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Pump it Up May 9, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in brooklyn, comedy, critique, fashion, funny, humor, movies, new york city, nostaglia, opinion, pedestrian behavior, photos, pictures, random references, sarcasm, sex, subways.
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So taking the subway back from my mom’s house in Brooklyn late last night I spotted something I hadn’t seen in a while. No, not someone taking a piss on the train (although come to think of it I haven’t seen that in a good few months). I saw a pair of Reebok pumps. You know the old school pumps that were all the rage back in the day.

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I spy a pair of Reebok Pumps

The guy wearing them was a tall white guy who looked like a cross between Randy Johnson and Tom Hanks, complete with the Randy Johnson half mullet. There was also a lady on the train who looked like Hedda Nussbaum, without the bruises all over her face (ouch – although I think that reference is wayyyy too random for mostly anyone…but me of course!)

Anyway this guy was also wearing some highwater acid washed blue jeans so he obviously just stepped out of 1987. The only thing that could have made him a man of the “double zeros” is some Jovan Sex Appeal!

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For those guys who weren’t born with “sex appeal”

Cause you know nothing says “sex appeal” like some good ole Jovan Musk. I love the line: “This provocative, stimulating blend of rare spices and herbs was created by man for the sole purpose of attracting woman. At will.”

Rare spices and herbs. Nice…cause you know I’ve also wanted to smell like ground cumin mixed with oregano and lilacs. Come to think of it, I think I threw away every bottle of Jovan Musk I’ve ever gotten as a present. Or used it to ward off those imaginary vampires I battled as a child. I mean for christ’s sake, was that the only cologne that was produced in the 80s? (Along with Stetson for Men or Brut of course). Seriously, the shit smelled like formaldehyde. I think funeral directors used it to embalm corpses. No joke.

I saw this bottle of Jovan Musk “Sex Appeal” at Walmart last weekend – which explains everything of course – because nothing says upscale cologne like a cologne sold at Wal-Mart. I resisted putting on some Sex Appeal lest I want to be followed around Wal-Mart by some lady named Betsy with bad teeth. And wouldn’t you know…right next to the Jovan Musk on the Wal-Mart shelf was – you guessed it – Stetson.

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Stetson Black – Finally you too can smell like a mixture of wilting catcus and three day old chewin tobacco

Okay. Okay. I’ll stop with the Wal-Mart cracks and the knocks against Stetson and Jovan Musk. I know there’s millions of guys out there who unfortunately wear the shit. Plus last I checked I wasn’t on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour and therefore don’t qualify to make fun of Rednecks. Although I give Wal-Mart some props – the store does have some damn good values. Mmm…hmm…that’s right child.

Anyway, it’s been a crazy day today as I cram in some last second projects before heading off to London on Thursday night. And suddenly today has become meeting day which hasn’t really helped matters much. In fact off to another 2 hour one right now. Great…thanks Milton. Don’t they know I’m busy. I have a meeting with the Bobs’.

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Comments»

1. candice - May 9, 2007

hahaha…nice…jovan musk. my dad used to wear that. yuck!

2. roger - May 9, 2007

that shit sucks…both stetson and jovan…makes you smell like old man and moth balls!

3. bob - May 9, 2007

Brut – The Essense of Man!

4. janet - May 9, 2007

Nice…cause you know I’ve also wanted to smell like ground cumin mixed with oregano and lilacs.

hahahaha…hysterical!

5. bubba - May 9, 2007

yeah no more wal-mart cracks…walmart = god!

6. mr. blogger - May 9, 2007

hedda nussbaum…jeez…that’s a blast from the past

7. lumberg - May 9, 2007

i just gotta ask…what exactly do you do???

8. dean - May 9, 2007

ooo…yeah…i’m gonna need those TPS reports….yeah….great

9. tiffany - May 9, 2007

hahaha…too funny…as usual 🙂

10. ben - May 9, 2007

Finally you too can smell like a mixture of wilting catcus and three day old chewin tobacco

dude – just spit water out of my nose…thanks alot

11. howard - May 9, 2007

hey – i buy my cool water at walmart!! that’s pretty upscale right there!

12. trevor - May 9, 2007

are you sure that WASN’T Randy Johnson! 🙂

13. nelson - May 9, 2007

i just put some stetson on layaway yesterday actually at walmart

14. fletcher - May 9, 2007

I HATED getting jovan musk as a present…i think i still have the same bottle i got 20 years ago!

15. mr. x - May 9, 2007

i was a stetson guy myself!

16. whatpushesmybuttons - May 9, 2007

these days i think Axe has the market cornered on “sex appeal sprays”. although Jovan could be a major player. After all, who doesn’t want to smell like ground cumin every now and again.

trevor- i did a triple take to make sure it wasn’t randy johnson. that’s also why i didn’t take a picture of his face…he would’ve shoved his big paw in front of my camera lens.

mr. blogger – yeah, i’m convinced it was actually her…same hair cut and all. probably because it was late enough to be on the train and no one would recognize her

I believe they took my stapler.

17. neil - May 9, 2007

i think horse manure would be a better cologne than jovan musk!

18. gary - May 9, 2007

that guy should have pumped his sneaks and dunked on the subway pole!

19. jake - May 9, 2007

ahh…the good ole reebok pumps…can’t believe they’re still around!

20. Red - May 10, 2007

What’s hilarious about that one .. is that I have a friend, completely white boy from head to toe, that is always seen in the old-school pumps and faded jeans. And he has skinny ass legs like the ones in the picture! And he’s from NY too! It totally looks like his bottom half! *snickers*

21. whatpushesmybuttons - May 10, 2007

Red: haha…maybe i should have gotten a head shot to go along with the picture! hmm…i’ll be on the lookout for more reebok pumps!

neil: now, now…lets not go bashing horse manure.

22. hdog - May 10, 2007

jovan musk equals sex appeal!!! booyah


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