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Part of a nutritious breakfast May 4, 2007

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in breakfast, coffee, comedy, common sense, critique, eating, food, funny, humor, nostaglia, opinion, photos, pictures, rachel ray, random references, sarcasm, television, weird.

Growing up we all saw those “nutritious breakfast” commercials. Where the mother and children are sitting at the kitchen table and the children have a whole smorgasbord of food in front of him to start their day off right. You know the whole “part of a nutritious breakfast” plugs that the cereal companies normally advertised. The ones that contained:

The bowl of cereal

The slice of toast

The scrambled eggs

The glass of OJ

The apple or orange

The occasional slice of bacon

I have to say as I child I tried to have a nutritious breakfast each day before school. Normally it was a bowl of cereal since that was the quickest and easiest. But it wasn’t your healthy cereal, like Corn Flakes or Bran Flakes or Raisin Bran or Chex. Nope, my fat ass wanted the Golden Grahams, the Cinnamon Toast Crunch, the Crunchberries, the Count Chocula or the Frosted Flakes that were always being advertised. Two scoops of raisins? Wheat and corn double sided Chex? Nigga please. More like 10 scoops of sugar for me. The more sugar, the better! Or if I was running late and needed to run out of the door quickly, the pack of sugar laded Pop Tarts more than did the trick.

Cereals such as Fruit Brute and Post Mortems are all part of your child’s nutritious breakfast

On weekends? Well my friends, that was time for cholesterol heaven. My weekend breakfast courtesy of my dad or grandmother was either fried salami and eggs or corned beef hash and eggs or butter laden French toast. All the healthy stuff that sits in your stomach all day never to be digested.

Nothing says healthy breakfast like a side serving of Corned Beef Hash

But these days who has time for healthy and nutritious breakfasts? I mean most of us are on the go, eating whatever is quickest and most convenient. Myself included. My breakfast mostly consists of a deli bought egg & cheese or toasted bialy/bagel. Or if I’m in a rush, the cup of tea and donut/buttered roll from the street vendor. Hardly the breakfast of champions, I know. Hell, even Rachel Ray herself, the queen of the quick meal, now endorses Dunkin Donuts, who basically make a living promoting breakfast on the go.

So the other day I actually got up early enough to make myself a “nutritious” breakfast. Shocking, even for myself. But since I’m the “omelet master” thanks to my days being a short-order cook at a Bagel shop up by Marist, I can whip up breakfast fairly quickly. So I whipped up a one-egg yolk/two egg white omelet (less yolks means less of that cholesterol nonsense everyone’s worried about these days) with cheddar cheese. For my “meat” requirement I sizzled up two slices of South Beach Diet approved Turkey Bacon. And I even was able to add in the quintessential breakfast “must-haves” in the way of Soy Chocolate milk and a healthy glass of OJ.

I could’ve filmed one of those “healthy breakfast” commercials with the meal I whipped up

But unfortunately I eat these types of breakfasts too few and far between. But I take comfort knowing that I’m not alone. I did a Google search this am on nutritious breakfast. And I found some good ones I’d like to share with you today. After all, wasn’t Friday always “show and tell” day at school? Although I think they banned show & tell in my elementary school once one kid pulled down his pants and said this is what my daddy told me to show the girls to impress them. Ok, maybe the kid just pulled down his pants and didn’t say anything. But either way, show & tell was banned ok??? Anyway, here are some delicious breakfast ideas sure to get your day off to a fast moving start!

1. Everything you could ever need to get your day off to a great start. Once you’ve filled your stomach with eggs, bacon, sausage and the all-important tator tots, then you can move onto the glazed scone, muffins and french toast sticks. This my friends is what breakfast is all about!

2. Stack em high and stack em proud! Nothing says “get me ready for a light day on my feet” more than a short stack of pancakes. Add the extra syrup for a sugar rush and you’re ready to pound the pavement!

3. Sunny side up egg, toast, 2 sausage links, 2 slices of bacon. Oh hell yeah – that’s breakfast! But wait…don’t forget about the grilled tomato, the vegetable puree, the homefries patty and the sauteed mushrooms! Nothing says breakfast like mushrooms!

4. Umm….yeah…not sure where this fits into the traditional American breakfast of carbs and cholesterol. Fruit? That’s for wussies! Portion control? What’s that? Everything about this breakfast is a big thumbs down. Except for the fish. Besides, what’s more quicker and convenient than chewing on a raw fish for breakfast! Plus it fills your daily need for fish oils!

5. Now, that’s more like it! Eggs benedict! That quintessential American breakfast. The creamy, fat filled Hollandaise sauce. The indigestion-bearing Canadian Bacon. The poached eggs and English Muffin. Yum-O! Add in a side of home fries and if you must, some melon, and my friends you’re ready to take on the world and go shopping for that skin-tight bathing suit for the summer! Make sure to down a few Bloody Mary’s before you go so you’re extra-skinny when you try on that two-piece or that speedo!


1. roger - May 4, 2007

dude – you fuckin rock!!!

2. tiffany - May 4, 2007

wow…can you come over to cook me breakfast!!!! 🙂

3. trent - May 4, 2007

Post Mortems! Hysterical!! Fruit Brute? What the fuck is that? Hahaha

4. candice - May 4, 2007

hahahaha…i’m laughing too hard to say anything else!

5. dean - May 4, 2007

seriously…i’ve read this about 5 times over and i can’t get through it without cracking up!

6. janet - May 4, 2007


7. howie - May 4, 2007

i hated those commercials growing up….i was definitely a POP TART kid!

8. mr. x - May 4, 2007

Count Chocula rules!!!

9. ethan - May 4, 2007

Yankees Suck! Yankees Suck!

10. roger - May 4, 2007

Ethan Sucks! Ethan Sucks!

11. neil - May 4, 2007

Frosted Flakes have the taste adults have grown to love…theyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy’re great! haha

12. trevor - May 4, 2007

Captain Crunch rules!

13. elyse - May 4, 2007

Although I think they banned show & tell in my elementary school once one kid pulled down his pants and said this is what my daddy told me to show the girls to impress them

hahaha…i think one kid in my school did that tooo!!!! hysterical

14. napoleon - May 4, 2007

gosh….hands off my tator tots….you’re such an idiot

15. david - May 4, 2007

i hope you’re seriously not condoning those breakfast choices! if you are, you gotta be what – 500? 600 lbs?

16. gary - May 4, 2007

Craving Eggs Benedict. Must have Eggs Benedict

17. mr. blogger - May 4, 2007

Ok…I’ve officially decided that you’re blog is much better than the rest of the shit I read out there. I literally spit my coffee out of my mouth this morning reading this. No other blog makes me spit water out of my nose like yours does. Job well done!

18. lauriekendrick - May 4, 2007

Post Mortems. Death by fuckin’ whey and gluten!!

Loved this stuff. Great!! Hilarious. I WILL be back!


19. mitchell - May 4, 2007

where can I buy a box of POST MORTEMS????? Awesome!

20. coffeelover - May 4, 2007

but i thought that the best part of waking up was folgers in your cup??

21. marie - May 4, 2007

Eggs Benedict = awesome goodness!

even if it adds a few pounds around the waistline!

22. whatpushesmybuttons - May 4, 2007

David: Nope – not condoning…although wouldn’t stop anyone from enjoying their nutritional goodness…. for the record i’m in the low 200 range…somewhere.

Mr. Blogger – may I suggest windshield wipers for your screen and a drop cloth for your keyboard.

Laurie: Thanks for the kind words – feel free to visit whenever! Also, please visit Laurie’s blog – very funny stuff!

Coffee Lover: I’ll take product jingles for $200 please.

I was more of a Juan Valdez fan myself. Who doesn’t love a random horse showing up outside your kitchen window!

23. dan - May 4, 2007

Wait – does that seriously say save 17 cents on the box of Fruit Brute??? Is that for real – or a joke?

24. h-dog - May 4, 2007

nah nigga – cocoa puffs the shit!

25. chris - May 4, 2007

Dan – looks like it’s no joke!


26. jake - May 4, 2007

ha yeah can’t wait to try on that speedo after a breakfast like that!

27. mels - May 4, 2007

umm…bikini and eggs benedict DO NOT go well together…trust me on this one! 😉

28. phil - May 4, 2007

i think my arteries clogged just LOOKING at those pictures!

29. candice - May 4, 2007

ok…so i can finally see after wiping all the tears away from my ears from laughing so hard. question: in #3 – who eats brocolli and carrots with breakfast?! assuming that’s what that is. yuck. no thank you.

30. candice - May 4, 2007

ooooppssss….i meant from my eyes…not ears! hahahaha 😉

31. janet - May 4, 2007

oh candice – you’re so silly! i agree…not sure what’s worse – the brocolli or the mushrooms

32. sugarsmacks - May 5, 2007

Post Mortems…


Oh lord where did you find that, or did you photoshop it!

By the way, I really want them to sell Tater Tots in Canada. I must look into this further. Every time I watch Napolean Dynamite my mouth waters.

33. american blogmom in London - May 10, 2007

I love breakfast. More than any other meal. I am so hungry now. I always thought it was weird (even when a kid) that someone would eat toast AND cereal, and a glass of juice AND a glass of milk (plus the milk on the cereal). It always seemed like the cereal was really just pretending to be “part of a nutritious breakfast” and was really just dessert!

34. whatpushesmybuttons - May 10, 2007

Sugar Smacks: nope…no photoshop…found it online somewhere…i’m not that inventive 😉 And what’s that – no tots in canada??? man does that suck! next time i’m up that way i’ll sneak some in for you

American Blogmom: I agree…i was never a juice and milk combo kid…didn’t see the need for the glass of milk when basically a glass of milk was already in your cereal. good thing i wasn’t lactose intolerant! And to think all these years we were fooled by thinking cereal with sugar was actually good for us. hmph.

35. nebula - June 13, 2007

just had a heart attack looking at the eggs benedict. i think i need those UV anti-food glasses you talked about in the fat chinese people post!

36. abarclay12 - September 24, 2007

I too had a heart attack, but I was grossed out with that fish breakfast. I’m with the early you – I was all about crunch berries. I can’t believe they ruined crunch berries by making the berries purple and even green. What the hell is that about now? Anyhow, very thorough post.

37. PrasseHeerS - January 29, 2008

hi! google info

38. FBI Recommends Doughnuts for Breakfast - The Flying News - April 12, 2016

[…] make a food delectable so that people will eat it in the first place. They are, therefore, “part of a nutritious breakfast.” The FBI’s OBR recommends 6 to 8 servings of doughnuts for breakfast, with a […]

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