a change in muscle mass. Not sure what that is. ”

not sure why but i cracked up when i read that…maybe because i’m a lazy ass too! 🙂

10. mr. x - June 7, 2007

Or is that just what Human Growth Hormones are for?

exactly! who lifts anymore…needless are the rage man 😉

11. melanie - June 7, 2007

well i went to the festival last year and it was awesome but i’d agree waiting on line is a pain…plus its sooo crowded you have to eat standing up…i’d rather enjoy my bbq on a picnic table or bench…but such is the price of life i guess!

12. janet - June 7, 2007

i hate that feeling…nothing worse than being starving! 🙂

13. bob - June 7, 2007

ha ace…you beat me to it…i was gonna say lifting is lifting a needle to your ass to inject yourself with steriods!

14. tiffany - June 7, 2007

did you milkshake bring all the boys to the yard? heehee

15. elyse - June 7, 2007

hmm…i could go for some bbq right about now myself!

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