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Nintendo Night December 30, 2006

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in humor, nintendo, sports, video games.

So last night I regressed about 20 years. I sat and played a whole season of Tecmo Bowl. Yes Tecmo Bowl. Nintendo. Lemme ‘splain.

I got a Yobo for xmas. Yobo is a new age Nintendo system that plays all of the old nintendo games. It’s a top loading system and miraculously plays the games without much trouble. No more blowing the cartridge. Or cotton swabs with rubbing alcohol. And the controller is rounded instead of square so you don’t get the calluses inside your hands from playing too long. It’s a Christmas miracle that this was developed!! Good thing I held onto my old Nintendo games like Ice Hockey, Double Dribble, Zelda, Super Mario 1, 2 and 3, Blades of Steel, Contra, Tetris…list goes on and on. I’d rather play any of my old nintendo games than any new gaming system like PS3 or Xbox 360. Yes, I know, the graphics don’t compare, but the game play back then was much simplier. I mean how much easier does it get to play Contra, a game that had great graphics and intense play. To play that now, you would need to hold left trigger, X, Y, Turbo, right thumbstick to the left, left hand on blue, all just to shoot your gun. Needless to say I’m a gaming purist, so this Yobo was like my favorite gift ever (well, except when I got Nintendo the first time many moons ago).

Anyway, without missing a beat, I tried to plow through Tecmo Bowl with the Bears. The 1989 Bears. With Walter Payton, Jim McMahon, Willie Gault, Richard Dent, Fridge Perry, Mike Singletary. My goal was to try to sweep through the season without giving up a point. A bit ambitious considering I hadn’t played in quite a while. But without further adieu here are the results and summary of each game:

Game 1: Bears vs. 49ers. The 49ers never get past midfield as Singletary notches 7 INTs. Complete blowout as Joe Montana, Jerry Rice and Roger Craig were overwhelmed. Final score 77-0.

Game 2: Bears vs. Vikings. Vikings never get past midfield either. 6 more Singletary INTs. Last second 54 yard FG by Kevin Butler as time expires makes the final score 73-0.

Game 3: Bears vs. Giants. Everyone who plays Tecmo knows 2 things. 1) the opponents get tougher (faster) each week. 2) Lawrence Taylor can block any FG or extra point. Plus through in a tough Joe Morris at RB and Mark Bavaro at TE and this should be a minor challenge right? The Giants broke midfield once, they got to the Bears 49 and no further. Taylor does block an extra point, which keeps the Bears from hitting 70 again. Final score, 69-0.

Game 4: Bears vs. Cowboys. My favorite team was no match for Da Bears. Hershel Walker was held in check all game. The Cowboys do get as far as the Bears 35 yard line, but a Singletary tackle on 4th and inches stops the drive and any chance for the Cowboys to score. Final score, 63-0.

Game 5: Bears vs Dolphins. 1972 Dolphins went undefeated, and they celebrate each time a team these days fails to equal their feat. The 1985 Bears almost went undefeated as these Dolphins tried to stop the 89 Bears from doing the same. Dennis Gentry takes the opening kickoff for a TD to put the Bears up 7-0. It’s all Bears until Marino hits Duper for a long TD pass (Singletary just missed the INT and tackle). Marino catches fire and sets up a Lorenzo Hampton 1 yard TD run on 3rd and goal to break the Bears scoreless streak. Pissed off, Gentry returns the ensuing kickoff for his 2nd kickoff return for a TD of the game. Marino, Duper, clayton and company were shut down from there. Singletary ices the game with a 40 yard TD INT return as time expires. Final score, 63-6.

Game 6: Bears vs Broncos. After losing their bid to plow through the season without given up a point, the Bears took their frustration out on John Elway and his “three amigos” (Jackson, Johnson and Nattiel). The Broncos get no further than the Bears 48 as the Bears decide to eat up some clock with Walter Peyton. Bears blitz John Elway and nearly sack him for a safety twice. Bears score 14 points in each quarter. Final score, 56-0.

Game 7: Bears vs. Colts. These Colts are certainly not the Peyton Manning colts. They rely heavily on their workhouse Eric Dickerson. Jack Trudeau is the QB and he has a popgun arm. So the Bears were ready for run, run, run. The Colts don’t disappoint and go 3 and out with Dickerson numerous times as Dickerson didn’t have a single run for positive yardage. He did have 2 screen passes for 3 yards. He probably had -30 yards rushing thanks to a Bears blitzkreig. Trudeau goes on to throw 5 passes (2 to Dickerson) and the other 3 end up in the hands of Singletary. Dennis Gentry gets many punt return opportunities, but can’t break one. Bears put together long drives all game which holds the scoring output down. However they explode for a 21 point 4th Quarter. Final score, 56-0.

Game 8: Bears vs. Seahawks. Bears visit Dave Kreig and Steve Largent and Curt Warner (the black RB not the white QB). The unsung hero for Seattle is their kick returner Edmonds, who breaks a few long kickoff returns to put Seattle in scoring position. However the Bears shut down the offense from there as the Seahawks only get one first down all game. Warner is held to negative rushing yards. McMahon throws his first INT as the Bears were driving. Butler kicks a 47 yard FG as time expires to complete 24 point 4th Quarter. Final score, 66-0.

Game 9: Divisional Playoff Game: Bears vs. Browns. Cleveland and their stingy defense are next up for the Bears. Bernie Kosar is at QB with Reggie Langhorne, Webster Slaughter and Ozzie Newsome at WR. Kevin Mack is the tough RB. Tough team to play late in the game. The Browns blitz all game as the Bears have to take short yardage each time. The Browns take away Peyton and Gault so McMahon is forced to lean on Cap Boso (TE) and Ron Morris (WR) over the middle as he was under pressure all game. Boso catches 4 TDs for a career day. Reggie McNeil proves to be a key weapon returning kicks for the Browns. One of his long returns sets up a Kosar to Langhorn 34 yard TD pass, the second score the Bears allow this season. The Browns play strong, but the Bears are too much. Final score, 49-7.

Game 10: Divisional Championship Game: Bears vs. Redskins. Doug Williams and the “Fun Bunch” (Monk, Clark and Didier) are a tough passing team. Timmy Smith is the unsung RB, however the strength of this Redskins team is their defense led by Dexter Manley and Darrell Green. The Bears are looking to roll after a tough game vs. the Browns. They shut down the running game once again as Timmy Smith runs for negative yards. The Skins D plays tough, but Peyton and Gault are able to break free for some big plays. Doug Williams has some success in the air, but Singletary is a ball hawk as usual. The Redskins have a chance to score in the 3rd Quarter, but Singletary picks off Williams on the 1 yard line. The Bears take the next drive 95 yards capped off by a Peyton TD rush. Peyton also breaks off a TD as time expires as the Bears roll. Final score, 56-0.

Game 11: TECMO BOWL. Bears vs Raiders. The Black and Blue vs the Silver and Black. Bo Jackson. Marcus Allen. The Raiders running game is one of the unstoppable forces in Tecmo Bowl. The Bears play them at their toughest, in the Tecmo Bowl. The Bears haven’t allowed positive yards on the ground all season but know the Jackson and Allen are capable of breaking the big one on every play. Schroeder is the QB and has Tim Brown and Todd Christensen to make plays through the air. Clearly the Bears toughest test. The one chink in the armor for the Raiders? Their pass defense. The Bears open with a long scoring drive capped off by a Willie Gault TD to go up 7-0. A Schroeder INT leads to another McMahon to Gault strike, 14-0. Butler tackles Tim Brown on the Raiders 15 on the kickoff. However Marcus Allen breaks through the hole on the 1st play of the drive, going 85 yards untouched to make the score 14-7. The Bears recover quickly and put together a long drive as McMahon finds Gault yet again to make the score 21-7. Schroeder throws an INT as the Bears however McMahon throws an INT on the ensuing possession (his second of the season). The Bears capitalize as Bo Jackson gets in on the fun, ripping off a 45 yard TD run. However the Bears block the extra point and the score is 21-13 at halftime. The Bears shut down the Raiders on their possession to start the second half and McMahon finds Gault for the 4th time on the next drive to make the score 28-13. The Bears are keyed in on Allen and Jackson on the next drive, and shut down both leading to a 3 and out. McMahon finds Gault for the 5th time on the next drive as the Bears take a 35-13 lead at the end of the 3rd Quarter. Allen breaks a few mini runs on the next possession, but a Schroeder INT ends the drive in Bears territory. McMahon capitalizes by finding (who else) Willie Gault for his 6th TD of the game to put the Bears up 42-13. The Raiders go three and out on their next possession and the Bears get the ball back on their own 18 with 30 seconds left in the 4th Quarter. McMahon drives the team to Raiders territory, and tries to find Gault for a 7th TD catch. However the Raiders have Gault covered, and the Bears settle for a Butler 36 yard FG as time expired to make the final score 45-13.

So in case you’re counting at home, the Bears pitch 8 shutouts on the season and outscore their opponents 673-26. Not bad, but certainly room for improvement. I’ll try again for another sweep, after I play some Tetris, and Zelda and Contra đŸ™‚

Everyone is LOUD!!! December 22, 2006

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in critique, humor.
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Not that this is earth-shattering news, but have you noticed that people are increasingly louder these days? They talk louder, walk louder, and just are louder in general. I blame this on the IPod/MP3 revolution. Now before you go and rake my ass over the coals hear me out.

Back in the days some people had walkmen. And you could tell who listened to their walkman constantly based on their lack of hearing ability. Normally those people said “What?” a lot, simply because their ear drums were damaged from constantly listening to music in their earphones. The other “hearing impared” were ones that drove cars that were suped up with bass and sound systems. They couldn’t hear much either. But as a whole, people were able to whisper and carry on conversations at a decent noise level.

Now-a-days, almost everyone has an ipod or other mp3 player. And these people just don’t realize that when they talk, they are trying to talk above the music in their ears. They in turn make other people talk louder and so on. Now that millions of people are talking louder it’s made life miserable for those with “hawk-like” ears like myself (makes up for my lack of vision đŸ™‚ These are the same people that have become so deaf that their TV’s now blast full volume just so they can hear.

Don’t believe me that this generation is deaf? Walk into any store, especially Abercrombie or the Gap. The music is vibrating the floors it’s so loud. While I’m all for techno when i’m pimpin at a club, i don’t need that shit when i’m trying to concentrate on which overpriced sweater to buy as a xmas present.

So one request this holiday season, turn down the fuckin music in your headphones. I don’t need to hear it standing 100 feet away from you nor do i want to hear you screaming to your friends just to be heard. When you drop something on the floor (upstairs neighbors!) it’s LOUD!! Even if you can’t hear it because your ear drums have been deflated. That and while I love Austin Powers, there’s no reason for me to listen to the movie playing on your tv while sitting in my living room. Ok? Good.

Now that that has been established, I can’t wait to get my new ipod Shuffle for christmas, with new super bass earphones that blast at 100 decibels. Sweet…let the music blast away.

Happy Holidays (Hanukkah, Christmas, Boxing Day, Kwanzaa, etc) everyone!!!

When You’re Here… December 15, 2006

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in critique, food, humor.
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You’re family. Right. Olive Garden. The typical “American hangout” where 5 hour waits for dinner on a Saturday Night are not uncommon. Food is “middle of the road” Italian, not the best but not dog food either right? WRONG. Apparently now Olive Garden = Taco Bell

INDIANAPOLIS (Dec. 15) – Three people have been hospitalized and more than 300 people claim they became ill after eating at an Olive Garden restaurant last weekend, a health official said Friday.

Also, six restaurant workers reported on Monday that they were feeling ill, said Marion County Health Department spokesman John Althardt. Olive Garden is based in Orlando.

“We’re trying to isolate what the cause of the illness might be,” he said.

The problem has been isolated to the Olive Garden on East 82nd Street on Indianapolis’ north side, Althardt said.

Health officials have found no link to E. coli bacteria that sickened patrons at East Coast Taco Bell restaurants recently, Althardt said.

Olive Garden patrons reported becoming ill after eating at the restaurant on Saturday, Sunday and Monday, he said. They said they had symptoms including nausea, vomiting, fever and diarrhea.

Inspectors met with restaurant managers on Tuesday and found no health code violations. Health officials were collecting leftover food and stool samples from those stricken to try to pinpoint the source of the illness, Althardt said.

A news release from the restaurant said the company is working with health officials to find the cause.

“We’re pleased the health department has determined our guests should feel comfortable continuing to dine at Olive Garden,” the statement said.

Frank Williams said he became sick Tuesday morning after eating at the Olive Garden over the weekend.

“It was my wife’s birthday party dinner and the only thing that everyone had was a little cake,” he told Indianapolis television station WRTV. “And that seemed to be a fairly unlikely candidate to cause everyone to get sick.”

Seven of the eight people in his party fell ill, he said.

Ha…cake. Right. Maybe they got served the urinal cake. Did they ever think Maybe people got sick because they waited 9 fucking hours to get a reservation. Ever think of THAT? I’d rather get sick instantly from Taco Bell for my well spent $4 then wait 10 hours for a table, spend $25 and get sick. Maybe that’s just me.

Darrell Hammond December 15, 2006

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in celebrities, comedy, funny, humor.
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So I had the opportunity to go to Gotham Comedy Club on Wednesday night to see a show with up and coming comics. My coworker Carol is friends with some comedians who were on stage that night so I went to check out the show.

The third guy to the stage was a surprise guest, Darrell Hammond from Saturday Night Live! Well when she called his name no one was there. She waited, called his name again and he comes stumbling over to the stage. We were sitting right next to the main entrance for the stage and Darrell knocked down Carol’s beer on our table. He was wasted. He actually made a comment saying he wasn’t ready yet. He still had his jacket on and was walking with a limp. Everyone thought he was doing an act, but he was actually wasted. He asked for a diet coke and after a minute or two of stumbling around the stage, he recovered enough to do a great set. He mostly did some Clinton and Bush impersonations which were awesome to hear in person. Anyway funny to see him perform even though he wasn’t a headliner.

However the comic who really brought down the house was Jessica Kirson (she was on Last Comic Standing). She was absolutely hysterical. If you like comedy, definitely go check her out. Her website is http://www.jessicakirson.com

Anyway, definitely go check any show out if you need a laugh. Gotham actually redid their space, looks a lot nicer now. http://www.gothamcomedyclub.com

Asshole awards of the day December 8, 2006

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in asshole of the day, common sense, critique, food, funny, humor, new york city, opinion, pedestrian behavior, stupidity, subways.
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Today’s asshole of the day awards go to the makers of the extra puffy, triple down goose, annoying large “puffer” jackets. Congratulations. Obviously you’ve never ridden a subway or taken public transportation in your entire life. You’ve managed to shrink the capacity of subway cars ten-fold. When you once used to cram 40 people into the “safe-haven” (you know the 20’x8′ area when you walk into the subway where everyone stands instead of fuckin moving in to the middle of the car where no one stands. To all those who complain about getting “subway grinded” how bout you move into the middle next time. Then you won’t have some pervert shoving his crotch in your ass.) You’ve also managed to play into the hype of the obesity of Americans. Your jackets have made 185 pound men look like they’re 325 pounds. Good work. Next time one of the assholes wearing your jacket tries to bully himself (or herself) around the train like they think they own the fuckin place, i’m gonna slice your jacket, remove the feathers and tar and feather your bitch ass. Holla.

Next asshole of the day goes to the smoker who inhaled his own smoke. Smart move to light up in 50 mph wind gusts and then inhale your puff of smoke as it blew right back in your face. I hope that choking fit you went through hurt as much as it looked like it did. Cause you know, nothing cures the lungs like inhaling some good ole’ methane. You now know how it feels when you puff your cancer sticks in everyone’s face. Piece of advice, next time stand downwind asshole.

Final asshole of the day goes to the guy toasting my bialy (thin bagel with the hole in the middle for those who don’t know – ie this pic) this morning.

TOASTED means somewhat crispy – not raw. Doesn’t mean burnt, just a little crisp. Especially being Bialy’s are thin, this shouldn’t be too hard. So why the fuck would you give me a bialy that was softer than when it went into the toaster oven? I think the tomato had more crunch than the bialy. (Yes, i get my bialy toasted w/ cream cheese and tomato. Haven’t tried it? Do yourself a favor and try it. You’ll be hooked too). Next time just toast the fuckin thing. No one wants to eat raw dough with cream cheese. Trust me on this one.

So not bad, three asshole of the day winners and it’s not even 9am yet. Good job everyone. Way to spread the holiday cheer.

Duck Hunt December 1, 2006

Posted by whatpushesmybuttons in games, nintendo, video games.
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So the game everyone loved from the ole Nintendo…yep the game where it was cool to shoot ducks on the screen with a gun (funny how Nintendo is back to making sticks to interact with games…how long ago did Duck Hunt come out???) is now available on your PC. Without a controller. Just use your mouse and that’s it.

If it doesn’t work here, you can go to http://www.gamereign.net/flash/duckhunt.swf

Sit back and enjoy.