jump to navigation

Mow em’ Down! May 15, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in critique, fashion, funny, humor, new york city, opinion, pedestrian behavior, photos, pictures, sarcasm, signs, subways, travel.
trackback

Howdy everyone! I’m finally back from my jaunt over to London and let me tell you I’m glad to see the sun again. I almost forgot what it looked like. I think I saw the sun for a total of 15 minutes over a 4 day period in London. No joke. Maybe the Upper Uncton Bundy curse is still on.

Anyway have some great stories to share over the next few days with you all, but wanted to comment about some of the profound differences I found between London and New York. One of the major differences I saw right away was the lack of fat people. Seriously, is there anyone in London that weighs over 200 pounds? If you switched transportation systems and placed London tubes/underground in New York half the people wouldn’t be able to fit through the doors let alone fit in the seats! It’s crazy, some of the half doors that open on the trains, I was inches away from having to carry a stick of butter with me to fit through the door (if I have to explain that reference to you, you’re reading the wrong blog!).

And then there’s the seats themselves. The padding on the chairs is a great touch and the arm rests are great. But good luck to any fat people. I think the max someone can be to squeeze into a seat on the Tube is 250 pounds. At most.

null
My sister on the “skinny seat person” tube. You think John Pinette would fit in those seats? I think not.

Anyone weighing over 250 pounds their fat would literally start spilling over the arm rests. I know, disgusting sight. But it’s the truth. But can’t say I actually saw anyone over 250 pounds on the Tube to prove my theory.

null
The tube is a great way to get around London, unless you’re fat

That and no one has an ass out in London. Everyone’s ass is flat as a board. Both Bridget and my sister noticed that, and then when I paid attention I noticed that too. Crazy. Maybe that’s why the Tubes are so narrow…no worries about anyone’s “badunkadunk” getting in the way.

The second difference between New York and London has to do with pedestrians. In New York, pedestrians rule the roost. We can stop traffic just by crossing the street and cause traffic jams all by ourselves by refusing to let cars pass as soon as the Walk sign appears. In London, however, pedestrians are lower on the food chain than ants. Seriously. So much as place a toe out into the street and say goodbye to your digit. You WILL get run down. Besides the whole getting used to looking the other way for traffic nonsense, there’s no stepping off the curb in London to get a head start on crossing the street. Cars DON’T slow down. They speed up. Buses, cabs, bicycles, you name it. Crossing a busy street in London is like trying to play Level 20 in Frogger…you’re inches away from being road kill. In NYC, you have a better chance because cars will at least swerve to avoid you once in a while. But in London, fughetaboutit. Even as a brazen New Yorker who will cross in the most adverse conditions I kept my feet planted on the curb in London.

null
If you’re confused by the signs, don’t step off the curb in London

This just in…I found out through a friend there are indeed fat people in London. Found out they live in the South somewhere away from the fashion-centric inner city. They just take the roomier commuter trains and avoid the Tube at all costs. Whew…glad to know not everyone out there is a stick figure.

There’s plenty more fun stories coming your way, including a bar fight between a 300 pound Russian and a 150 pound Indian so stay tuned!

Advertisements

Comments»

1. candice - May 15, 2007

welcome back! you were missed!

2. roger - May 15, 2007

glad you had a good trip…we were lost without our daily updates…can’t wait to hear the story about the brawl!

3. ethan - May 15, 2007

yankees suck! yankees suck!

4. janet - May 15, 2007

Yeah…you’re back!!! Thank god…need my humor fix!!

I’ve never been to London but funny “ass”essment (no pun intended) hahahaha

5. mr. blogger - May 15, 2007

welcome back! funny about the tube…i noticed how narrow they were too…but very comfy with the padded seats. much better then the hard benches of the NYC subway

6. uk - May 15, 2007

all the fat americans can’t fit in our underground…boohooo. eat another donut you bloody wanker!

7. mr. bean - May 15, 2007

hah…yeah…i noticed that about the streets of london too…the motorists are ruthless!

8. tiffany - May 15, 2007

what about bridget jones…she was fat!!!

9. elyse - May 15, 2007

hahaha…that’s right…she was quite the pudgy wanker in the movie!

10. trent - May 15, 2007

bar fight!!!! fuckin sweet…can’t wait to hear about that one!

11. jennifer - May 15, 2007

that sign is really confusing…which way are you supposed to look!!!

12. mr. x - May 15, 2007

At least the Tube is clean compared to the shithole subway

13. nelson - May 15, 2007

are you calling new yorkers fat?!?!?! 😉

14. anonymous - May 15, 2007

Americans = fat

Londoners = skinny with bad teeth

15. roger - May 15, 2007

thanks for the algebra lesson asshole

16. candice - May 15, 2007

hahahaha

17. gary - May 15, 2007

oh i’ve missed this banter over the last few days! glad things are back to normal around here!

18. peter - May 15, 2007

i beg to differ i think new york is much worse

19. whatpushesmybuttons - May 15, 2007

well peter…i just walked back from lunch against a don’t walk as the light was changing from red to green and cars inched up but waited for me to cross the crosswalk.

in london, i started crossing on a flashing green walk before the light even turned and this car nearly wiped me out.

so you tell me who’s worse.

20. terrence - May 15, 2007

blame canada! haha

21. ace - May 15, 2007

if you got knocked down you could’ve gotten up and said it’s mearly a flesh wound

22. lauriekendrick - May 15, 2007

Glad you’re back. I fully intend to attempt to stuff my fat one-eigth Slavic ass in a seat on the tube soon.

We may be fat, but Brits are pastey white with Stienway teeth. I intend to go to London to show them what a real ass looks like….and by ass, I mean my boyrfriend.

Welcome home.

LK


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: