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No more Freedom Fries! May 7, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in animals, basketball, celebrities, comedy, critique, current events, dogs, eating, fashion, food, funny, humor, lunch, movies, nostaglia, opinion, politics, random references, religion, sarcasm, sports, television, world news.
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So with the news over the weekend that conservative, and pro-American Nicolas Sarkozy was elected as the new French President, I guess it’s time we all finally say goodbye to the Freedom Fry.

If you remember, freedom fries were concocted after the French refused to show any sympathy or support for the US after 9/11. Many irate U.S. congressmen were so appauled by France’s non-support they mandated that we could no longer refer to anything with French in its name.

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Everything and anything French had become taboo.

French fries became freedom fries

French toast became freedom toast

French poodles were massacred by the dozens. Those French poodles who escaped the massacres were called Freedom Poodles

French dressing was banned and all containers containing French dressing were relabeled Thousand Island dressing (since half of American citizens can’t tell the damn difference between the two anyway).

French braids were banned. Anyone wearing French braids was sent to the gallows to be hung

French kissing was banned. Anyone caught French kissing had their tongues sliced off.

French Dips were aptly renamed “Roast Beef sandwiches dipped in an American made gravy”.

The movie French Kiss was banned from all video store shelves.

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Even Meg Ryan felt the wrath of the Anti-French movement

Even Vidal Sassoon products were boycotted and his salons were torched. It was a bad time in American culture as we basically committed genocide against anything that had French in its name or even sounded remotely French. But now that France has basically taken a tumble in the past few years, with high unemployment rates, a struggling economy and racial tensions running rampant, the French people actually used Democracy to dictate a change. And their voices were heard loud and clear by electing Sarkozy – a pro-American politician who now faces the daunting task of turning his country around.

So citizens of France: We forgive you for basically turning your backs on us after we saved your asses in WWII. We forgive you for not willing to send any of your troops or offer assistance against our “war on terror”. We even forgive you for giving us Tony Parker who basically stole our hottest American girl away from us (Eva Longoria). We do not forgive you however for Frederic Weis, who inexplicably was the Knicks draft choice in 1999 and who refused to play basketball in the NBA thus causing the Knicks to waste a pick. The fact that you even produced a 7 footer in France is incredibly shameful considering how “soft” your country has become. I mean he should have been ruthless on the court, like a Napoleon or Marie Antoinette. Instead he was softer than Charmin. Don’t believe us? Well just watch Vince Carter basically jump OVER him during the 2000 Olympics when the U.S. played France

Anyway, except for Mr. Weis, we forgive you French people. On behalf of all American citizens living on the mainland and abroad, I’m happy to officially announce our truce with France and the abolition of the Freedom Fry once and for all!

Viva la French Fry!

Viva la France!

Also want to send out happy birthday wishes to Tom and to Jason. Or in Jason’s case it’s: Taredartzet shnorhavor!

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Comments»

1. janet - May 7, 2007

hahaha nice! good thing i never had french braids! whew!

2. trevor - May 7, 2007

French Dips were aptly renamed “Roast Beef sandwiches dipped in an American made gravy”.

haha

3. roger - May 7, 2007

haha…captain sarcasm at it again!

4. howard - May 7, 2007

Long live the Freedom Fries!

5. trent - May 7, 2007

Freedom fries sucked anyway – they weren’t as salty as French fries

6. anonymous - May 7, 2007

Fuck the French!

7. terrence - May 7, 2007

Blame Canada!

8. nelson - May 7, 2007

Frederick Weis was a dog! So glad Carter basically embarrassed the shit out of him! Where’s Weis now? Maybe he’s serving some Freedom Fries somewhere! haha

9. candice - May 7, 2007

you know i was wondering why restaurants stopped serving french dressing!

10. david - May 7, 2007

weren’t freedom fries gone 2 years ago?

11. mr. blogger - May 7, 2007

umm…david…that’s why its called “sarcasm”

12. mr. x - May 7, 2007

haha mr. blogger – yes, the short lived but well hyped freedom fries…even though most americans are too stupid to realize that fries are a belgium creation!

13. peter - May 7, 2007

isn’t belgium part of france? 😉

14. elyse - May 7, 2007

What’s France? 😉

15. jacques - May 7, 2007

Américains Stupides. Vous n’êtes rien mais un groupe d’idiots foutus !

16. henry - May 7, 2007

Jacques: Les Français ne sont rien mais un groupe de chats. Pourquoi pas vous vous courez à la maison à votre maman pantywaste!

17. roger - May 7, 2007

Crap…doesn’t anyone speak English around here! We need a translator!

18. gary - May 7, 2007

hahaha…they’re saying something about idiots and pantywaste apparently! lol…good stuff!

19. tiffany - May 7, 2007

In my limited french, i think Henry told Jacques to run home to his mother…hah

20. ace - May 7, 2007

I did a translator (rough one).

Jacques said: Stupid Americans. You are nothing but a group of fucking idiots!

Henry said: The French are nothing but a bunch of pussies. Why don’t you run home to your mother’s you pantywastes!

21. roger - May 7, 2007

ha…good stuff…i’ve always been a big fan of calling people pantywastes!

22. rodney - May 7, 2007

can’t we all just get along!

23. candice - May 7, 2007

oh brother! (no pun intended) hahaha

24. pat - May 7, 2007

french fries + french dip = unpatriotic! haha

25. jessica - May 7, 2007

ok so i’m new to this blog and didn’t pick up the sarcasm right away…but i just read this post over again and i’m cracking up! love the freedom poodles! haha

good work!

26. flanders - May 7, 2007

the only good thing to come out of france was the moulin rouge! haha

27. miss understood - May 7, 2007

poor meg ryan – she never can catch a break!

28. jake - May 7, 2007

personally, i still order the freedom toast

29. Thos - May 8, 2007

anyone got any freedom onion soup

30. howard - May 8, 2007

should we rename that movie the Freedom Connection?

31. candice - May 8, 2007

i can’t wait to get myself a Freedom Manicure tonight! haha


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